In the episode "To Serve and Protect" Miss Parker threatened Jarod, saying that she'd shoot him in the back. She "missed" as she told Sydney. In this story she doesn't ;^) This story is basically one big WHAM (Wistful Heartwrenching Agonizing Moment), so it has a bit of Drama. Comments appreciated. The Pretender and all related elements are the property of NBC. What Have I Done? Nirvana Kliese Jarod squeezed the metal support, pulling himself to his feet carefully. His back ached and his legs throbbed weakly after not being used for so long. He closed his eyes, shutting out the still present pain burning in his back. He heard the doctors encouraging voice in the background. He slid his slippered feet along the ground slowly, scared to put all his weight on them. His strong arms could have held him up easily now. His arms could do anything after providing his only power in his wheelchair for the last two months. "Try Jarod." The doctor nodded at him. Willing him to put more weight on his weak legs. It was an unsure situation. He was at a risk even standing. He had to do it though, it was in his nature. He dared to put a little more weight on his legs. He could almost feel everyone in the room hold their breath. Their silent prayers supported him. He willed his legs to hold him. It reassured him to be able to finally feel them at last. He lifted his foot slightly off the ground and stepped forward a few centimeters. He was half expecting to collapse, just like the doctors told him he might. He was half prepared for the feeling in his legs to disappear again, for the mind numbing pain in his back to start again. They didn't though. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, he wasn't hot, noone could be in this weather. He was more scared than he had ever been, and exhausted at the same time. He had been confined to sitting for so long. He barely remembered what it felt like to be upright. He was brought back from his thoughts to hear the doctor cheer softly. He turned and smiled at him and the doctor smiled back. He was doing it. Finally he was walking, even though they told him he never would. He enjoyed the feeling of the soft carpet underneath his slipped feet. The firmness of the ground reassured him. It reminded him of what he had said as a child. He would never give up. Nothing could stop him. He put more weight on his feet. Taking slightly larger steps. His legs ached at the sudden movement but he didn't care. It was almost a relief to feel pain, after all it was feeling. He turned and smiled at his other audience, tears of joy streaking his face. Miss Parker and Sydney smiled back. Miss Parker bit her lip. He was walking. She felt every bit of joy a mother felt when her son walked for the first time. They were small steps, but they were steps she thought he may never take She had tortured herself for so long at the thought this day might not come. She deserved the pain she caused herself though. She had caused him more. She closed her eyes as the memories of how this all happened came rushing back to her. * * * * He climbed up the ladder as fast as he could. In his hand he held everything that mattered to him. His life. His identity. His past. His persuers came running around the corner before he expected them to. he stopped to look back for a moment. Hopeing he could get away in time. Miss Parker pointed her gun at him. "Stop! Or I swear I'll shoot you in the back!" She screamed at him. His mouth was dry and his heart raced. He tried to stay calm. She would never shoot anyone. It was an act. He had to be brought back alive. Or at least that's what he hoped. He had to try to run away. After all he'd been through to be free. After all he'd done to get the truth that he had looked so hard for. He turned away struggling to get out of her firing range. He prayed she wouldn't pull the trigger. All of a sudden he heard the sound of a gunshot pierce through the silence. He tried to keep running but he felt his body collapse. He lost control of his legs. He lost the grip of the bars, beginning to become aware of a fiery pain in his lower back. He fell backwards. Losing all hold and balance. He heard the sound of screams as he fell, he didn't realize they were his own. He was confused at what had happened. He felt like time went in slow motion as the ground grew nearer by the second. He hit the concrete hard. He felt everything disappear. * * * * Miss Parker was almost surprised to hear herself squeeze the trigger. She watched in horror as Jarod fell from the ladder onto the floor below. Her mind throbbed with terror. What had she done? He hit the floor hard, and lay motionless where he fell. * * * * Sydney let out a frightened gasp as