"Well, I'm not the one with high-heel puncture marks on my tongue!" -- Schanke
"Surely you are old enough by now to understand the difference between 'not guilty' and 'innocent.'" -- Janette
"First defense against evil - open your damn eyes." -- Cpt. Reese
"In all the centuries I've had to think of you and what you might be doing, I never imagined you would rise to the lofty position of innkeeper." -- Divia to LaCroix
"I don't recall any of my staff reporting discovering a decapitated corpse in the beer fridge." -- LaCroix
"Clearly I have a future as a sobering influence on the disenfranchised." -- Lacroix
"So we just write it off, huh? Shrug, and put it down to ghosts or aliens or
something? Come on, Nick. The truth is out there."
"But maybe not in our jurisdiction." -- Cpt. Reese and Nick
"I hope this wave of altruism passes quickly...it is rather distressing." -- Lacroix.
"You know, you should keep that hypno thing in your holster."
"Sorry. It gets away from me sometimes." -- Tracy and Vachon
"Here to give me last rites?"
"Were you expecting a priest?" -- Vachon and Nick
"I need a favor, Nat."
"I don't know, Nick, favors for you usually involve more than 'Can I borrow your car?'"
"I'll need that too." -- Nick and Nat
"Look, I can't take this one [Screed] to the hospital. At the emergency room what am I going to tell them? He's uh, allergic to penicillin, garlic, sunlight, crosses and food. He's about 450 and he can fly." -- Vachon
"Look, I know you're a figment of my imagination, but you have to stop sneaking up on me!" -- Natalie
"Word to the wise - immortality is no excuse not to floss" -- Nick
"If the devil did make her do it, I'd like to see anyone try to prosecute him." -- Cpt. Reese, FK
"Dogs...are for breakfast." -- LaCroix
"Now that I've expressly told you I don't need your help...I need your help." -- Tracy
"If there is a god, must it be sane?" - LaCroix
"Since I can't list death as the cause of death - well, you see my predicament." -- Nat
"I'm curious what happens when we die, but I don't go on reconnaissance missions to find out!" -- Schanke
"Speaking of shrinkage. . . what were you thinking of?!" -- Schanke
"You know I really have to stop getting shot. Someday someone's going to
notice."
"Maybe you should try ducking sometime."
"I'll try that next time." - Nick and Nat
"You know, Nicholas, you really *are* one umbrella short of a cocktail sometimes." -- Cpt. Lambert
"They train you to be tasteless?"
"No, that's genetic. They train me to be persistent." -- the blond of the week and Schanke.
"You cling to your paganism like lichen to a stone." -- GWD's favorite line
"Immortals cannot cling like lichen to a stone." -- LaCroix in an entirely different episode.
"We either change and grow, or we wither and die inside. And wouldn't that be eternal hell?" -- LaCroix
"What happens to a person when they leave the love of their lives looking for cheap, quick thrills?"
"In my case, usually homicide." -- Schanke and Janette
"They all dance as if Father Time were shooting bullets at their feet...which, I suppose, he is." -- another cheerful thought from Janette.
"Even eternal life is too long to wait for a table." -- Lacroix
"He...is a wolf. They...are poodles." -- Janette
"Dreams are portable - I carry mine with me." -- Nick Knight
"Don`t mock me!"
"Somebody has to." -- Nick Knight and Janette
"What are you doing here?"
"Oh, the usual, making your life a living hell." -- Nick and LaCroix
"I am *not* honey!" -- Janette
"This whole experiment goes down the tubes if I spontaneously combust in the middle of Bay Street, doesn't it?" -- Nick Knight
"I taught Nero to tune, and together we watched Rome burn." --Lacroix
"Will somebody shoot me? Please?" -- Nick Knight
"What time is it? What day is it? What century is it?" -- also Nick
"Is the irritation gone?"
