By Bob Hutchinson (aka UCSBdad)
Copyright 2001

Disclaimer: Believe me, I do not own him. No way! Never.
Rating: Very PG, even with Aeryn in a micro-bikini.
Time: In the future.
Spoilers: Only the guy with bad teeth. He'll spoil anything.
Archiving: Is there a website for leather clad sociopath fanfic?




"Begin transmission."

The camera opens on an attractive blonde Sebacean woman. "Good evening. I'm Tol Ventras."

Tol is dressed in a conservative black business suit with dark red trim. Her hair is pulled straight back into a braid.

The camera pans right to an equally attractive dark haired Sebacean male. "And I'm Varis Collen. And this is the Sebacean News Network's Evening Briefing."

Varis is dressed slightly more casually than Tol. He has on a light gray suit, and he wears a mustache.

Tol Ventras turns to the camera and assumes a serious air. "Tonight we are fortunate to have a live interview with the former chief of the Research and Analysis Branch of Peacekeeper Intelligence, Scorpius."

The camera moves back, showing Scorpius in a device much like Rygel's hover throne. He looks much as he always has, but older and more worn. He smiles and first shakes Varis Collen's hand and then Tol Ventras's.

Tol smiles at Scorpius. "It is good to see you, sir. And it's a pleasure to be able to interview someone who was stood the very center of some of the most fascinating events of the last fifty or more cycles."

Scorpius smiles at Tol. "Why thank you. I suppose I have done quite a bit for the Peacekeepers. But you must remember what they have done for me. Allowing me to overcome the accident of my birth, and contribute to Sebacean society."

Varis Collen gives Scorpius a concerned look. "Sir, I can't help but notice that you are in a hover chair. May I ask why?"

Scorpius chuckles. "I can't put one past the Evening Briefing, can I?"

Varis and Tol smile, and Scorpius continues. "I'm afraid that it's my half Scarren and half Sebacean nature. Each half of my heritage wars with the other, to the detriment of my body, I'm afraid. But a small price to pay and really of no significance."

Scorpius turns and smiles to the camera. "I suppose there's really no question of why I'm here tonight, is there?"

Both Varis and Tol smile broadly. "No, sir. The motion picture Farscape is setting box office records from Lux to Hyneria and even in the Sebacean worlds, amazingly enough."

Scorpius looks slightly surprised. "Amazingly? Hardly. A handsome, daring and practically Sebacean hero. A beautiful and brave Sebacean heroine. A plot covering the most exciting times in the last thousand cycles. How could it fail?"

Both Varis and Tol look bemused. Varis replies to Scorpius. "I suppose if you put it that way, sir. However, I'm sure I speak for Tol as well, I hadn't imagined you'd have such a favorable attitude towards Farscape.

Scorpius chortles openly. "So. I have put one past the Evening Briefing, haven't I?"

Varis and Tol exchange glances and wonder if the interview is going to go as they had thought.

"I am sure it will surprise the two of you to know that I have my very of copy of the director's cut of Farscape. And I used my influence to get one of the first advance copies of Farscape: The Peacekeepers Strike Back."

Scorpius leans towards the camera and smiles. "Allow me to advise our audience out there that any money they spend on bootleg copies of Episode Two is just thrown away. Save your money for the real thing when it opens in another few monens. Depend on it."

Scorpius smiles even more broadly. "And you have Scorpius's word that the soon to be completed The Return of the Human will knock your socks off, to use one of John's expressions. I still have my sources."

Both Varis and Tol are amazed at this turn of events. Tol manages to recover first. "I must say, Scorpius, that I can't wait to hear your version of events, though."

Scorpius assumes a serious expression. "When I first met John, so many years ago, I was immediately aware that he was a representative of a very different race of beings. Still, I could hardly have imagined that when the humans did establish contact with us, that it would be their entertainment industry that would lead the way. "

Varis tries to keep Tol from dominating the interview. "I had no idea you were such a fan of Earth entertainments."

"Very much so. As a matter of fact, I'm a big fan of one of John's favorite actors, John Wayne."