Jarod began to fall. She had done it. She had pulled the trigger. She had shot Jarod. He screamed, realization hitting him as Jarod hit the ground hard. "Jarod!" He screamed, too scared to move towards him. "What have you done?!" He hissed unable to look at Miss Parker. She just stood there, unable to reach any emotion. Sydney pushed past her and ran to Jarod's side. A large pool of blood began to seep from under his back, staining the concrete around it. He crouched down at Jarod's side and turned to face Miss Parker again. "Quickly, call the paramedics!" He shouted at her, trying to hide the choking emotion gripping him. She stared at him laying there. "He's fine." She hissed, cursing herself for not being able to free the tears inside. Sydney's eyes widened with rage. "You shot him in the back! He needs help!!" He screamed, turning back to Jarod. The colour began to drain from his face and the pool of blood continued to grow. He grabbed Jarod's wrist with shaking hands, desperately searching for a pulse. He took a sharp intake of breath as he felt none. He tested for breathing, praying he'd find it. Jarod wasn't breathing. Sydney struggled to stop from crying. "Oh my God he isn't breathing!" he turned to face Miss Parker. "Get an ambulance now!!" He screamed, more emotion filling his voice now than she had ever remembered. She flinched with fear at both what she had done and Sydney's anger. "They'll find out I shot him." She argued, fear for herself now approaching. Sydney looked up at her disbelieveingly. He rose to his feet, the knees of his pants stained with blood. "Please. For everything Jarod ever did for you, for everything he didn't, I beg you, go and call them now!" She said nothing but turned and ran towards the fire escape. He was right. How could she? Sydney fell to his knee's again. he didn't care what Miss Parker told the police. He didn't care if he went to Jail. He just wanted Jarod to be ok. He cleared his airway, being careful not to move him. He shut his eyes praying that the bullet hadn't severed his spinal cord. He started CPR quickly, struggling to stay calm. Two minutes past. "Jarod come back to me!" he gasped between breaths. Jarod's lifeless body lay before him, with no sign of his efforts taking affect. He fought back tears hard, straining to keep going. Willing himself not to give in. Finally Jarod took a small breath. A sign of hope. Sydney felt for a pulse. It was weak and irratic but it was there. He rocked back on his heels, taking a deep shaky breath. He lent back over the casualty again. He listened to his breathing for a moment. It was weak, shallow, and rapid. He quickly removed his suit jacket and covered him. He was in shock but alive. Though only just. * * * * The paramedics arrived a moment later. Miss Parker at the same time. She felt numb all over. She had done this. She had nearly killed Jarod. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She lent back against the wall as she watched the paramedics loading him on a stretcher, trying to move him as little as possible. His shirt was now soaked in blood and where he previously lay held a terrifying reminder of the lifeless body that lay there only minutes earlier. Sydney was about to join Jarod on the way to the hospital but instead he looked back at her. She avoided his gaze with all his might. Willing him not to look at her. It hurt too much. He was at a battle what to do. Miss Parker had almost killed the person that meant so much to him. He walked over to her slowly, his whole body shaking at what had just happened. "The doctors say he's lost a lot of blood. He's got a pretty bad case of shock and they aren't sure if the bullet severed his spinal cord." He said softly, half sorry for her and half ready to lash out at her for what she had done. She looked back at the blood on the concrete, her mind going numb with shock again. "You shot him." Sydney said quietly, his accusing voice bouncing around in her head. She couldn't look at him but managed to speak. "I warned him." She whispered cursing herself for being so heartless with her words. She didn't mean it, but was too scared to admit anything, even to herself. He laughed a shocked sad laugh. "The police want a statement, why don't you walk over there and tell them "what you saw". And every time you take a step, think about how Jarod may never be able to." He finished and walked away to join the ambulance. She watched him go keeping her outside strong. She turned to the police and pasted on a distressed look that was so real, she just couldn't let them know the reason for it. She gave them her statement calmly, explaining that her and Sydney had heard a gunshot and came to investigate. She knew