"Look who I'm saving... you'd think I was Xavier." -- Wolverine
"Look who I'm saving... you'd think I was an X-Man." -- Magneto, about ten seconds later.
"What does Apocalypse have to do with this?"
"Oh, nothing, he's just screwing around with the entire space-time continuum." -- Bishop and the Axis Janitor
"With a mouth like yours, we shoulda just tried to sneak in here with a marching band."
"Ye think that's bad, ye should hear me sing." -- Wolverine and Banshee
"Can I please have a scorecard so I can tell the *good* extinct animals from the bad ones?" -- Jubilee
"If anyone's got a daring last minute rescue in mind, now would be the time!" -- Jubilee
"What is this, Catch the X-Men Day?" -- Rogue at catcher
"My daddy always told me, two's company and three's an eavesdropper." -- Rogue
"Our job is to find Lilandra and get out fast."
"Anybody know what she looks like?'
"She's from another planet. You see a woman you don't know, rescue her." -- Rogue, Jubilee, and Wolverine.
"So, you're going to marry that redhead that beat the pants off of the Imperial
guard."
"She's, uh, calmed down a bit since then." -- Corsair and Cyclops.
"Who died and made him Cyclops?" -- Jubilee
"Wolverine using his head and Beast going berserk? What's the world coming to?" -- Jubilee
"It can't be an X-Man, none of them are up this early." -- Cyclops
"I do admit, I was a bit apprehensive about this date, I didn't know the young man. But, I just thought that this would be a good step for Siku to take, and a good chance for me to get used to the idea that she won't always here."
"There is little in this world that is quite so disconcerting as to roll over in your bed in the middle of the night to find Nate looking at you like you broke his favorite gun. Nate has pestered me and pestered me and pestered me some more demanding me to write about how he found out about Jean and Remy. He even gave me the title. I told him to shut up and let me sleep. Then I made the mistake of mentioning this to Ali (you should all know Ali -- the Cable Diva extraordinaire) and she sent more Nates after me. They formed a chorus line and danced across my room, scaring my cat, thank you. Naturally, I had to write this because I need to sleep and my cat does not need this kind of stress in her life. Somehow, I don't think he's going to leave me alone even after I finish this one because one of the Nates has begun to tell me the secrets of that mission against Wisdom's X-Force that resulted in death, general unpleasantness and Jean going medieval on Pete's butt. (I like Wisdom but this is just what happened, I have no control over it.) Nate is a right bastard and Ali, please come collect the ones you sicced on me. I'm moving soon and don't have the room to keep them." -- Dande's disclaimer on "I Saw Mommy Kissing... Flonquing Remy LeBeau." I suspect overcaffienation, but can't prove it....
"Remy had often wondered if Scott realised that he'd be even more effective in combat if he lectured their enemies to death. If they could only get all the evil despots and arch nemeses into one room. Dress them in unsuitable attire for taking over the world, universe, multiverse, alternate realities, heaven, hells etc. and set Scott loose on them. They'd get rid of all evil in one fell swoop, and probably end up with a bunch of snivelling, bootlickin', new recruited Scott wannabes at the same time. Of course doing this to even your worst enemy would be barbaric but Remy was stalling for time to avoid getting back to the plot. Darn! Too late." -- Four Armadillos and a Jelly Mould [Thorne and Co.]
"Still, he understood it was now accepted practice to tell anything that upset you to Sally, so she could feed you and make it better. Angst had gone from simply being a popular pastime to being a cunning means of cookie-acquirement." -- Homely Touch, by Dyce
"Somehow, I knew that facing my wrath wasn't going to scare Logan. He had faced wrath before, and it had faced him. And he had growled at it, and it had run away squealing for mommy." -- Jubilation Lee [Troll Princess]
"Cable, you do like to keep these things to yourself, don't you?"
"Gumbo, did anyone ever tell you that you're a prince among men?"
