Spoilers, Speculation and Soliloquies

by havocthecat
Copyright 1998

So, anyway, I got to thinking. Now, we all know that I'm kind of...well, weird. I don't know if we all know that I love Shakespeare. Um...I need to learn *never* to combine Buffy, Shakespeare, and the concept of spoilers ever, ever again. Though I do want to hear reactions...

To read or not to read- that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler of the fen to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous spoilers
Or to take arms against a sea of guesses,
And by reading, end them. To read- to guess-
No more; and by a sight to say we end
the waiting, and the thousand natural thuds
That spec is heir to. 'Tis an episode
Devoutly to be wish'd. To read- to guess.
To guess- perchance to thud: ay, there's the rub!
For in that guess of fic what thuds may come
When we have shuffled off this lusting coil,
Must give us pause. There's the writing
That makes calamity of so long wait.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of hint,
Th' web site's wrong, the proud list's contumely*
The pangs of love/hate'd Joss, the ep's delay,
The insolence of ListMoms, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unspoiled takes,
When he himself might his guesses make
With a bare bodkin? Who would these unknowns bear,
To guess and spec under a weary list,
But that the dread of something after guess-
The so-discover'd spoilers, from whose bourn
No traveller returns- puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those eps we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus guessing does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of spoilerdom
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of eps,
And fanfictions of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn AU
And lose the name of canon. - Soft you now!
The fair Angelus!- Vampire, in thy orisons
Be all my thuds rememb'red

*contumely -- arrogance, rudeness, disrespect, scorn, reproach

Um, if anyone wants the original monologue to see how badly I butchered this, let me know and I'll mail it to you.

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