the story wouldn't hold up. She knew that the lady who had given Jarod the truth would have been up here already if it weren't blocked off by police. She walked as far as she could away from the scene, keeping her emotions inside for a little while longer. She booked a hotel room, for once in her life not caring where. She walked up the stairs to her room, with every step Sydney's words would repeat themselves louder. She stepped inside the room slowly, no longer able to fight off the sharp pains of what she had done. She let out a loud cry of emotion, sobbing hard as she threw herself down on the bed. She cried so hard her tears where silent. Eating her up from the inside out. She curled into a tight ball on the bed. Wanting comfort badly but at the same time hating herself so much that she didn't know if she deserved it. She beat her fists on the flowered dooner cover, hating her hands for pulling that trigger, hating herself for wanting to. Hot tears burned their way down her cheeks and all the emotions she had been feeling began to form a rock solid ball in her throat. She pulled a pillow down over her head to hide her sobs. What had she done? * * * * She took a deep breath before picking up the phone. "What." A stern voice answered. She smiled, the origin of her greeting apparent. "Daddy it's me." The voice softened slightly but still seemed menacing. "Have you caught him?" "No. But I did shoot him." She whispered, her tears threatening to start again. "Is he dead?" Her fathers tone didn't change. "Just hurt. I don't know how bad but he's in the hospital at the moment. I'm going to go see him in minute." The mans voice grew impatient. "Why are you ringing?" "I need you to get the police off my case." "How would I do that?" "Delete their records, transfer people, you've done it before." The man's voice seemed to grow louder with pride at her statement. "Anything for my little girl." He said placing the phone down on it's holder. Miss Parker stared into the silent receiver for a moment. He hadn't changed. * * * * The machines beeped softly, reminding Sydney of what had happened. That wasn't hard to do though. He stared down at Jarod. He lay there, his eyes closed, wires, needles and every other sort of equipment monitored him, testing him and generally helping him to stay alive. Sydney closed his eyes for a moment to regain his composure once again. He was waiting on the results of the X rays, waiting to find out the truth. He cursed silently, that's all that Jarod wanted. He was still partly in shock of what Miss Parker did. He was over feeling sorry for her though, now he was just furious at her. He tried to tell himself that she cared, but it seemed that everything she said denied it. He heard a sound behind him. He turned quickly hopeing to see the doctors, hoping they bared good news. But instead she stood there. Her eyes where red and puffy and her hair was pulled back carelessly. She took a deep breath and walked up to him. "Hey Syd, how's Boy wonder?" She asked uncaringly. She stopped herself the moment she finished saying it. She'd done it again. She took a deep breath trying to stop the tears from starting. "Look, I'm sorry, I just want to know how he is." Sydney wasn't sure to take this as her caring or as a plea to avoid confrontation. He decided not to wonder. It seemed to end in pain all the times before. "Not good." he replied softly. "He's fallen into a coma. The doctors are still waiting on the x-rays to find out the severity of his other injuries." She nodded touching the white bandage that was wrapped around his head lightly. "I didn't...." The doctor walked in through the doors carrying a clipboard. Miss Parker sighed. She was interrupted saying the thing she had tried to hard to convince herself to say. The doctor came over to the bed and greeted them. "Good evening Sydney," He man said with a professional smile. He turned to Miss Parker. "You must be another friend of Mr. Russell's?" he stated using the name Sydney had given him, the name Jarod had called his own for so long. A ball of emotion formed in her stomach. She looked down trying to keep from crying. Sydney answered for her. "Yes, Miss Parker and Jarod grew up together." She looked up, her teeth clenched, and met Sydney's stare with sad eyes. He nodded in understanding. The doctor cleared his throat and began to go over the contents of the clipboard. "What do they x-rays say?" Sydney asked his mind beginning to hum with anxiety again. The doctor sighed. "The bullet is pressed up against his spinal cord." Miss Parker couldn't handle the wait. "Will he be able to walk?" She asked. "I'm not sure." The doctor replied frowning. "Well when will you be sure?" she fought