"If by irritation you mean the feeling that a thousand scorpions had stung me all at once, yes, thank you very much, the irritation has stopped." -- Natalie and (you guessed it!) Nick
"Did you just think to yourself, 'Oh, today would be a good day to spontaneously combust?'" -- Natalie Lambert
"You are deranged."
"Yes, I know." -- Nick and LaCroix
"You've heard it said that living well is the best revenge... Au contraire, living *forever* is the *best* revenge." -- LaCroix, of course
"La meilleure revanche, c'est la revanche." -- Janette (fooled ya!)
"That will be trouble." -- LaCroix
"They are expendable. They are lunch." -- LaCroix
"I don't care if you're Mother Theresa on a pizza run!" -- bus driver in FK
"You look like something from the back of the refrigerator." -- Natalie
"Myra doesn't say. She *does.*" -- Don Schanke
"Myra is a saint." -- Nick Knight
"We can get a new one."
"I don't want a new one. I like *that* one." -- Janette and LaCroix
"Blink and they'll all be ghosts. Blink and they'll all be gone." -- Lacroix
FK Fandom
"There was just something... hypnotic (if you'll pardon the use of the phrase < g >) about the whole show. It wasn't style over substance, but somehow the style became the substance, in a not-insulting way. It was like a very vivid dream, the kind you have when you've got 102 temperature and are way doped up on Nyquil, where nothing needs to make sense and all the colors are darker and richer, the stakes are higher, and every choice could be the last." -- Lizbet
"Nick has had a permanent reservation in the vampire doghouse for some time. But most of us love him anyway. Not all, but most." -- Valerie
"Nick's the first vampire I know of that should have been prescribed Prozac when it was first released. Nat really missed the boat on that one. She'd have had Mr. Happy, Well-Adjusted Vampire to deal with, rather than Mr. Broody. He'd still have been a vampire, but such a PERKY little vampire he'd have been!" -- Jill
"And while God has lived a long time, Hell is passe these days." -- LaCroix [Cath Boone]
"I have a dog."
"Janette, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my 2000th birthday party to plan, my monologue to arrange, my son to torment, and his beloved to blame for it. I'm swamped!" -- LaCroix [Erik]
"The image of a room full of vampires stoned out of their minds on curare like happy pussycats is now floating mercilessly inside my head. I can just see
LaCroix clawing the hell out of a carpet-covered log. Thank you *so* much for that imagery." -- Jamie Randall
"David Xanatos receives a mysterious stranger who claims to be an ancient Roman emperor and offers him the immortality he craves, but for a price. Meanwhile, Elisa is stuck sharing the night shift with an observer from Toronto Metro PD who keeps dashing into goth bars and swears he's just not a donut and coffee kind of guy, thanks anyway." -- LJC's Gargoyles crossover
"Last week at work I was finishing up a transaction when my customer handed me his credit card. The last four digits of his card were 1228. A completely unbidden image came of GWD walking out of the mist, stoping short of the camera and saying 'Do you know me?' al la American Express. My customer was looking at me kinda funny and I realized I was grinning like an idiot. First National Bank of the Knight?" -- Suz, FORKNI-L
"Tracy finds out about Nick when Nat asks her to help cure him, 'But I don't know nuthin' 'bout curin' vamps, Miss Natalie.' Nat, of course, would slap Tracy." -- If Margaret Mitchell wrote FK, Bonnie
"I'm just a little appalled at the sheer numbers of resurrections we're getting
this war."
"Blink and they'll be ghosts. Blink and they'll be gone. Blink again and people will start calling you Vachon." -- LaCroix [Lizbeth Lewis]
"Vampire detective Nicholas Knight is assigned as Elisa's new partner. Hanging around someone who flies, comes out only at night, has glowing eyes, and is constantly immersed in flashbacks turns out to be right up Elisa's alley, and the partnership thrives -- until Broadway inadvertently kills Knight with a garlic pizza." -- Another Gargoyles crossover
"If Chris Carter wrote FK, the truth WOULD be in Nick's jurisdiction-- but the Smoking Man would make sure the evidence all disappeared so that no one would believe it. (And the Smoking Man just might, literally, *smoke* if left out in the sunlight.)" - Valery King
"Hey, I'll take my chances with Lacroix any day! At least I know where I
stand!"
