Miami Virtue

By Bob Hutchinson (UCSBDad)
Copyright 2001

"This car is an awfully tight fit for a vorlag, Dad." He grumped.

Cue the music. Cue the pink flamingos. Cue the jai alai player. Cue the breasts.

My partner and I drove through the warm South Florida night. We left the neon lighting behind and entered the dark shadows where our business was to be done.

I stopped the car and Larry and I got out. Larry stretched, straightened his Armani suit and checked his hair in the mirror.

"This car is an awfully tight fit for a vorlag, Dad." He grumped.

I shrugged. "It would have been worse if I had been able to get the Ferrari."

We walked toward our supplier, half hidden in the shadows.

He stepped out and checked us over. "You're 'Sonny' Dad?"

I nodded. "This is my partner, Rico the razor tooth vorlag."

For once Larry didn't look around to see who I was talking about when I used his alias.

"You want to move a lot of weight?" The supplier asked.

I nodded again. "All you can supply. Top dollar for primo goods. All the way to Oz."

The supplier scratched his head. "Oz? You mean where Toto lives?"

"Toto lives in Kansas now. Oz is a big place in the Southern Hemisphere. We have friends. Friends who have needs."

He held out two little bags. Larry, who has a vorlag's sense of smell, after all, opened one and inhaled. He opened the other and inhaled deeply, then turned to me. I knew we shouldn't have trusted this guy.

I pulled back my Versace jacket and showed him my Super Soaker 5000. "You got to carry weapons 'cause you always carry cash."

Larry leaned on our supplier a bit. "Lots of shady characters, and lots of dirty deals, Every name's an alias just in case somebody squeals, It's the lure of easy money, it's got a very strong appeal."

"Okay, okay." Our supplier whined. "I was just testing you. Making sure you were stand up guys. I can get you all the Clark Bars and imported chocolate you need."

Larry braced the guy. "We need Clark Bars for that NICE Mr. Ben Browder and the very best chocolate in case Our Beloved Raven Haired Goddess, Miss Claudia Black, needs to be plied with chocolate."

I grabbed Larry's shoulder and pulled him off. "Let's blow this popstand."

We walked away with our supplier still mumbling promises. When we got back in the car, I turned to Larry.

"Lar, we have to stop dealing with your brother Moe."

Larry sighed. "I know he's not the sharpest claw on the paw, but he is family, Dad. Er, em, and he needs a ride home, too."

I stared at Moe in the shadows and waved him over. In a flash, he was in the back seat.

"Thanks, Dad. Can I ride with my head out the window? I just love that."

I nodded. "It's such a cliché, Moe, but if you like it, okay."

Larry cleared his throat. "Dad, I'm a little hungry. Can we stop by Nawlins for a little snack?"

I stared at Larry.

"You know, Dad, I bet we could find some Clark Bars and fine chocolate in the Big Easy. You can find anything there." Larry said.

"Rico, have you ever considered a career in Farscape fandom?"