back tears. "His spinal cord is slightly damaged. If we remove the bullet we're at a risk of amplifying that damage just trying to move it, then again if we don't any movement whatsoever could sever the cord completely. To tell you the truth we don't know what to do." Sydney sighed. Hope wasn't gone yet. "What is usually done in these situations?" The doctor shook his head. "It's different each time. I've never actually seen someone with that finer line between severed and intact." Miss Parker walked to the other side of the bed and looked down at Jarod laying there. He looked so calm and peaceful. The monitors surrounding him beeped intrusively making her feel more closed in than she already did. "I'll call in some research assistants and see what they can suggest." He smiled. "Until then we'll just have to watch and wait." He turned to leave but Miss Parker called after him. "When will he wake up?" she asked no longer able to mask the emotion in her voice. "No one can tell." He replied and left the room. Miss Parker let out a frustrated sigh and fell back onto the chair beside the bed. Her head swelled with frustration. She wanted to know the truth. She had to be in control. Sydney sat down on the chair beside her. "Why are you here?" He asked softly. "What are you talking about Syd?" She replied irritably, craving a cigarette. "I'm talking about Jarod. Why are you here? Why aren't you relaxing at your hotel?" The sudden questions frustrated her more. "I felt like a walk." She said sarcastically. Sydney nodded with defeat knowing he had to get to the point. "Did you mean to shoot Jarod?" He asked softly. Miss Parker had to stop herself from crying. "Yes Syd, I did." She hissed angrily. She couldn't understand why she couldn't say what she felt. It was true in a way though. She had meant to shoot him. Until she did. Then everything fell apart. She rose to her feet and stormed out of the room. She couldn't turn back. She couldn't let him see she was crying. * * * * The sunlight stung her blearly eyes. She sat up and promptly lit a cigarette. She inhaled deeply. Searching for comfort wherever she could find it. She got to her feet slowly, stretching her stiff back. She was going back to The Center today. She couldn't stay here. Not with Sydney, not with Jarod. She flopped back down on the bed. Her body protesting at being woken. She picked up her purse and began to fumble with the strap. It slid from her hands and fell open to the floor exposing her credit cards, a small amount of cash and a picture, a picture she never let anyone see. She closed her eyes tightly, shutting out the image before her. It was Jarod and her as children. They looked about 13 or 14, they stood grinning through the pain of their lives, their arms around each other tightly. They both seemed content to be together. She picked up the purse and shut it quickly. She didn't have many tears left to cry. She had to be strong. Again. She could never live with her life otherwise. * * * * "Sir?" The nurses voice awoke Sydney suddenly. He sat up straight in the chair, trying to get a hold on his location. He took one look around the silent hospital room and it all came back to him He must have fallen asleep in the chair beside the bed, his tiredness must have finally gotten to him. He was still wearing his blood stained pants and his shirt was rumpled and dirty. He shook his head to wake himself fully and looked up at the smiling nurse. "Sir?" She queried again. "A Miss Parker called for you. She told me to tell you that she went back and to call her if there's any news on Jarod." Sydney nodded. It was no more than he expected. He forced a smile. "Yes thank you." He nodded to her as she left the room quietly. He couldn't go. He couldn't leave Jarod. He picked up his coat and slowly walked towards the door. He had to get a hotel room and some new clothes, Jarod needed him here. * * * * One Week Later. The Center. Miss Parker sat quietly at her desk. Her mind wasn't here. She couldn't seem to get a hold of anything. She stared down at the phone. Willing it to ring. She hadn't heard from Sydney at all. She knew she should take that as good news. But she couldn't. Not after what happened. The door opened silently and a middle aged man walked in. She turned around slowly, just enough to see him. "Hi Daddy." She mumbled trying to sit up straighter. He frowned and slid onto the desk in front of her. "I'm worried about you." He said, his tone as dry as usual. "Why?" She mumbled, knowing the answer. "You've been here a week and there isn't a sign of the tough, brave, uncaring daughter I raised." He smiled making his comments about her a compliment. She didn't answer for a moment so he