"You know, there are some mental images a person just doesn't need and Uncle in a thong just happens to be one of them." -- Christy, FORKNI-L
"If FK was written by Robert Heinlein, we would get technical explanations of the whys and wherefores of vampirism, and there would be amazing continuity -- Nick and Nat would be 'getting some', not only with each other but with most of the other characters in the book -- at least one major character would be a flaming redhead -- and the events of FK series canon AND of the FKFIC-L wars would be occurring simultaneously, and in the same book." -- Jamie, FORKNI-L, of course.
"(Please insert large number of vernacular vulgarisms forbidden to this family list)" -- Inanna, FORKNI-L
"If Shakespeare wrote FK: Through a trick of fairy dust ("just a sprinkle"),
skilled tailors, or extreme inebrity, Nick would mistake Nat for Janette, Janette mistake LC for Nick, Vachon mistake Cohen for Tracy, Schanke mistake Screed for Myra in hip-waders... and they'd romp." -- Cousins Erica and Bianca, FORKNI-L
"There are gates and paths and threshholds throughout life
"If James Burke wrote FK, we'd find out through torturous and fascinating paths of logic how vampirism led to the invention of the atomic bomb. Or maybe tofu." -- Valery King
"Truth? What truth?"
"I can talk to the kangaroo. I know his case. I've arrested him before."
"If Spider Robinson wrote FK: Every scene would take place at the Raven. Everyone would call Miklos "Mike" (this would work--lord knows Miklos never mixed up the orders...), none of the mortals would ever get hangovers because the vamps would filter the alcohol out of their bloodstreams for them, the Nightcrawler's monologues would become Tall Tales, "Doc" Lambert would find herself labelled the world's best/worst punster, and Nick would realize that if he just talked about his angst enough, everything would be okay!
"Maybe we can have a group primal scream before the show." -- Linda Simon,
Natpacker
"'What is this?' he asked. Actually Nick's anger and jealousy made him vamp out and with his fangs in, it sounded more like he said, 'Wha ith thith?' but Nat had learned to decipher fangism and understood him without resorting to a major case of the giggles." -- Debra Ann Fiorini
"Fair? Vampire, Tracy, vampire. Not umpire. You gotta get it straight some
day." -- Vachon [Apache]
"Did you learn anything while you were dying on me?"
"He loves you, he's obsessed with you and yet he's never romantic with you.
Rather blows the mind. I'm more romantic handing you your mail than Nicolas is on an entire date." -- Lacroix to Natalie
"This man has the intrinsic kinetic energy of a ferret on a double espresso." --
Susan Garrett on Ger
"I fang you
"We are not numbers. We are not pleased. And we are not going away." -- Valerie Meachum, FORKNI-L
"...Good night, sleep tight...and remember I won't let *anything* bite." -- a
major Nick and Nat WAFF from Val Meachum
"Everybody pities Nick, especially Nick." -- Vachon [AC Chapin]
"Natalie Lambert, Hostess of the Undead." -- by Apache
"LaCroix as a garden gnome. What a concept." -- ??? at CCC
"You know you've been in FK fandom too long when you see 'Pardon me, I've got someone to kill' on a list of country-western titles and think it sounds like a line from the show." -- Lisa McDavid, FORKNI-L
"You want to do what? Nicholas, Nicholas, just how often *did* you forget to pad your helmet when you were still mortal?" -- Lisa McDavid
"Tracy is an airhead."
"'Let's see... carrying me off with you, where angels fear to tread, all in the
name of a darn good time...' A dog and his girl walked off into the moonrise.
