THE UNCANNY X-MEN

"Sit it out, boy, I have no interest in reading your mind. I might get lost in all that empty space." -- Diogenes Chang (X-Men: Phoenix 1)

"On de count of three?"
"Why wait? Let's go on two." -- Gambit and Bishop

"I'd like to stay *longer* in this realm. Asgard suits my warrior nature better than twentieth century Earth."
"Oh, don't give me *that* 'Star. Think your warrior nature could survive somewhere you can't get pizza delivered?" -- Shatterstar and Rictor, C/XF '97

"If there is anyone present who can think of a reason why we should not have our heads examined for trusting Spiral, may you speak now or forever hold your peace. Then by the power vested in me as Excalibur's team leader, I pronounce this mission a 'Go'!"
"*sniff* I always cry at weddings." -- Kurt and Kitty, Excalibur #109

"When all is said and done, your dream, Magneto, cannot endure, because it will be forever tainted by the blood of those you've sacrificed along the way!" -- Xavier, X-Men 3

"Love makes you want to stab people? That isn't love. That's brain damage. Though I do understand your confusion between the two, some days..." -- Kurt, Excalibur 100

"Dear oh dear, a real-life ray gun. These people are very sad." -- Pete Wisdom

"Okay, so now we're going to die. Does your plan have a second part or should I just give you a kiss now?" -- Pete Wisdom, Pryde and Wisdom #1

"You made me throw my cigarette away. You must be punished." -- Pete

"I mean, I'm omnipotent and everything, but it's still got me mildly confused." -- Bob, Pryde and Wisdom #1

"I've taken *naps* scarier than this yutz!" -- Jubilee on Emplate

"You're a bad influence on me, Wisdom. If anybody asks, then you made me do it." -- Kitty

"If I'd had a normal life, I'd quite cheerfully go mad and fall over right now. But as I've lead an utterly ridiculous life, I'd have to say that we're apparently surrounded by alternate timeline versions of ourselves." -- Nightcrawler, Excaliber #103

"I refuse to cope with weirdness in my nightshirt. Get the colors on, *then* start coping." -- Kitty Pryde

"To me, my X-Men! I sense danger! Make it so! Somebody get me a drink!" -- Pete Wisdom in a bald cap, Excalibur #94

"I mean, look at Cable. Look at that bloody *gun*. It's bigger'n *he* is. What does that say to people?" -- Pete Wisdom, Excalibur 102

"Kitty, are you nearly done? I think you're just playing with them now."
"Give me a minute. This one's still got his eyes open." -- Pete and Kitty

"What are you doing with that gun?"
"Hitting people with it. Look, I never claimed to be a role model, all right?" -- Kitty and Pete

"So Mister Wisdom lent ye some clothes?"
"Yes. Mister Wisdom claims to have fifteen sets of clothes that are all exactly the same. He also offered to teach me to smoke, drink, and say disgusting things."
"Mister Wisdom certanly is a very.....generous man." -- Rahne and Douglocke, Excalibur #101

"*This* must be Plan B then."
"What, 'if the bomb doesn't go off, jump out of hiding and shoot them'? Did they think that up on their own?" -- Pete and Kitty

"I can't believe this, I actually have a crush on a hologram. I don't know whether to talk to a psychologist or an electrician." -- Kyle Gibney

"I *know* he's behind me. What, you thought I was going to let myself get hit?"
"Fair enough. I'll just stop and watch if that's all right with you."
"Sure. These guys aren't much of a workout, but it'll do. I suspect though, that you just like watching me get sweaty. Which is fine, but a bit of applause and general worship couldn't hurt, too." -- Kitty and Pete

"Well, we wouldn't want to argue with two gunmen and three unarmed men.. would we?"
"*God*, no. Try not to kill any of 'em, Kitty." -- Pete and Kitty

"Oh, for God's sake, will you bunch of whining toerags please snap out of it?"
"That's *Charles Xavier* she's talking about...."
"Okay, so the bomb's dropped. Life goes on. No amount of sulking or worrying changes that. We've got our own lives to lead." -- Pete and Kitty, Excalibur 102