"There was a long pause, in which several more members of the team drifted in, operating on the extremly sophisticated and devastatingly accurate team radar which indicated that while Things Were Afoot, they would still be afoot later, but the last box of Pop-Tarts would only go so far." -- 'Teabag Trauma', Dyce
"Logan shamelessly shed his macho image to gaze imploringly at Sally, and then at the frying pan. The frying pan that had Hank's FOOD in it. Hank forcibly reminded himself that his Hippocratic oath precluded beating a patient senseless so as to get at his unearned sausages." -- A Homely Touch, by Dyce
"Er... If anyone recognizes Sally, I'd appreciate it if they'd come and get her. She's not mine, and writing a Mary Sue belonging to somebody you don't know is rather disconcerting. " -- Dyce
"Sally had, before her accidental appropriation, been the driving culinary force behind a family-run bakery/coffee shop. The X-folk had adapted with suprising speed to the presence of regular meals and apparently unlimited baked goodies. The fact that Sally was also by nature and powers a sympath, who would listen to as many of your problems as you wanted to talk about, plying you with cookies all the while, was nice too. The angst-levels in the mansion had dropped dramatically, and a permanent scent of baking cookies had replaced the perpetual miasma of guilt and anguish. Mind you, if you didn't eat your greens, there was hell to pay." -- A Homely Touch, by Dyce
"I have a beeper."
"The only one he saw was Logan, and he wouldn't bat an eye if the devil himself appeared before him. He'd just ask him for a cigar, or try to gut him, depending upon his relative mood at the time." -- Lori McDonald
"In an attempt to restore peace, the professor had the large, walk-in closets that came with each room shortened and half given over to the new bathrooms. This sparked a whole new riot and the women had already drawn up the plans for the new expanded wings of the mansion, complete with suites for each room. All to be implemented the next time the house blew up. There was even a pool going for when. Beast was down for five p.m. next Tuesday by Apocalypse. His odds were considered good." -- Lori McDonald
"What all this meant, of course, was that there was one bathroom per wing with a shower. One for the men, one for the women. As a result, certain of the men had generously volunteered to save both water and time by showering with the women. This was usually met by the man being flung out of the bathroom bodily. How well the man handled this depended upon how disappointed he was, how many times it'd happened to him before, and whether or not the woman bothered to give him back his towel first. The sprint from the women's bathroom to the men's wing had been clocked at 6.28 seconds." -- Lori McDonald
"I'm not letting anyone who chose to call himself 'Magneto' tell me what my name is gonna be." -- Jessica, 'Kid Dynamo' [Connie Hirsch]
"IT MATTERS LITTLE, ABYSS. SHOULD YOU HESITATE TO RETURN, THE CONSEQUENCES WILL BE DIRE, INDEED."
"Oi just 'ope 'at it'll be enough t'....y'know."
"Paige: ::points to Jono:: And where'd ya get that guitar dumplin' Few minutes ago ya didn't have it.
"I'll try to be more assertive... if you think that will be okay with everybody?"
-- Cassie, Neon Hearts [Susan Crites]
"I suppose it's too late for legal action against Marvel."
"I thought he was supposed to be *warming* them up."
"I think having me and [Peter] David on the same show might overdose the Boston metro area with enough cynicism to kill off all human life." -- Dr. Moo, 'Chuck vs. Chuck'
"I'm coming. Somebody needs to be the calm one." -- Logan [Mark Kust]
"Madelyne was just a clone trapped in bad designer genes" -- from "88 Lines" [Kelly Newcombe]
"First Excalibur, then the youngsters--did you people send out a bulletin or
what?" -- Beast, from 'Neon Hearts'
"Oh cheer up.. I saw Kurt Cobain making a keg run a few hallways down...I give you permission to abuse him.." -- God to the Archangel, after saving Wolvie, Alternative X-Men #63
"Are there any questions?"
"Don't we see exploding fireballs often ENOUGH in our line of work? Plus when we did that before, we slagged the BBQ grill."
"'My name is Scott Summers,' Scott barked, and was immediately besieged by a frantic chipmunk." -- 'As the Fur Flys', Martha McMahon
"'I'm out of duct tape!' Mac chittered, his Borg-nullifier only half-way done."