'...I guess I should call you Perri...'" -- Cath, War5
"Now we know how to vampire-proof a computer! Set up all the programs to be represented by religious icons!" -- Jamie, on a roll
"We ought to get a life, but this one is TOOO much fun to give up!" -- Tammy Pond, FORKNI-L
"Gerwolf!"
"I have no life, but I speak a lot of languages in it" -- Apache
"One programming person told me that everyone there is fully aware of the
organized fan effort. They seemed particularly amazed at the candygrams." -- Ed Flixman, Sc-Fi Entertainment on the SOS-FK campaign
"When do I ever leave? AOL owns my firstborn child."
"Traitor!!! Fanatic!!! Suggestible idiot!!!! :) Well, hell. Can I have your
Merc pin?"
"Please leave your severance fees, sword, .357 Magnum and fake FBI badge at the door, and pick up your white coat and stethescope (sp) at Nat's lab." -- two
mercs, on hearing of Maureen's conversion to the NatPack.
"Gerus Interruptus." -- Susan, on the cancelled AOL chat with Ger Wyn Davies
"Besides which, the decision isn't mine because my life is not my own. I have been told a number of time that I 'belong' to the list. I wonder how that will affect my tax filing?"
"You are eating spam and doing horrid things in the hopes that the TV gods will favor your TV show?"
"And
"I don't care how hopeless anyone says it is. If James Parriott or The Almighty Power Itself wants me to stop writing letters, they will have to PRY THE KEYBOARD OUT OF MY COLD, DEAD HANDS." -- Jamie Randell
"There is only one way I know of to go out of this world, and it is not quietly."
-- Virginia Eveland
"I hope you'll pardon us if we continue to crusade." -- Jaye the Listowner
"What? Vampires you accept. Ghosts you don't believe in?" - Cindy Brewer
"Creatures of the Night do NOT go BOWLING!" -- Knight Shade
"Hey...we were organized! We just..(to coin a sig.) forgot where we put it all.
"By his third century, Nick had learned never to discuss three things with
Janette; her age, an opinion on whether or not a new hairstyle suited her, and
anything to do with fashion other than a compliment, including whether something made her look heavy or thin and what other women were wearing. He'd long ago determined that decision to be part of the reason he'd managed to survive the additional five hundred years and wasn't going to blow it now." -- Susan Garrett, FKFIC
"Next war, assuming we have another war and assuming I'm not living out of a cardboard box when and if we do, is going to be damned interesting. I must have run down a cart full of nuns in a past life." - LJC
"--No one sucks like Vachon--"...
"You know you've brought your Mac across when...the .login fortune sends you: 'Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.'" -- Cousin Margaret
"If there was a God, then obviously He had a sense of humor. If not, then Fate was a far stranger thing than he had imagined." - Nick [Jamie Randell]
"'Well, he's dead,' she concluded. Nick looked at the large butcher knife
sticking out of the guy's chest and agreed that this was probably a valid
diagnosis." -- Maddog and Rastro
"Look in the supply cabinet. It's a virtual closet; everything you need is in
there. EXCEPT FOR CUTE VAMPIRES!" - Jamie Randall, ISOLC
"I worked late on my birthday and nobody brought ME a cute vampire!" -- unknown smart-aleck on forkni-l
"This is my brick. This is my brick on drugs. Any questions?" -- Sharon H.
"Unless this whole "I'm a vampire who wants to become mortal again" thing is some sort of pickup line...." -- Sarah Welsh
"Unlife is unfair: Knight has one good hair day in 800 years, and gets stuck with a Truly Awful Wardrobe day instead." -- Pam Rush, Forkni-l
"LaCroix covered his eyes. 'That was the waitress, Nicholas. Not dessert.' 'Oh.' Nick had the good grace to look embarrassed. 'Well, at least we don't worry about the tip.' " -- Leah, forkni-l
"I'll get it! I'll get it! Where is it?!" -- random person, random con
"You hold out your hand, they hear the sound of one hand clapping and they die." -- How to Kill a Zen Vampire [David Thun]
"Let me _guess_...they're going to hide her in the *loft*."