Scorpius glances at the two Sebacean reporters, but the name means nothing to them. Scorpius continues. "One of his films, The Searchers is a classic. It's about a man who tries to find a female relative who has been irreversibly contaminated by contact with a sub-species of humans. It dispenses with the traditional happy ending and shows a spirit of discipline rarely found in human films. I suppose you really have to be a movie buff to appreciate these things, though."

Tol continues questioning Scorpius. "Please do tell us your view of Farscape though, sir."

Scorpius smiles a long, slow smile. "Well, that's it isn't it? Farscape is entirely from John's perspective. I have my own perspective, of course."

Scorpius resumes his serious expression. "The first half arn is remarkably accurate from both our perspectives. I imagine that any race that ran into Bialar Crais would naturally assume the worst about Peacekeepers. Oh, don't let his subsequent career fool you. He was a brute back in those days. The tragic death of Lt. Teeg is not artistic license. That is very much how it happened. I only wish she had tried to contact the authorities more indirectly and not confronted Crais with his dereliction of duty. Tragic. Tragic, indeed."

Scorpius glance sat Varis and Tol, who are clearly fascinated. "Crais's subsequent career was very much as portrayed, also. Although I suspect Aeryn Sun's unaccountable affection for the man, or for his ship, more likely, softened his portrayal in Farscape. But he was a man who dealt with arms merchants and terrorists. A man not above bank robbery, I might add. And look at him now. You can hardly watch an Earth entertainment without seeing one of his infomercials. "Get in touch with your human side," He says. "Remember the morality of your parents." Hmmph! His parents had the good sense to send him off to the Peacekeepers before he started boring the Universe to death with his touchy-feely philosophy. There's human expression I've learned to appreciate: There's nothing worse that a reformed anything."

Varis, sensing a break, speaks. "You say the first half arn was accurate from both your perspectives. When did that change?"

"At the Gammack base when John and I first met, of course. From John's perspective, he was infiltrating a dangerous Peacekeeper base to save the woman he loved. I doubt that he even considered the possibility that all Peacekeepers weren't like Captain Bialar Crais. Remember, John did not come openly to us, asking for our assistance. He entered masquerading as a dead Special Ops Captain, whose fate is unclear to this day."

Tol sees an opening and pounces. "You're not suggesting that if Crichton had arrived with a shipful of escaped prisoners and a renegade Peacekeeper and asked for help, you would have simply provided it?"

Scorpius chuckles. "No. Not under those conditions. But John is a very intelligent and perceptive being. If he had stopped and thought his position out, I'm sure he would have seen that a trade was possible. I would have my wormhole data and he would have had a paraphoral nerve tissue graft. Given the stakes, even at that stage of our problems with the Scarrens, I would have considered the loss of a few minor prisoners to be well worth information on wormhole technology."

Tol sees an opening. "But what about the torture of John Crichton in the Aurora chair?"

Scorpius nods slightly to her. "I really must take full responsibility for that, but I do object to the word torture. John was apprehended in a most secret research facility using a false identity. We interrogated him of course, using the Aurora chair. Interrogation is not pleasant, but neither is it torture. Our error, my error, since I was ultimately in charge, was not recognizing that John was not some Sebacean variant but an entirely different race. The chair was much more painful to him than to a Sebacean, which we eventually figured out."

"I should point out that when John was married on the Royal Planet, his being frozen into a statue was agonizingly painful to him as the machine was set for Sebaceans and not humans. But the Empress was hardly torturing John. It was an unavoidable error, as were the events on the Gammack Base."

Tol nods, but Varis smiles and asks a question. "You mentioned Bialar Crais and even referred to him as a brute in those days. How can you justify allowing such a man to take part in an interrogation, as you call it?"

Scorpius smiles broadly. "Isn't hindsight wonderful? Then, Bialar Crais was an honorable ship's captain patrolling the Uncharted Territories, who had been out of contact for a while. I had no reason to believe he was engaged in some sort of crude vendetta. And no reason not to allow Crais to oversee John's interrogation. After all, torture simply makes the victim want to tell you what you want to hear, not make him cooperative. Of course, in Crais's case, the torture was an end to itself."