-- also from 'As the Fur Flies'. Read it.
"Finally another guy two tables behind us broke the hanging silence. 'Um, I don't know how this affects your game,' he called to us uncertainly, 'but you just sank your eight ball over here.'" -- Marty Blase, 'Journal'
"Is it just me, or did we accumulate some bad Karma you forgot to tell me
about?"
"I can no kill that one, neh?"
"That Fabio chap is not half-bad, actually."
"I was forced to assume you were not here to sell Girl Scout cookies." -- Xavier, [Steff Corbitt]
"There ain't no use buttin' yer head up against a brick wall, unless of course you got a good chance of breaking it down." -- Wolvie, 'After the Flood'
"You better show a little more respect for me. I'm team leader."
Scott: You haven't learned a thing.
"There is a time for levity, and a time for seriousness. When certain jerk-off
chowder-heads who could not think themselves out of a paper bag get those times confused, there is a time for dumping bowls of Lucky Charms on their heads. This, quite clearly, was such a time." -- Fletch [Magical Mouse]
"Can anyone talk to the two of you together and *stay on topic* for more than
twenty seconds?!"
"'Gee, Sinister, what are we gonna do tonight?' -- 'Same thing we do every night, Aqua. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!'" -- Perk to Sinister and Aqua, 'The Mutants of Bucktown' [David J. Warner]
"Pop quiz, hotshot. You're surrounded by 15 mutants, all of whom are interested in taking you out. One of them has the ability to assume and effectively use the powers of any other mutant on the roof, and he's just assumed *your* power. What do you do?" -- Synch to Sinister, 'The Mutants of Bucktown' [David J. Warner]
"The next morning however, everyone seemed alert, most likely a combination of mutant metabolisms and large doses of caffeine, or for the unwary, a dose of the dreaded 'Moiracoffee'." -- fanfic by Stuart Palin
"Look! It's that.. girl..what's her name."
"Miz Frost," said Paige formally, toadying to authority once more, "this is Adam DuFeus and Angel Fletcher."
"*Earth to Mr. Summers...? Scott the mansion is on fire....Gambit stole your credit card again....Did I tell you that I'm really Madelyne Pryor in disguise, and Nathan is roasting on a spit in the other room?....Scott? SCOTT!*" -- Jean Grey [Breanna MacLeod]
"I just look at these people and go, 'When did leather become a coping mechanism?'" -- Kiki on superhero angst
"And yeah, Magneto bit it. And I'm Jean Grey. (Hey. I *could* be! How do you know I'm not possessed by the power of the Phoenix? You don't, do you? Show a little respect. )" -- Kiki
"Yeah, I like how no one can agree on a spelling. Fear the power of Magento! (purple-red radiation emanates!) " -- Mike Smith on IRC
"I still can't believe my raving me-want-that-Logan girly behavior. Even with all that hair...I was just like: Gimme. Hugh Jackman and James Marsden in leather. Be still my trembling heart. I really don't like Logan. Really. Good Lord this is ridiculous." -- Dandelion, falling to the Wolverine side of the Force
"I managed to explain most of the Phoenix Saga in under half an hour. But it was a close thing. And there was a lot of 'Scott is a *big* moron' going on."
"I like to picture [Chris] Claremont and [Warren Ellis] arguing about that. "She's *my* Mary Sue, she has to be sweet and innocent!" "Quiet, you wanker, she has to be old enough to snog *my* Mary Sue..." "Hey, my Mary Sue went on a date with Paige..." "Nobody was talking to you, Faerber!" -- Jim Smith, 'regarding Mary Sues, underage sex, and Warren Ellis'
"Y'know, they should have marketed AoA with the slogan "This is what happens when professionals write fanfic"." -- some perceptive person on r.a.c.m.x.
"Madelyne Pryor is as comprehensively dead as it is possible to get. There had better be a damn good explanation for this."
