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Our Mrs. Reynolds
Written by Joss WhedonDirected by Vondie Curtis Hall
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The girl, Saffron tells Mal the Elder who hired them gave her to Mal as payment; Mal is a tad surprised to hear this. As is the rest of the crew when Zoe summons them all to the cargo deck. Sadly for Mal, they can't take Saffron back because of said Alliance ship; one of the bandits had friends in high places. They've got to keep going. Everyone (except Inara) is hugely amused by the situation, especially after Book confirms that the flowers, wine and dance are part of the marriage ceremony on that planet. Mal responds predictably to the news and the teasing, until his 'bride' runs out of the cargo bay in tears. Mal tracks her down, and promises to set her down on the next planet and find her a job in a factory or on a ranch. She'd rather stay his wife, and seems bent on proving it; Book tells Mal divorce is rare among her people, and that if he takes advantage of her, he'll burn in a special level of hell. Mal swears he won't, then gets conned into letting her cook for him, for which he gets duly teased by Wash and Zoe. Evidently, Saffron takes this wife thing very seriously -- she suggests that Zoe cook for Wash, won't let Wash take any dishes off the table, and offers to wash Mal's feet. Mal retreats fast to hide out in Inara's shuttle; they have the predictable fight and he bails back out. To find Jayne waiting outside with a very big gun. Which he cocks.
Jayne loves his gun, it's his most favorite thing, and he offers to trade it to Mal for Saffron. Mal somehow resists taking Jayne up on his generous offer, and tells him "no" in no uncertain terms; Saffron overhears and tells him she wants to work on a ranch if he won't have her. Mal approves, since he grew up on a ranch, and is surprised to find himself telling Saffron about it. As they talk, two pirates on a big space station scan their sensors, and mark Serenity as a potential catch -- they prime their "nets." Meanwhile, Zoe is starting to get suspicious and not a little upset about Saffron's presence, and she takes it out on Wash. And, as Mal descend into his quarters that night... Well, I'll give you three guesses who's in his bed and naked. Saffron does a damn fine job of using a Biblical argument in favor of getting to know Mal in the Biblical sense; Mal does an equally fine job of resisting but, being a guy confronted by a naked and persistent woman, he eventually gives in and kisses her. And promptly passes out cold on the floor. Saffron smiles smugly. "Night, sweetie."
Wash dozes alone on the bridge until Saffron comes to visit. She's back in 'innocent farm girl'; he doesn't go on alert until she closes the door. She starts putting the moves on him (again, quite smoothly, considering), but Wash is a man of willpower -- and a terrifying wife; he starts to get the hell off the bridge before she can kiss him, so Saffron knocks him over the head instead. She proceeds to start hotwiring Serenity's controls, and she knows her way around wiring. When she leaves, the bridge is dark, and she seals the door behind her by welding it. She then heads for a shuttle, only to run into Inara coming out of it. She regroups fast and slaps the farm girl persona back in place long enough to try the seduction routine on Inara. But one recognizes another; as the first alarms blare, Saffron informs Inara she's Malcolm Reynolds' widow. Inara instinctively starts to swing at her, but Saffron's faster; she knocks Inara down and steals the shuttle, getting the hell away from Serenity. Inara lets her go, racing down to check on Mal. She finds Wash and Zoe on the way, Wash recovering from the attack, and leaves them to go into Mal's quarters. Finding him alive, she kisses him in relief, then yells for Simon... then starts feeling woozy. She has just enough time to curse mal before she passes out. Ma comes back around to find the entire crew gathered around; Simon tells him Saffron drugged him with a narcotic called the Good Night Kiss, delivered via liplock. Inara maintains that she fell and hit her head; Wash and Zoe tell him their controls are frozen and locked, they don't know where they're heading, and it's going to take some time to fix it. As they set to work, Inara tells them that Saffron is an Academy-trained companion, one who knows all the moves. Wash kicks everyone out, but it's too late -- the pirates have seen them coming and are ready. And, as Wash and Kaylee get the sensors working, they locate the pirates, too.
Book and Mal recognize the cool, big, metal glowy thing the pirates are using -- it's a net, used to trap ships and kill their crews; they're not interested in survivors. Book knows way too much about them, which makes everyone look at him sideways, but avoiding the net is the priority. Leaving Kaylee to get navigation back, Mal rounds up Zoe, Jayne and Vera to deal with the net. Keeping Vera in a pressure suit to give her oxygen in the vacuum of the open cargo bay, Mal and Simon give Jayne a target -- shooting one of the breaker around the des should short out the net. It's a tense approach, but Jayne shoots clean; the net shorts out and Serenity sails by free. Shortly after, Kaylee gets the control back, and Mal sends them out to "go visiting." They follow the range of the shuttle, and Mal breaks down the door of the cabin where Saffron is hiding. She fights him and loses, but Mal doesn't get any of his answers about why, except that she apparently enjoys her work.
Back on Serenity, Mal pays another visit to Inara, curious as to how she managed to trip and fall hard enough to knock herself out in his quarters. As they invade each others' personal space, Inara admits she didn't fall, and Mal grins. "I knew you let her kiss you." He wanders back out as Inara contemplates other forms of drugs and murder.