continued. "This is about Jarod isn't it?" He hissed, his voice becoming hostile. She stared at him. "He probably wont be able to walk." She shouted, her anger coming to the surface. "He can pretend sitting down!" her father shouted back. She bit her lip. She wanted to argue with him, but she was too scared. "I did that to him." She replied softly her voice controlled. "You where trained to shoot, to kill. You did nothing wrong!" He snarled. It was true but it was different. "Maybe, but I never did it before." She whispered and walked out of the room quickly. * * * * The doctor walked into Jarod's room with two nurses. They pushed a small bed on wheels. "We're taking him in for surgery." The doctor sighed. Sydney frowned at him. "I thought you said that was too much of a risk?" "It's a risk that we have to take. His body is already under stress, but we're planning to use a gentler anaesthetic." Sydney shifted his feet visibly concerned. The doctor smiled reassuringly. "He'll be fine." He said unconvincingly. Sydney stared at him. He sighed. "It's our only option." Sydney nodded as they loaded Jarod onto the bed and placed an oxygen mask over his pale face. Sydney wondered what he felt, if anything. He wondered if he knew what was happening. He hoped not. The doctor wheeled Jarod out of the room, leaving nothing behind but an empty bed and the sounds of the remaining machines slowing down. He reached into his pocket and pulled out Miss Parkers number. He had to call her. He wandered up to the phone in the hall, dropping in two coins and listening to them drop with a thud to join the many others that where already there. "What?" She answered sounding thoroughly depressed. He could swear she sounded like she had been crying, but dared not to say anything. "It's me." He said softly. Miss Parker straightened in her chair, a mixture of curiosity and anxiety filling her voice. "What happened?" "He's gone in for surgery." Sydney stated, his voice weak. "Isn't that a risk?" She asked. "They say they have no choice." There was a pause on the other end for a moment. "I'm on my way." She mumbled and hung up. Sydney placed the phone back down and stared down the empty corridor. He knew this hospital now, and everyone knew him. It was as if he was a permanent fixture here. He shook his head as he listened to the silence. It was a lot like a place he used to know. * * * * Three hours later Miss Parker arrived. It was late and the darkness of the streets made her tired. She walked straight to Jarod's room, half by instinct. The bed lay empty still, a feeling of forboding crossed her mind for a moment, but she pushed it aside. She walked to the side of the bed. Smiling softly as she saw Sydney laying there. Slumped in his chair fast asleep. She knew how he felt. He couldn't go home. She sat down in the chair beside him letting out a sigh as she relaxed slightly. Sydney stirred and opened his eyes. "What? Is he here?" He mumbled sitting up quickly. "No." She shook her head. He slumped back into the chair. "Dammit this wait is torture!" He mumbled tiredly. The sounds of a bed being wheeled down the hall brought them both to the present. "Looks like we don't have much longer to wait." She stood up quickly and walked towards the bed. She looked down at Jarod. He had an oxygen mask strapped securely to his face and a drip in his arm. His skin was pale and his eyes closed lifelessly. "Is he ok?" She was almost afraid to ask. The doctor shrugged. "Well we removed the bullet, and he's still alive. But as for the rest, we wont know until he wakes up." She nodded not wanting to know any more. * * * * Three days later. Jarod's room. The hospital. He opened his eyes slowly. The quickening hum of the machines broke the deafening silence. He looked around the room searching for something familiar. All of a sudden it came back to him. Everything that happened. Why he was here. Fear filled his mind as he realized he couldn't feel his legs. He bit his lip hard to stop himself crying out with fear. He looked back up at the machines, they where recording everything about him, they would tell the doctors he was awake. That couldn't happen yet. He closed his eyes again, struggling to slow down his quickened heartbeat. He took a deep ragged breath, willing himself to pretend that he was back where he had been for so long. He allowed himself to drift back into that nothing for awhile longer. He listened to the machines slowing down again, telling everyone he hadn't changed. He fought off the stabbing pains of panic that cornered him and tried to calm down. He couldn't feel his legs. He slowly moved his hand over them, they felt like they weren't a part of him. As impersonal as touching