"There is normal death (if they're dead, they're dead), comic-book death (if you didn't see the body, they're not dead), and Marvel death (even if you saw the body, it was actually a clone, and they're not dead.)" -- Jonathan, Blink-l
"No wonder the telepaths on the X-teams do nothing but sit around drooling all day, they're constantly distracted by local anxiety:
"The weather report for the marvel universe today is partly cloudy with a chance of sentient beings." -- ChAoS
"Next month, John Francis Moore takes over. I look forward to Siryn joining Sinn Fein by Christmas." -- Paul O'Brien on X-Force
"Besides, Fox has the copyright on X."
"Super-heroes were created to represent the best in all of us. We should aspire
to match their nobility, not their ability to shoot big chrome guns." -- Mark
Waid
"It only took them one issue. One. And Pete is a drooling out-of-character
person, who forgot how to talk. Really. And they lost Lockheed again." -- Eliz,
r.a.c.m.x. on Excalibur 104
"And the winner, this year, of the much coveted Madelyne Pryor-Summers memorial award for tact and diplomacy in an interpersonal relationship is Nathaniel Essex. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my right foot and of course my mouth, without which none of this would have been possible." -- stolen by Brucha, racmx
"X-Force realises in time - as you might expect - and then deliver the immortal line 'In our desire to realise our dreams, we forgot that the only way to find a brighter tomorrow is by kicking butt today.' In my desire to expurgate my nightmares, I remember that the easiest route to better dialogue is to find a better writer." -- Paul O'Brien
"We know his bones are hollow, looks like his head is too." -- Jennifer Mingee on Longshot.
"Counsel for the defense, your witness"
"Come to me my x-men... what we have long feared has come to pass... SOMEone painted racing stripes on my hoverchair, and they are going to PAY!" -- Xavier, [Abyss]
"Hey, look, Jean's doing another Summers pose. The 'look at my butt' pose."
"And Professor X goes off to confront Onslaught alone, heroically disregarding all thought of his own safety, or indeed all thought full stop." -- Paul O'Brien on X-Men #56
"Warren Warren, he's our man...
"For years I've been fighting the beast inside me. Why'd I even bother?" --
Wolverine.
"For years I've been fighting to love this guy. Why'd I even bother?" -- Perri
after Wolverine 100 [Diane L.]
"What will happen to Scott? Will Wolvie ever regain his humanity? Will Sam smarten up? Will Madureira remember how to draw.? Tune in...."
"The top ten fights not seen in the MARVEL/DC crossover:
"Can Wolverine provide the miracle that will save the child's life? Can Jubilee's Christmas be saved? Will Jean and Gambit stop fighting in the kitchen?" -- from the Fox Network episode summaries
"I think his real death is overdue. Of course it would be done in a double
gate-fold, holo-gramatic, prismatic, gold plated, collectors issue for the bargain
price of #5.75 and a year later he'd reappear as the Phoenix." -- Amethyst on
Prof. X
"Come now. She could be written intelligently."
"Feron? Feron who? Um... (scuffs heels, looks around quickly, runs very fast in the general direction of away)" -- Warren Ellis
"Hey! Look! It's another X-Woman ltd. series that's been demanded for years that's actually a cleverly disguised Gambit Ltd. Series." -- a r.a.c.m.xer on a fouled-up ad for the Storm LS
"We just have to take the nods and winks and read between the lines and don't explain it to the children that Kitty wasn't taking off the belt because the
unstable molecules were chafing." -- sigma7
"If indeed the future holds doom and damnation for the X-men and mutantkind in general, and scores of individuals did come back to warn the X-men about them ....don't they just seem a bit too lax about it? i.e. 'Oh, another time-travelling prophet to speak of our doom .....Volleyball anyone?'" -- Mr. S, r.a.c.m.x
"There are never incredibly stupid questions when it comes to the x-titles.