Tol frowns. "Then you say that you weren't present when Bialar Crais was torturing John Crichton?"

"I was present on a few occasions when John was being interrogated. His mind may well remember that I was there the whole time, but I was not. And remember, I'm a specialist in technical intelligence. I was trying to run a very large research program at the time, not interrogate every burglar we caught."

"Of course, when I did realize that John was being badly hurt by the Aurora chair, I stopped its use. That's when I discovered John had knowledge of wormholes. I immediately put a chip in his brain to recover than knowledge. Had John remained where he was, the chip would have removed the data with no further injury to John."

Tol is still not convinced. "So, you are saying that the torture of John Crichton was due solely to Bialar Crais's vendetta? You had no part in it?"

Scorpius smiles and replies. "As the person in charge, I must take full responsibility for the actions of my subordinates. However, it should be apparent I had no reason to torture John. The chip got my wormhole information with little or no injury to John. That may seem self-serving, but the only people who know everything who are still alive are John, whose memories are probably not to be depended on, myself, and Bialar Crais. Of course you can invite Crais on to your show, but considering he's wanted by First Command for his criminal activities, he's not likely to come."

Tol smiles at Scorpius. "But what would have happened to John after the chip had done its job had he not escaped?"

Scorpius frowns. "Difficult to say. He did knowingly violate security directives in his masquerade, even if for what even I admit was a noble cause. Again, with the benefit of hindsight, I realize I should have offered John a job on our project."

That takes both Tol and Varis by surprise. Varis sputters. "Crichton, work for you?"

Tol is marginally slower, but more perceptive. "Somehow, I can't see a most secret Peacekeeper research facility hiring an alien of an unknown race, who is an accomplice to a ship of escaped convicts and a Peacekeeper defector."

Scorpius smiles broadly. "I suppose not. But what ever might have happened is irrelevant. What did happen is that Aeryn Sun and her friends removed John from custody and escaped. We were indeed fortunate that my chip was in place. I might add that John would have reason to thank me for that chip, although I don't believe he ever did."

Varis tries to regain control of the interview. "I doubt that John Crichton will ever thank you for the chip, considering what it did."

Scorpius wags a finger at Varis. "Now, now. We're getting a little ahead of our story, aren’t we?"

Tol takes advantage of Varis's discomfort. "I believe you indicated that the chip was damaged and that that was a cause of many of the subsequent problems."

"My! You have been reading the briefings I sent along, haven't you Tol?"

Tol smiles at Varis who is trying to scan a document just below the line of sight of the camera.

Scorpius nods. "Not just damaged. The chip was never designed to be used except in a controlled environment such as a Gammack Base. The clone of myself was not designed to do anything but interact in a benign environment. I must say I was amazed at how well it did do. People may talk about humans and how far they've come in a few short cycles, but there is still something to be said for Peacekeeper technology."

"In addition, John's brain was severely influenced be a being called T'raltixx. That caused the clone to become known to John. Otherwise it would have remained dormant until it had all of the wormhole data. The clone shown in that segment of Farscape was actually trying to help John, although the film implies he wanted to kill off John's friends. The clone was simply trying to protect John from the people who were trying to kill him."

Varis interrupts. "But those were his friends, not to mention the woman he loves."

"At that time, they were creatures of T'raltixx, totally under his control. I do like to think that my chip prevented John from suffering the same fate and saved all of his friends, although John prefers to believe it was his human optic nerve."

Scorpius turns to the camera and smiles benignly. "Again, with the advantage of hindsight, I might wish that I had programmed my chip to be more flexible in protecting John. But I never imagined John would be spirited from the safety of my laboratory by a single renegade Peacekeeper."

Scorpius stares off into the distance and chuckles softly. "But then Aeryn Sun is, in her own way, unique."

Tol smiles broadly. "I believe that you have had a continuing feud with members of the Peacekeeper hierarchy."

