By Bob Hutchinson (aka UCSBDad)
Insincere disclaimer: The characters and situations of Farscape belong to other people, I'm just borrowing them for a little bit. Oh, sure. Like you don't know that I'm trying to sneak Aeryn away from here.
Rating: PG. Spoilers: Just a few.
Timeframe: The future, again.
Archiving: You may as well, as I don't get anything out of this except ego satisfaction. Could FS sue me if an archivist bought me a small Cerveza, just coincidentally, of course?
I laughed maniacally as my Prowler sped over the darkened planet. It was too bad that I was in full stealth mode. I would have liked to have seen the human's faces as their new ruler arrived on their planet. So many thing to do, and as usual I have to do everything my self.
If that idiot Crais had been even marginally capable, he might have been some help. But the dolt couldn't even catch an unarmed Leviathan crewed by a bunch of criminals. I had finally had to disable Moya myself and guide Crais's command carrier to them. It was too bad about Pilot and Moya, but if you start trusting a Peacekeeper, you end up in a control collar, or in Pilot's case, worse.
The mess Crais had made of his ship was even worse. Almost anyone could figure out that if your Executive Officer dies of a broken neck while she's alone with you, that your crew's morale is going to slide just a little. As in, slide all the way to rock bottom. Apparently, that was too much of a stretch for Captain Crais. Luckily, I had someone in the crew who was able to spread the word on my behalf that they were working for a lunatic captain who was defying the entire Peacekeeper establishment to pursue a vendetta of his own. It wasn't hard for my operative to suggest that they would all be court-martialed and sent to the labor battalions for their misplaced loyalty. When I had led the mutiny against Crais, he had only a few supporters. And then, exit Captain Crais, out an airlock, and enter Captain Gilina Renaez.
One nice thing about working with criminals is that they will step all over their own kind for the chance of getting what they want, as I had discovered on Namtar's asteroid. I gave D'Argo to Gilina as her new Executive Officer and told her to use him ruthlessly. She did, and now the survivors hated her and D'Argo as much as they were terrified of the two of them.
But a smart leader rewards as well as punishes. And I had my reward in John Crichton's DNA. I had seen the possibility at Namtar's asteroid. Add human DNA to a Sebacean and you get a Sebacean who is immune to heat delirium. At one stroke the greatest threat to the Peacekeepers would be gone. A little pain inflicted on Kornata had gotten her to go along with my plans. I now actually enjoyed being hot. And the terrified looks I got from my subordinates were icing on the cake.
Now Zhaan and Chiana controlled Namtar's asteroid. Before leaving I had taken each aside and said that I really didn't trust the other. With any luck one would kill the other. At the very least, they would be too busy with each other to double cross me. In a way it was too bad about John. He had been interesting. But interesting aliens are easy to come by. Power isn't.
Now all I had to do was establish control of Earth and I would have complete control of the DNA that would make the Peacekeepers invincible. And the DNA that would make me the most powerful Peacekeeper in the Universe. I laughed maniacally.
I couldn't use the command carrier since I had no wish to reduce Earth and it's valuable DNA to ashes. I needed someone on the inside. Some one military. Someone with knowledge of their space program. Someone who understood their politics. Someone like Jack Crichton.
I landed and took off my flight suit. Underneath I had on a tight, short, low cut dress. That should attract his attention. I ran up to his house and pounded frantically on his door. When it opened I ran inside.
"Oh thank God I've found you, Jack. I'm a friend of John's." I showed him the ring Gagarin had given him, and that he had given to John. I also bent over so he got a good look down my dress, just to be sure. He was thoroughly distracted, so I gave him a pantak jab. Down he went. I ran outside to get the large insulated container I had left outside. It would be a matter of microts to transfer his memories into Rygel's brain and put Rygel's brain in Jack Crichton's body. Rygel was already terrified of me. I didn't have time to break Jack Crichton in. But, that Rygel. Whine, whine, whine, about having his brain removed. He should thank me for getting him an improved body. But that's Rygel, always thinking of himself.
I checked Jack. He was still unconscious. I opened the container. A blast of cold air hit me. Frell, that was cold. It was very cold. Terribly cold. Hezmana I was freezing. I...
...sat straight up in bed, fully awake. I was cold. It didn't take long to find the culprit. I grabbed the blankets in both hands and pulled. It was John's turn to sit up.
"What is it, Babe?" he said.
"You're hogging the blankets again. I was freezing." I busied myself with wrapping the blankets around me." I can't understand why you always do that."
I could hear the grin in John's voice. " It's because I'm madly in love with a Sebacean who needs to sleep in sub-zero temperatures to keep from losing her mind."
I was very careful to keep the grin out of my voice." Losing my mind is right. And what was it you fed me tonight? I had the most dreadful nightmare."
"It was supposed to be chili con carne. But I had to use Turkish beans..."
I corrected John automatically, "Turvish beans."
He continued. "Whatever. And that ground meat from whatever D'Argo shot on the last planet, and Zhaan's herbs. I thought Sebaceans didn't dream?"
I had myself all nicely wrapped up in the blankets. "I think Sebaceans only dream once they've been exposed to Humans. Humans do something to our minds, I think."
"Human's make you think instead of fight, that's what I think." John was starting to crawl under the blankets with me. "Or maybe it's not what I do to your mind..." He left the thought hanging there. "Was it a bad dream, Aeryn?"
I told him. "I dreamed I was a Peacekeeper again. I led a mutiny against Crais and put Gilina and D'Argo in charge of his ship. Zhaan and Chiana were left in charge of Namtar's asteroid with you as a research project to improve my DNA. I was going to conquer Earth by putting Rygel's brain into your father."
By this time John was laughing so hard he couldn't have followed any more of the dream. So I ended with, "And it's all your fault. "
"My fault? How do you figure that?"
"It was your silly con carne."
John corrected me automatically. "Chili con carne. And I don't remember forcing you to eat four bowls of it."
By now we were both wrapped up in the blankets. "I didn't say it didn't taste good. I said it gave me a nightmare. And it's all your fault."
"How do you figure that?"
"Simple. You caused a Sebacean to fall madly in love with you." John put his arms around me and pulled me to him. "Now I understand. I am totally at fault. And I owe you."
"You owe me big time, John."
"So how do I atone for my crimes?"
I pushed my feet between his feet.
"God Aeryn, Your feet are cold. Does that make us even again?"
"Not even close." I replied.
John looked over my shoulder at the time readout. " We have about an arn and a half until we're due on the bridge. What did you have in mind?"
I pretended to give that considerable thought. "I want you to make me laugh maniacally."
John started working on that. I don't ever remember laughing maniacally in my life. And I was sure that what John was doing wasn't going to make me laugh maniacally. But I decided to let him try.