Incredibly stupid *answers*, yes." - kate the short, r.a.c.m.x
"I followed a plant once. I was really bored one Sunday afternoon, so I followed a plant for an hour. Very boring. Has anyone seen my cat?" -- Mr. Peabody, The Spark
"That is not dead, Which can eternal lie,
"Waid, fwom Mawvel Comics. Kills wetcons and other pests dead on contact." -- Marty Blase on Mark Waid
"I always thought the golden rule of Marvel death was 'only Bucky stays dead.' and I don't think that is even true anymore...." -- Random .sig on r.a.c.x.
"How can you be comfortable lying on those cables?"
"Well, I'll be kissed by a wolverine!"
"There was that stock rolls-around-every-few-years thing where some X-Man (or Woman) who is never in a a leadership position suddenly is surrounded by X-Men eagerly awaiting orders, and they don't really want to give any. (This happens to everyone eventually, btw -- even a 14-year-old Kitty Pryde. Everyone, that is, but Scott, who is the only one who actually wants to give orders and is largely ignored)." -- Linda Dunn, r.a.c.m.x.
"If you start running around saying things like "I am power and life incarnate!" I'm outta here. Hm, Hawk: Phoenix Supreme?"
"Oh yeah--and there's a convention of Dead Acolytes somewhere in the arctic, near mountains (and thus nowhere *near* the polar area and an entire world away from the Savage Land and the fortress where Callisto & Colossus stayed after reentry), including Cortez (wasn't he fried *on-panel*? At least they technically deal with it; he has an 'I almost died, but I got better' line or three) and Exodus (who was buried by Cable & X-Man and shouldn't dig himself out until, oh, 2099 or so)." -- Aard D. Varq on Magneto #1
"What I would like to see is a return to what seemed to be one of the original functions of Excalibur, a bunch of Ex X-Folks & others keeping an eye on Rachel so MAYBE she wouldn't trash all reality because she was having a bad hair day." -- RLP, r.a.c.m.x.
"The Samson bit is good, as he will still respond naturally. Bobby would do the same with 'Drake' (as I bet this was shouted through the house numerous times by people who'd just been frozen to toilet seats)" -- the Man with the Golden Gun, r.a.c.m.x.
"So if they can bring back Norman Osborn, just wait for the return of the Changeling, Thunderbird, Bucky, and Uncle Ben in the Uncanny Ex-Deadmen." -- Xenia, r.a.c.m.x.
Comments and contributions to perri@neon-hummingbird.com.
X-Men Fanfic
"That's a very good attitude, Hank. You're really getting the hang of this parent thing."
"Yes I am. Now, if you'll all excuse me, I must go de-activate the tracer I hid in my daughter's pocket." -- Hank and Logan [Darqstar]
"Anytime I do explain something, someone ALWAYS whines that I'm giving them a headache. I stopped bothering, after a while." -- Kai and Cable [KayLee]
"The word I was gonna go with was 'sucker'..." -- Jubilee and Gambit [L.M. Griffin]
"A.....beeper?"
"If I push the button, the Fantastic Four will know I'm in trouble and come and get me. They're...uh.... civilian-sitting."" -- Sally and Juggernaut [Dyce]
"What, you're going to force me to re-read Onslaught'?" -- 'Bob Harras' and
Abyss
"Crush Emma Frost like a watermelon at a Gallagher concert? I hope so too." -- Kim and Jessi, "Jezebel's Jinx" [Mice]
Jono: Thru the plot hole.
Mondo: Plot-hole? what is a plot hole?
Jono: the same place that Paige's clothes go and come from and where the swords come from in Highlander." -- bum, natch
"That still hasn't prevented many citizens of our fair city from stopping by and signing petitions. The only problem is many ordinances in the city have special clauses against "acts of God and/or Marvel." -- Sigma 7 and Matt Murdoch on Onslaught
"I think it's working. Their aim is improving." -- Sinister and Mike, 'Chuck vs. Chuck
"Do we get matching leather jackets?"
"Any serious questions?" -- Kurt and Kitty, "Drawing of the Sword"
"That was a cheap one."