"Everybody breathing? Good. Backup's here." -- Captain America, Onslaught:MU

"For all I know, it was a present from another of your weird friends."
"My weird friends? Look who's bleedin' talking...." -- Kitty and Pete, Pryde and Wisdom #1

"Mama Espinosa didn't didn't bring up a single one of her kids to ever back down from a bully."
"Your mother sounds like a very smart woman."
"That or she raised some very stupid kids." -- Skin and Grande Dame, Gen X

"Your salad--"
"Attacked me!"
"Attacked you.... It looks fine to me -- for a salad." -- Mondo and Emma, Gen X #20

"Well, that was mature. So here I am, Cyclops -- so-called leader of the X-Men -- and how do I use my optic blasts? As a snooze button." -- Cyke, Uncanny 337

"I realize that the world's at stake. Don't confuse me with details!" -- Captain America

"From now on, we walk everywhere. I mean it. Two murder attempts before lunch...."
"Can we get a taxi?"
"We walk."
"Can *I* get a taxi?"
"Only if I can go shopping."
"We walk." -- Kitty and Pete, Pryde and Wisdom #1

"Sir! May I suggest you divest yourself of this vehicle immediately!"
"Whut yew say?"
"Never mind. Walk this way. Of course, if you could walk *this* way, you'd be feared and hunted and probably killed." -- Beast and a bystander, X-Men / Brood #1

"You can't have something this powerful just lying around. Next thing you know, some schmuck like Marko picks it up and then you're stuck with another unstoppable engine of destruction -- frightening farm animals, stopping traffic and generally wreaking havoc!" -- Gomurr the Ancient, Unlimited #12

"Weird is relative. You're talking to someone who's been regarded as dinner by space aliens more often then you've had fresh air in your lungs." -- Kitty, Pryde and Wisdom #1

"All right... here goes nothing."
"Don't sound so positive. It isn't like you." -- Cable and Domino

"It'll be just like the old days. Except you're much uglier now, while I am more charming than ever." -- Gomurr. I like Gomurr. Gomurr is fun.

"I... don't know what makes me more nervous, M. The idea that we all suddenly trust the White Queen... or the idea that you and I agree on something." -- Jubilee, Gen X 19

"Okay, Vinnie -- Ah have the perfect plan. Ah will change into the head of Quietus and you will become a gaseous, insufferable windbag."
"Okay. What does Rush Limbaugh look like in this continuum?" -- Husk and Vinnie, Marvel Riot #1

"I appreciate a spontaneous rescue as much as the next blue-furred mutant -- which I suppose would be Nightcrawler -- but wouldn't it have been prudent to check Sabretooth at the door?" -- Beast, X-Men #7

"Don't bleed so loud, you're giving me a headache." -- Captain Britain, Excalibur 100

"I'm actually becoming a team player. Somebody shoot me..." -- Pete Wisdom, Excalibur 99

"I believe you people have something that belongs to us?"
"Short li'l fella."
"All adamantium and attitude. He's one of a kind. We'd like him back."
"Not to mention our resident psionic Japanese-by-way-of-Britain ninja. You can imagine how hard *they* are to replace." -- Cyclops, Gambit, Jubilee and Beast, X-Men #7

"The Wolverine *don't* believe in leprechauns."
"Suit yerself. Maybe leprechauns don't believe in talkin' wolverines, either." -- Wolvie and Padraic the Leprechaun, UXM #104

"Wha--?!?"
"The exact wording you're looking for is 'Thank you, Dr. McCoy, let me show my appreciation by blinding Sabretooth with everything I have.'"
"Everything cubed, dude!" -- Jubilee and Beast, X-Men #7

"I want property damage from you, Pete, and lots of it. Make a mess, get them running around in a panic. Oh, and try not to get shot."
"Oh, cheers...." -- Nightcrawler and Pete Wisdom, Excalibur #98

"Soldiers running past it, towards the tin Russian...hm. Maybe I should let them shoot him a bit first. Naaah. Kitty'd have me guts for garters I was caught watching her ex getting shot. I was tempted, though, don't think I wasn't..." -- Pete Wisdom, Excalibur #98