Scorpius looks mildly upset. "Feud? Oh, hardly. Certainly there were disagreements over policy and I always felt that my health was strong enough to allow me to continue in some intelligence capacity. But those in First Command disagreed."

Tol leans forward. "Specifically, Admiral Braca disagreed. He has never made any secret of his belief that you remained in high level intelligence work for much longer than your health allowed."

Scorpius is trying to control his temper, but his voice lowers just a bit. "Admiral Braca. Ah, yes. I believe that your program was properly quite critical of his handling of the Carrac Cluster offensive against the Scarrens. Had Braca utilized the information I provided for him, he could have swept the Scarrens from the cluster in a few weekens. As it was, he took nearly half a cycle."

Tol smiles broadly. "That brings us to the incident above the Royal Planet, on the ship with the wedding presents for Princess Katralla."

Scorpius is very relieved. "Yes. Even if all that John Crichton has said about me were true, he never called me stupid. Why would I ever put John in such a position? Under fire by defense satellites and with no space suit? I certainly would never have wanted that to happen. John could have easily been killed blowing himself out into a vacuum like that. But, Lieutenant Braca, as he was then, was my subordinate and I must ultimately be responsible for his actions, foolish and dangerous as they were."

Scorpius brightens. "But the incident when John was kidnapped by Scarrens proves my point. Even John admits that the clone saved his life. But, again, the chip and its clone were subjected to forces it was never designed to face. Certainly the chip later behaved in ways that I, of course, thoroughly disapprove of, but these can hardly be laid at my door."

Varis finishes reading the briefing and turns to Scorpius. "Then that brings us to the events at the Shadow Depository and the use of Ka Jothee as a hostage."

Scorpius harrumphs. "Hostage? Well, I suppose if you want to be technical. I prefer to think of Ka Jothee as a bargaining chip. And please recall that if it were not for me, Jothee would have been a slave to this day. I did save him from that and felt that Ka D'Argo might be persuaded to assist me in what everyone wanted: The removal of a damaged chip from John Crichton's brain. And I would have done just that if not for the nefarious activities of Natira. She, after all, attempted to sneak John away for her own purposes. I was fortunately able to prevent that from happening to John, even if I was not able to recover the chip."

Varis smiles coldly at Scorpius. "But what of the deaths of ten thousand Banik slaves?"

"Ah. You've been talking to Stark, haven't you? Stark is a very different sort of Banik, but a very strange sort, as well. "My side, your side. My side, your side." He's been using that same shtick for cycles now. He used it on the old Leno show as I recall when he first got to Earth."

Varis continues. "But he does accuse you of murdering ten thousand Banik slaves to get Ka Jothee."

Scorpius sighs melodramatically. "As I've said before, I take full responsibility for everything done in my name by Braca. The slaves died during the course of one of my operations, so responsibility falls on me. But, that said, I am neither stupid, nor for that matter rich. The ten thousand slaves that died cost me a great of currency. Why would I order their destruction?"

"Oh. I realize that we are all supposed to be embarrassed to use the word slaves in these enlightened times. After all, Sebaceans had to abandon many of their cherished beliefs about the 'lesser races' to form the coalition that eventually defeated the Scarrens. But the fact remains that I lost a great deal of currency due to Lieutenant Braca's rash act."

Tol sees an opening and pounces. "You lost a great deal of currency? Do you maintain that the money kept in the shadow depository was your personal currency? Shouldn’t you have used Peacekeepers funds? How did you, a relatively poorly paid intelligence officer manage to acquire enough currency to need the services of a shadow depository?"

Scorpius tries to maintain a bland façade, but his voice lowers slightly. "I'm afraid there are still some secrets I must keep from you."

Tol and Varis stare at each other briefly and silently decide to drop the question, for now.

Varis smiles at Scorpius. "So then, Lieutenant Braca ordered the murder of the ten thousand slaves on his own authority?"