"I postulate we can as effectively slag the expensive replacement--are you
willing to spring for another one?" -- Hank and Bobby, 'Neon Hearts'
"Nope. I think God has just had a little too much Niquil...." -- Betsy and Jean,
Parody of a Short Fanboy Story [Martha McMahon]
"Of course not! We haven't got the comic book from him yet!"
"Damn."
"Remy, at least keep it down with the swearing, Scott's already on edge, and
likely to have seizures if he catches you..." -- also from PoaSFS. This is
another one I wanted to put in whole...
"But you DO have to talk to them SOMETIMES, either before or after." -- Psylocke and Storm [Susan Crites]
"Yeah, I kinda guess dat when you keep screamin' at me in combat." -- Scott and Remy [Melissa and Lori]
Rogue: Ah resent that!
Remy: Sure we learn stuff. We learn dat it's hard t' find a condom machine a t'ousand feet up in de air.
Ororo: That was far more detail than I needed to know.
Remy: Den I won' mention what happened t' our clothes.
Logan: That must be a record. The first couple to join the mile high club
without usin' a plane.
Warren: I don't know about that-Betsy and I...
Betsy: Warren please refrain from discussing that now.
Warren: You're right. We didn't make it quite that far up anyway now that I think about it - we stopped off at the top of the Sears Tower."
-- same two people; I had to resist temptation and not post this whole thing!
"No." -- Emma Frost and Fletch [Magical Mouse]
"It's Paige."
"Uh... What's she doing?"
"She's attempting to save the day."
"She's not very experienced is she?"
"Yer could say that."
"OW.. Oh. that's gonna leave a NASTY stain in the morning." -- Spiderman and Chamber, by bum
"I'm Adam," I said automatically, at the same time that Adam said, "I'm Angel." -- 'Daddy's Little Fallen Angel'
X-Men Fandom
"Yup. Fortunately, Lizbet & Dee were both DAYS fans at one point, so having everyone come back from the dead is not the problem it could have been, conceptually speaking." -- Boo and Chris
"She got better." -- Paul O'Brien and Alleigh, r.a.c.m.x.
"What is it Bishop?"
"My previously unmentioned telepathic powers are picking up anxiety! From that adolescent over there! They must be an assassin! Quickly, Scott, scan their mind!"
"Sorry, Bish, but I'm in the one percent of X-men without telepathic powers. Beast?"
"Ah, Scott, already done. Yon pubescent angsts about his upcoming first date, hardly an action that bodes us harm."" -- Evil Inc, r.a.c.m.x.
"Does Marvel know about this?" -- the Director and Wakko, 'The Y Files'
"Ummmm, just one question... did you like Wolverine better before or after he lost the adamantium?"
"OBJECTION! Your honor, it has been clearly established by retcon that the whole thing never happened." -- Abyss
"So she is. Guess it's contagious. Talk about your STD's...."
"Gee, Storm had better watch out...oh wait, Storm already does those poses.
Never mind." -- Domino and Delphi [Diane Levitan and Perri]
"If he can't do it, Betsy can!" -- Domino and Delphi
"The answers to these, and other nagging questions, can only be beaten out of
Scott Lobdell with a blunt object." -- Delphi and Domino on Wolverine 100
#10 Namor and Aquaman play battle ship
#5 Peter Parker vs. Jimmy Olson ("I'll photograph this.""No, I will")
#2 Superman vs. fruit of the loom ("You can't wear our product outside your
pants")
Annnnnnnnnnd the #1 fight not seen is...Slapstick and Speedball vs. the Animaniacs (go YAKKO, WAKKO, AND DOT!!! Nuff' said)" -- Aaron Thall, The Spark
"Only by throwing her off a cliff." -- Chinh and Paul on Candra
And with gross retcons, even death may die..." - Johnathan Burns
"--Oh, I'm always comfortable lying on Cable." -- Perri and Diane
"Only if you're really lucky." -- an actual line from 'Animaniacs' and Perri's response
"It's hard to say "Her powers are like a song within her" about a jack-booted thug. I think we're safe." -- Ruby Lis and David J. Warner, TIC