"Remember your meditation: 'We are the Sisters of the Howling Commandments -- we are the best there is at what we do!'" -- Sister Nick, X-Nation #4

"Where's he going?"
"To discuss strategy with the marketing department?"
"For a long walk off a short cliff?"
"I'm going off to agonize interminably, okay?!" -- Magneto and the Not-So-Astonishing X-Men, Marvel Riot #1

"'Never turn your back on an opponent, bub'"
"I doubt they're familiar with Logan's Commandments of Combat, Rose." -- Sisters Rose and Nick, X-Nation #4

"And finally, those of you with red in your costumes will follow attack plan D, schedule C -- or is it plan C, schedule D...? Uh, any questions?"
"'I'm wearing red underwear, do I use plan D?' 'Hey, I just got here.. are we the X's or the circles?' I don't know, Colossus, I thought it was shirts and skins!'"
"Just beat up the ^&&*%$%# bad guys, all right!!!!" -- Magneto and the Not-So-Astonishing X-Men, Marvel Riot #1

"If I come back from the dead one more time, I'll be in serious danger of turning into a walking cliche." -- Jean Grey, UXM 284

"Now lay down and be nice while I try to work out *exactly* what's happening here, will you?" -- Cable, while slugging a Gene National

"They may spell the end of everything we have ever known."
"On that gloomy note, may Ah suggest we vamoose out o' this hole and get where the sun is shinin'?" -- Cyclops and Cannonball, Wolverine #101

"What do you call a train with three mutants aboard?"
"Scrap metal." -- from X-Men #52

"Your son has just shouted in my brains."
"Why is he only *my* son when he's done something bad?" -- Jean and Scott

"More coffee, Cable? Should we set up a dripfeed for you?" -- Scott Summers

"This is getting to be a habit. I've lost track, chere, who rescues whom next?" --Gambit, UXM 266

"The X-Force bunch? They're good people, sir, just some rough edges."
"Two of your good people stole twenty years worth of data from my computers earlier." -- Cannonball and Xavier, X-Force #19

"Out here on the pavement, it's a lot simpler. You fall down? You get up and start over." -- Jubilation Lee, UXM #297

"Whatjou doin'?"
"Thinkin'."
"Well, that's never a good sign, is it?" -- Jubilee and Wolverine, X-Men #21

"As she is technically not an X-man, Jubilee isn't covered by our major medical insurance. You hurt her. She sues us. We lose the mansion."
< SKRAK >
"Show-off! I was just about to do that!"
"I am certain. Fact is, I was just sitting over there thinking, 'What would Jubilee do in my place?'" -- Beast and Jubilee, X-Men 9

Storm: "We are here to see a man about a rescue."
Xavier: "Pity. I was hoping for a pizza delivery."
Colossus: "Is Professor Xavier unwell, Storm? He is making a joke."
Jean Grey: "Contrary to popular belief, the man's only human. Complete with a sense of humor."
Archangel: "Such as it is."
Xavier: "Et tu, Archangel? Don't I get respect anymore from anyone?" -- X-Men 3

"Is it just me, or is there something about a cyborg in uniform?" -- Elasti-girl, X-Patrol

"You used to run ops for some no-name, no-visible budget, federal puzzle-palace directorate -- word was you went rogue." -- Dark Claw to Huntress a.k.a. Carol Danvers. *Boy* is this an in-joke!

"Look, you stuck me with Sparrow when I wanted to call myself Death Urge Overdrive--"
"Sparrow is a perfectly good name...." -- Sparrow and Dark Claw, both from Legends of Dark Claw

"I thought I joined the X-Men, not the Brady Bunch." -- Gambit, X-Men 4

"Dog bites man -- that's not a story. Man bites dog -- *that's* a story. and if the dog and man slug it out for six issues and then Wolverine shows up for a guest appearance, and the dog turns out to be a mutant; that's a *Marvel* story." -- purportedly from the Marvel Editorial Handbook

"I'm the best at what I do. And what I do best is guzzle b--um, commit mayhem!" -- Mean, Nightcrawler 3

"It's not supposed to happen like this. Aren't we obligated to whine and fret and come up with one reason after another why we shouldn't be together?"
"Of course. And I should reveal I'm your uncle's clone from an alternate reality, and you're supposed to die and come back to life a few dozen times." -- Psylocke and Archangel, UXM 319