Scorpius relaxes. "Well, I certainly wasn't present and as I have already said, I had no reason, personal or professional, to waste such valuable assets. But, you must remember, Braca was very young and inexperienced in those days. He was prone to rash actions without considering the consequences. Actions such as leaving John Crichton behind on the ship in orbit around the Royal Planet. Or moving ahead of his troops in the shadow depository and being ambushed by John."

Scorpius looks speculatively at the two reporters. "I believe that you were working on a piece about Captain Braca's actions at the Second Battle of Tithonis? When he left a convoy unguarded to chase after a decoy 'disabled' Scarren cruiser? Whatever happened to that expose?"

Tol looks surprised that Scorpius would know about their work. "Admiral Braca provided evidence that he made his tactical dispositions based on your intelligence summary."

Scorpius steeples his fingers and looks concerned. "Ah. I suppose Captain Braca could be forgiven then for the deaths of the people in that convoy. He left his assigned duty based on my failure to predict that a Scarren task force would attack as soon as he took the bait so enticingly laid out for him. Perhaps his excessive daring at Second Tithonis accounts for his later inertia at Carrac Cluster. And I'm sure that was my fault as well, for failing to provide enough intelligence on the Scarrens."

Tol decides to hurry on. "This brings us to the climactic event of Farscape, the death of Aeryn Sun at the hands of the Scorpius clone."

Scorpius looks shocked and then smiles. "Ah, yes, the unfortunate death of Officer Aeryn Sun. That was such a shock to all of the audiences. 'Poor Aeryn. She can't really be dead, can she.'"

Scorpius gives the two reporters a superior smile. "I can't remember a death that caused so much emotion since the death of Bambi's mother."

Varis looks confused. "You've seen "Bambi?"

Scorpius rolls his eyes. "Of course I've seen "Bambi." Scorpius gets a far away look in his eye. "Didn’t I lose my mother, too. And have to go out to live in a cold, unforgiving Universe?"

Tol tries to get the program back on track. "But, the death of Aeryn Sun..."

Scorpius breaks in. "There was no death of Aeryn Sun as everyone knows. Can you please display the hologram I brought?"

A hologram of Aeryn Sun in a very brief bikini is shown. Varis looks very carefully at the hologram with a faraway look in his eyes. Tol briefly compares herself to Aeryn. She then smiles at Varis and kicks him in the shins. Hard.

Scorpius continues. "This was taken at John's last birthday party on an island near John's home, called Jam May Ka. Aeryn is wearing a suit for swimming called a micro-bikini. As you can see, she suffered no ill affects from her so called death at my hands."

Scorpius appears to consider something. "If you can show the other part of the hologram?"

The hologram changes to show John Crichton standing near Aeryn.

Tol and Varis exchange glances. "Are you sure that's John Crichton?" Asks Tol. "I thought that humans aged so much faster than most other races."

Scorpius grins and motions off camera. "Please show the other hologram, along with this one, please.."

A second holograph appears beside the first.

Scorpius sighs a little too dramatically. "John always acts like nothing good except Aeryn Sun ever happened to him in the Uncharted Territories. But, look. The shot of John and Aeryn on the right was taken by a surveillance holo at the Gammack Base all those years ago. Compare that with the holo taken at John's date of birth celebration on Earth. Aeryn, of course, has hardly aged. But you'd expect a human to be elderly, even dead now, wouldn’t you?"

Tol and Varis nod and stare at the youthful John and Aeryn.

"Have you two ever heard of Namtar's Asteroid? It's now better known as Kornata's Asteroid, of course."

Both Tol and Varis shake their heads, wondering where Scorpius is going with this.

"Kornata is one of the galaxy's greatest geneticists. The crew of Moya, or I should say, Aeryn Sun, took John there many years ago to see about having his human genes upgraded. She felt that a lot of human weaknesses, such as poor vision and hearing, not to mention susceptibility to such diseases as cancer, could be corrected by some simple genetic correction. As it happened, the genetic scientists worked out a plan to add human genes to a Sebacean and eliminate Sebacean susceptibility to heat delirium. The heat that Aeryn is experiencing in the holo taken on Earth would so be lethal to an unmodified Sebacean."