the bed. His mind swirled as he tried to get a hold of his emotions. Miss Parker had done this. He had never expected her to, he knew he was the hunted but somewhere deep inside himself he had always believed she still felt about him the way he did about her. He wasn't mad, just confused. Memories of The Center came back to him with frightening reality. They wanted him back. They would do anything for it, even risk his life. That is if he could still pretend. An idea went off in his head. They wouldn't want him if he couldn't. His mind turned back to the machines. They beeped slowly, without change. He could fool them he was still sleeping. Why couldn't he fool The Center that he couldn't remember, anything. He thought for a moment about his latest idea. It could work. But then he couldn't talk to her. Ask her why. He wondered if his loyal persuers where here, if they had stayed with him. Even though he was mad at them they where still a small source of comfort to him, dispite him trying to convince himself otherwise. He slowly let him self come back to consciousness, only now becoming aware of a stabbing pain in his lower back. He let out a small cry, confusion, and fear taking over again. Within a moment a nurse was by his side, adjusting the machines. "You're awake!" She smiled at him, reassuringly. "How are you feeling?" He struggled to block out the pain. "My back...I, I can't feel my legs." He let his fear show through, he just couldn't let his memories. She put his her hand on his wrist to take his pulse. "You where in an accident." She said softly. "Who am I?" He asked. "What happened?" He frowned blinking back tears, almost surprising himself at his act. The nurse seemed surprised. She quickly lent over and pushed a button on the top of his bed. "You don't remember?" She asked. He shook his head. "I'm just going to call in a doctor to see you." She frowned heading out the door. He slumped back on the mound of pillows. Barely a minute later a kindly looking doctor entered with two nurses. One hurried over to the drip in his arm and injected something into it. The doctor smiled at him and introduced himself. "Hello Jarod I'm Dr. Maple." He looked as confused as he could. "Jarod?" He asked. The nurse whispered something about amnesia in his ear and the Doctor nodded. "Jarod do you remember anything?" He asked. Jarod shook his head. "No." He sighed and turned to face the nurse. "Call in Mr. Russell's friends." He whispered. The hairs on Jarod's neck stood up. Sydney had registered him here, noone else would still use that name for him. The doctor turned back to him and began his explanation. "Jarod you where shot in your lower back." He said softly. "I can't feel my legs." Jarod whispered fearfully. "That's Ok." The doctor tried to reassure him. "The bullet damaged your spinal cord," he began. Jarod closed his eyes trying not to cry. The doctor put his hand on his shoulder. "You've had an operation Jarod, we've removed the bullet. You might still get your feeling back." Jarod looked up, grasping at the small thread of hope. "Will I be able to walk?" He moaned, the painkillers just beginning to take effect. "Probably." The doctor lied. Jarod knew it wasn't true. He could feel the doctor trying to hid his worry for Jarod behind a cheery face. Jarod sighed and closed his eyes. How could she do this to him? He wanted to ask her more than he could admit. The doctor and nurses left quietly and he made the most of his time alone. He closed his eyes with a sigh, enjoying the simple pleasure of the pain lessening again. He opened his eyes again slowly and stared at the ceiling. He fought the sobs of anguish that fought to get out and clenched his teeth. He had to be strong till she left. He was brought back to his surroundings by the sound of high heels walking briskly down the hall, approaching his room. He took a deep breath. This was it. Miss Parker and Sydney smiled warmly at him as they approached his bed. He struggled to hide the look of anger and confusion that filled him and kept his face blank and confused. "Hello Jarod." She said unsurely. "How are you feeling?" Sydney asked him smiling. He turned between them and frowned. "As good as can be expected when you've been shot in the back and don't know anything about anyone." He replied softly, gritting his teeth to hide his inner torment. Miss Parker and Sydney exchanged glances. "Jarod, we're sorry about what happened." Sydney shook his head innocently. "My name's Sydney and this is Miss Parker." he gestured towards her and Jarod nodded. "You must be good friends of mine right?" He asked narrowing his eyes. Miss Parker shifted from foot to foot and finally looked back up at him. "Yes