"I realize you're having trouble holding onto your ever tenuous grip on humanity, but 'Grrrr' falls somewhat short of articulate." -- Beast

"Quit babblin', McCoy and duck!"
"I must object to the use of the word 'babbling'. OK, so *maybe* I was rambling...but babbling? I don't even know *how* to babble." -- Wolvie and Beast

"*I* don't babble. You're thinking of the Beast." -- Jubilee, all from X-Men 9

"The last time I let Wolverine walk me into such an establishment, I ran into Juggernaut!"
"And a loverly time was had by all."
"Easy for you to say. You did not have to fight him." -- Colossus and Wolverine, UXM 245

"'Run'? Really? That's how you get to be leader? By coming up with 'Run'? Cheeze Wiz. Ah coulda said 'Run'." -- Baby Rogue

"Relakth, gang -- ath leader, I'll panic for everyone!" -- Baby Cyclops

"Like, is that a cigarette? I am SOOOOOO impressed."
"I have a small list of people I try to impress, chica. And surprise, surprise, you ain't on it." -- Jubilee and Skin, Gen-X #1

"So yer the skirt that tamed the Cajun?"
"Housebroke, to be more acc'rate." -- Wolverine and Belladonna

"Coward! You are dodging around because you are afraid to face me!"
"Not at all. I dodge around to make you feel as stupid as you look." -- Shatterstar and Quicksilver

"You have no idea what it's like to have your entire life pulled out from under you!"
"Warren, please. You're talking to the woman who's been killed, cloned and kidnapped more times than *I* can remember. Let's keep it in perspective." -- Archangel and Jean Grey

"You're just some fleeting thought that got away from me. A bad dream conjured up by an underdone potato, like Marley's ghost."
"The Dickens, you say." -- Jamie and, well, Jamie, X-Factor 73

"Guido, go *with* her."
"Why me?"
"Because I *ordered* you to, 'cupcake'!"
"Okay. So long as there's a reason." -- Alex and Guido

"I *hate* this! I'm a trained mercenary! I know 64 ways to kill a guy with a spoon and I'm stuck guarding an electric generator."
"D'you mean you can kill a guy who *has* a spoon -- or that you can kill a guy with your own personal spoon?" -- two mercs in Prof. Xavier & the X-Men 5

"Must...reach...spoon." -- same merc, three pages later

"I say we rain on Magneto's parade so hard his helmet rusts."
"You heard the lady." -- Marvel Girl (:P) and Beast, same issue. I resisted the temptation to just transcribe the whole damn issue.

"X-Force! We are *leeeaaving*!" -- Cannonball, X-Factor 84

"Maybe we could turn to a life of crime or something."
"A mutant Bonny and Clyde? Who'd buy that?"
"Oh come one, the Dynamic Duo, Pryde and Wisdom. How's that? Like Starsky and Hutch, Butch and Sundance..."
"Ren and Stimpy." -- Pete Wisdom and Kitty Pryde, Excalibur #90

"Brian -- you drunkproofed the plane?" -- Kitty Pryde, Excalibur #91

"Logan will probably take to gnawing on a photo of you for a few days." -- Kurt, Excalibur #92

"I'm bored."
"Me, too."
"Let's go."
"We're gone." -- Cable, Bishop, Wolverine, X-Factor #86

"I've been an X-Man since I was fourteen, Pete. It's like wearing a big sign saying 'Please try and kill me, I like it.'" -- Kitty Pryde

"The truth is out there - and it's got bloody great teeth." -- Peter Wisdom

"And we open the door without all the publicity of "Oi'll shove tha' lock aht,' see?"
"Yes, Obi-Wan. And your accent's worse than Dick Van Dyke's." -- Shadowcat and Peter Wisdom

"I am the *goddess* of computing. You can worship me a bit later if you want." -- Kitty Pryde. All Excalibur #89

"'Jungle Man' no interest in political infrastructure. Me only want to free woman....and maybe make time for evening diction classes." -- Braddock of the Jungle, Excalibur 60

"Uh-uh, son...no trying to pick off Jungle Man in mid-fall. Even if it *is* the silliest code name I have heard in a long time." -- Captain America, Excalibur 60 (he has a sense of humor? Since when?)