Scorpius stops and looks speculatively at the reporters. "I had heard that any number of wealthy Sebaceans had taken advantage of this to have human genes added to themselves. Have either of you ever heard of that? Or done it yourselves?"

Tol smiles at Scorpius. "I'm sure Varis would never consider changing himself any more than I would."

Varis stares at Tol's chest and replies. "I'm not sure you could say that, Tol. You never know what some people might do."

"That may be true, but shall we get back to John Crichton?" Both reporters nod.

"The geneticists, on researching Aeryn and John's DNA found that while adding human DNA with Sebacean DNA would prevent heat delirium, the mixing of Sebacean genes in a human provides humans with the longevity of Sebaceans. Consequently John Crichton will live a long, long time. And if I may so, I hope he lives long enough to come to realize that my actions towards him and his friends were based on my duties as a Peacekeeper and not on some sort of sadistic vendetta."

Scorpius turns and looks straight into the camera. "John, if you see this, I want you to know that you and Aeryn were never my enemies."

Tol is the first to recover from this emotional moment. "Well, perhaps we can someday see John Crichton and Scorpius together in this studio discussing the galaxy changing events they witnessed."

Scorpius smiles benignly. "I sincerely hope so. In the meantime, do I have an invitation to review Farscape: The Peacekeepers Strike Back when it opens?"

Both reporters laugh. "Certainly. You have our word on it."

As Scorpius floats off on his hover chair, Varis can be heard, "Next, is a special report. The Nabari: Threat or Menace? You Decide."

Scorpius smoothly drives off to a small room where his nurse waits for him.

"Sir. You were on far too long. You need your cooling rods replaces right now."

Scorpius steps out of his chair and strides to his nurse and then past her. "Those two idiots! How can Sebacean society have sunk so low as to allow two morons such as they to have such power?"

The nurse follows Scorpius, trying to replace his cooling rods. "Sir! Sir! Please allow me to replace the cooling rods. You'll be damaged."

Scorpius turns on her. "Damaged? Another few microts with those two imbeciles and, my head probably would have exploded. To think that my cycles and cycles of work against the Scarrens caused that!" Scorpius gestures back towards where the two reporters are.

The nurse finally manages to get the used cooling rod out and has the new one ready when Scorpius suddenly walks away from her.

"I will not allow that sort of idiocy when I regain power. Mark my words, those two will be very high on my list of people to permanently replace." Scorpius's accent on the word "permanently" leaves the nurse in no doubt of what Scorpius means.

She finishes inserting the new cooling rod and watches as the cooling device revolves back into place. "But, sir, wasn't this exactly what you wanted as the first step in your plan?"

Scorpius stops and smiles evilly. "Yes. Admiral Braca's incompetence is once again being displayed and talked about. Even if I do have to thank a bunch of useless human entertainers. And shortly, those two reporters will receive some documents from a public-spirited anonymous source. Documents detailing Braca's malfeasance on the Royal Planet that the Admiral thought were long since destroyed. When that becomes public knowledge, we can send them some documents concerning the financial arrangements Braca made with Dominar Rygel that allowed the Admiral to buy support in the Council. Oh my, Braca will be in deep dren, won't he?"

The nurse smiles at the brilliance and subtlety of her commander. "And with Braca no longer poisoning the Council against you, you'll be able to regain the power they so foolishly deprived you of."

Scorpius stares into space for long microts. Suddenly he stares appraisingly at his nurse. She is a tall willowy, blonde Sebacean.

"My dear, you aren’t one of those Sebaceans who have had human DNA implanted in them, are you?"

The nurse is quite shocked. "Of course not, Sir. I am very proud of my Sebacean bloodlines. I could never do such a thing."

Scorpius holds up his hands to stop her. "I expected as much, my dear, but I was wondering how you'd look in a micro-bikini."

The nurse is quite confused. "Sir?"

"Just part of my plans."

"But, Sir. Now that you've started your plot to discredit Admiral Braca and resume your rightful place in the Peacekeepers, what will you do next?"

Scorpius smiles very broadly. "I'm going to Disneyland."