Jarod, friends." * * * * He smiled. Today the doctors had allowed him out of his ward. He was still weak, but to be out of bed and sitting, though in a wheelchair, brought more relief than he could remember since he escaped the Center. The halls buzzed with early morning activity, and in a way it reassured him. Silence scared him now. "Can I go outside?" He asked, turning to the nurse. She shook her head and sighed. "The doctor wants you to regain your strength first." Jarod's disappointment was noticeable. "I can put you by the window if you like?" She offered. He nodded sadly, the chair coming to a stop outside a large window, looking down onto the street. He mumbled a thank you and turned back to the window, aching to feel the sun against his pale skin. He looked through the thin sheet of glass to the road below. The autumn breeze blew rusty brown leaves across the nearby park. He closed his eyes, feeling the laugher of the children that chased them. The dropping of a metal try behind him startled him. He jerked as upright as he could get, reawakening then pain that haunted him. A single tear rolled down his cheek. He felt so alone, so afraid, and so trapped. Like a bird in a cage, longing to be able to use his wings. * * * * Jarod fell back against the carpet. His back ached, his head ached, his whole body ached from exhaustion. He let out a small moan of frustration. The doctor sighed. "You ok?" She asked. He gritted his teeth and managed to shake his spinning head. "It's hurting." He moaned softly. She smiled sympathetically. "I know, but you have to start getting your strength up." She patted his arm gently. "Come on. Let's see a few more situps Jarod." She tried to sound enthusiastic but he could tell she was just as tired as he was. He never knew rehab could be this long, or this hard. He strained to lift his head back off the ground and used his weak stomach muscles to lift him as high as he could. He moaned in pain, squeezing his eyelids shut to hide the tears that we're welling up. His whole body felt weak, his back with searing with burning pain and his legs felt lifeless. "You can do it Jarod." She smiled moving his legs in and out as he exercised, trying not to let the muscles wear away too much. "I can't." He whimpered shaking his head but still continuing weakly. "Yes you can, keep going." She encouraged, pushing him harder. "Go on Jarod it isn't that bad." He tried for a moment longer before collapsing on the ground with a scream. Tears burned hot trails down his cheeks and he could no longer hide his sobs of pain. "I can't!" He yelled clutching at his aching back. "My back's too painful!" He wailed, the words catching in his throat. "I can't feel my legs and I'm scared!!" He cried hard, beating his fists on the carpeted floor. "I just c-can't...." * * * * Miss Parker and Sydney watched him through the glass of the door. He seemed to be working ok, and then he collapsed in pain, it all got too much. Miss Parkers heart ached as he screamed those words. "I just can't!" She struggled to hide the welling up of emotion that now overwhelmed her. It fought too hard though, and she let out a soft sob of anguish, hers and his. She turned away from Sydney and began to run toward the elevator, her emotion choking her more with each step. Her sobs became more apparent as she felt herself lose control of the veneer she had hidden behind since Jarod had woken two days ago. Sydney followed her every step. "Why are you crying?" He asked accusingly, trying to hide his own anger. Her response was a broken sob as she sank to her knees, clutching the wall for support. "It's his pain not yours." He continued, tears filling his eyes. "You did it to him. You weren't even sorry." His words stung her, each syllable driving her deeper into her pain. Her sobs were now loud wails of dispair, so powerful that she couldn't try to fight them. They would have won. "Why should you care!" He hissed, his teeth clenched. The final words hit her the hardest. For that second her tears stopped. Her mind filled with thoughts, with anger. She spun to face him, her eyes full of rage. "Because I love him!!!" She screamed back. The words echoed throughout the hospital ward. Everyone fell silent. Everything stopped. Sydney's jaw fell open, his eyes wide at what she had just said. He couldn't believe his ears. The words almost surprised her as much as they did him. She took a deep ragged breath. She had told him. She had told herself. She sat down in a heap and looked back up at him. "I love him." She repeated barely above a whisper. "I'm crying because I love him." Her tears started again softly, now they were coupled with another emotion though, relief. "And I do feel his pain." She