"If Drake the Human Ice Cube can keep drippin', an' McCoy can keep sheddin', I can keep skatin'." - Jubilee, X-Men 29

"I got somethin' for you here...Les'see now...bills, bills...junk mail, junk mail...Hair Club for Men...that's for the Prof....National Geographic...naked pygmies...that's for Drake...Aha! Here you go, Tweety!" -- Jubilee on mail call, X-Men 29

"Galactus, I return with your Twinkies." -- Aunt May/Golden Oldie (MT-U 137)

"Hang on! I'll go find the cat and *he* can drag you in." -- Jubilee, GenX #11

"Sometimes I long for the days when your report cards could be used as blackmail." -- Xavier to the X-Men

"If you ever --"
"Ever--"
"Hurt Kitty--"
"I will, without hesitation, tear off your head."
"And I will spend days mocking it and drawing pictures on it before teleporting it into the North Sea!" - Kurt and Brian, being all cute and overprotective at Pete Wisdom

"Trebles and stark incomprehesion all 'round then, lads?" - Pete Wisdom

"Yon coffee machine is misbehaving again, Shipmaster."
"Well, just *hit* it or something."
"Yon coffee machine has spat on my uniform. I may *kill* yon coffee machine." -- Raza and Corsair

"I think I left my stomach in the year 2010." -- Domino

"What we got here, Bub, a new twist on the Divine Rights of Kings? You figure, since you live above the world, that puts you above its law as well?" -- Wolverine to Magneto

"If I had a nickel for every catatonic body down here....well, I'd have fifteen cents, but that's beside the point" - Beast

"My name is Blink. Who do you *think* is faster...halfscan?" -- Blink

"You have a plan?"
"Scary thought, no?" -- Lila and Gambit.

"All right, I'm not too proud to admit it. I'm officially confused." -- Jean Grey

"Why does everyone say my name like it means shut up?" - Jubilation Lee

"Yeah, it's Jaimie alright."
"You know this guy?"
"No, Einstein, my hobby is looking at random stiffs and saying 'It's Jaimie all right.'"
"Oh. Well, it beats collecting comics." - Havok and a random bystander

"I realize I'm supposed to have some witty comment prepared all ready to distract you while I tan your hide six ways from Sunday, but I'm still new to this. You won't mind if I skip ahead to the part where I kick your butt!?!" -- Husk

"We called 'no powers'!""DID NOT!""DID TOO!""It was IMPLIED!""He SCORED--he's on OUR team!""DO OVER! DO OVER!" -- random conversation in Uncanny X-Men 308

"With everyone assuming a fifty degree variant. I'll propel the projectile at a maximum rate of nineteen feet per square..."
"Forge, this is a huddle...not a physics class. What he's trying to say is 'Go Long'." -- Forge and Iceman, UXM 308

"So what's her power? 'Sides the ability t'stick her chest out?" -- Jubilee

"What's your plan, bugman?"
"Get a load of this, Feral, straight out of the Superhero's Strategy book -- everybody dogpile on the Juggernaut!" -- Feral and Spiderman

"There comes a time 'twixt life and death
When all men stop to catch their breath.
We ask the stars 'Why?', we question our lot,
The heavens open wide and reply, 'Why not?" -- Henry McCoy, X-Men #11

"If we nail X-Force, then we get... CABLE."
"Oh, good! Including HBO? And maybe the Disney Channel for Rahne..."
"Quiet. You're embarrassing me." -- Beast, Guido and Alex

"Why do I even talk to you?" -- Sunfire to Morph

"His gun's bigger than mine- I hate it when that happens! Especially when he's trying to ventilate my head with it!" -- Shadowrider on Cable

"When will you misguided X-men see the light? When will you understand what is going on?"
"Me? I'm still trying to figure out why they're trying to bring back bell-bottoms." -- Magneto and Beast, Pizza Hut give-away #3

"You're not a bwick wall!"
"There's some who might argue with that." -- Elsie Dee and Cable