"As always, once she'd done what she'd had to, Janette never looked back." --
Lisa Wolters
"The sun's up - aren't you people suppose to combust or something?" -- someone's roommate at the end of an FK party.
"There's a little bit of FOD in all of us.""LaCroix would agree with that."
"Have you tried Susan Garrett? Everyone else has." -- telephone operator at
Toronto Trek
"Rude, rude, rude - off in another flashback" -- Catherine Disher to GWD
"Coffee? Tea? Flashback?" -- CD to GWD again, during filming.
"Do we have to do this shot?" -- Geraint Wyn Davis
"Nick, is there anything else affecting my continued existence that you might want to mention to me?" -- Valerie Meachum as Natalie
"You put them on your head, Nigel!" -- LJC to Nigel Bennett, refering to the black silk panties and a lot of beer at Toronto Trek.
"He's undead, Jim."
Comments and contributions to perri@neon-hummingbird.com.
"Well, I guess you could always send him out for the morning paperboy." -- Nick and LaCroix [yet another smart-alek on forkni-l]
"I'm just a little appalled that there were so many dead to begin with!" -- Perri
and Bonnie, FORKNI-L
"In the larder. But if you're comfortable with that..." -- Cousin Tippi and
Robin
And some, open-souled, can understand and *see*.
In the company of visioned legions I
Therefore embrace a broader definition of reality. . .
FOREVER *means* forever....and is far more than TV!!" -- 'Reality Is?', Carla
Pickering
"The fact you are dating a bloodsucking creature of the night."
"How dare you accuse me of dating a lawyer! I don't even know any lawyers!" -- Nat and Tracy [Debra Ann Fiorini]
"What for?"
"Drunk and disorderly."
"You or the kangaroo?"
"(a beat) Both." -- Reese and Nick, Last Night spoof
"I learned I have to live with the choice I made 800 years ago. And that I have a drinking problem." -- Nick and Nat, FK blooper
You fang me
We're a Vamp'ric Family
With a kiss and a hug and some blood from me to you
Won't you say you love me too?" -- the most annoying filk ever written, by Ruth Dempsey
"So is Vachon."
"He's not an airhead, he's a deadhead."
"No, he's an *un*dead head." -- Alicia C. and Amy D.
"Where wolf? There wolf. Ger not wolf. Ger vamp." -- Perri and Valerie
Meachum
"Didn't know you had children Jami :)"
"I don't. But when I have one, AOL will own it." -- Cousin Jamie and SFKSLane
"Wholly owned persons may be treated similarly to wholly owned subsidiaries, such that they must file, report, and pay separate tax information and liabilities... those persons typically need not file independent returns but are in fact deductions for the principal filer and claimant. In this case, it appears the list would be that filer, such that listowners Jaye and Laurie can deduct you as a dependent." -- Susan G and Apache, Forkni-l. Don't *even* ask.
"Yeah."
"Weird." -- the father of an FK crusader and said crusader.
"Clark Kent is Superman?"
"Yeah. But you didn't hear it from me."
"Okay." -- Nat and Nick, written by Susan Garrett
--Scorns big bucks like Vachon--"...
--And between the sheets, nobody f--"
"Tara, it's a PG list, for Chrissake!" -- LJC and Susan Garrett
"You'd think the word would be out by now: if someone disappears on you, check Nick's loft." -- random people, random FK party
"Sleep is for con wimps. Happy, healthy, well rested wimps, but wimps
nonetheless."
"We are not obsessive compulsive; we can stop anytime we want as soon as we fall dead asleep." -- all three from random people at a random con
"I'm not dead, I'm metabolically challenged."
"It doesn't have to make sense, it's policy."
"My race was assimilated by the Borg and all I got was this lousy button." -- con buttons for Nick! (Don't blame me, I didn't write this!)