whispered. "Every time he cries. Every time he's scared, I hate myself even more for what I did." * * * * Miss Parker walked back to the hotel half in a daze. It was true what she said. It scared her though. She kicked at a stay stone in the middle of the path. "I love Jarod." She whispered to herself again. She felt a little more weight lift off her shoulders every time she said it. She smiled softly. "I really do." She grinned, her walk a bit more springy. * * * * Jarod took a deep breath and relaxed against the pillows. He was still partly in shock from what he had heard her say. He smiled to himself remembering the first time she had said it. They were 12 years old and barely knew what love was. The memory flashed back to him as it had so many times before. * * * * A young Miss Parker tucked her hair behind her ears and grinned. "What are you smiling about?" Jarod asked, finding her grin contagious. "I don't know, I feel happy when I'm around you." She shrugged wrapping her arm around his shoulder and sliding a little closer to him. He felt breathless at her sudden closeness. "Me too." He said softly. She looked up at him inquisitively. "I wonder why?" She frowned. He shook his head and stroked her soft hair. "I did read something in one of my textbooks." He offered. She smiled. "What?" "It said that there's an emotion that can make two peoples bodies release certain chemicals when they're together, and that makes them feel happy, and dreamy." She nodded. "What's it called?" "It's called love." He smiled softly exploring her deep brown eyes. She nodded knowingly. "Oh." She squeezed his hand and looked back up at him. "I think I love you Jarod." She whispered. His face lit up. "I love you too." Her smile brightened even more. "Really?" She asked hopefully. He nodded. "Really." They lent in and kissed each other softly. They drew away and looked into each others eyes. "Promise that you'll always love me Jarod?" She whispered. He nodded. "I promise." They raised their hands up to each other in the air, this time without the glass between them. "Always." She whispered smiling. * * * * "Are you awake?" Her voice startled him dragging him out of his memory. He smiled up at her. "Yeah." She laughed softly at nothing in particular. "I heard what you said today." He whispered cautiously. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. "Most people did." She smiled softly. He searched in her eyes for an answer. "Did you mean it?" He finally asked. She looked back up at him, meeting his gaze with her own. "Yeah I did." She whispered starting to pace. A stray tear rolled down her cheek. "But I can't." She continued softly. Jarod drew a deep breath in shock. "Why?" She slumped into the chair beside the bed. "Because I shot you." She whispered resting her head in her hands. Jarod closed his eyes, his head spinning. She had told him. He had expected many things but not that. He willed himself to find an answer but couldn't. Finally he nodded. She stood up again and put her hand on his. "I," She closed her eyes tightly trying to gather her thoughts. "Jarod I'm sorry." She cried softly. "Why did you do it?" He asked relieved to finally be able to. "I can't tell you." He turned to face her, confused. "But I can tell you it was a mistake." He nodded, forcing a small smile. "I don't expect you to forgive me." She mumbled softly. "But please understand I'm sorry, and please let me be with you as you get better." Then without warning she lent down and kissed him gently. The kiss was salty and sad, but as exciting as their first kiss so long ago. She pulled away enough to look at him. "I wish you could remember." She whispered. He nodded as he wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "Tell me about my past." He asked innocently. She shut her eyes trying to stop more tears from coming. "We were friends." She smiled sadly, leaving out the other details. "We made a promise, I guess I just forgot it for awhile." She lifted her hand and pressed his against it in their secret promise. "Always." He whispered unable to stop his memory from slipping out. She seemed surprised for a minute but just smiled. "Always." * * * * The dropping of the metal support brought Miss Parker back to the present. She half expected to see that Jarod had fallen down but insted he was walking strongly. He approached her grinning and she held out her arms for him. He fell in to them laughing. She closed her eyes and held him tight, running her fingers through his short brown hair. They had done it together. He pulled away and kissed her gently. "I can do it." He wispered through tears of joy. Her smile shone. "Yes you can." The end. :P Authors note: See? A happy ending :)