The List Mom Lays Down the Law

by diannelamerc
Copyright 1998

Grrr, argh.

Tell you what. *You* go talk to Mr. Xander Harris and tell him to get his fanny back in here and finish what he was telling me about the whole Angel thing and what he might do if the guy got his soul back. He sure isn't listening to me. (Harris, put the cheesy chips down and start talking, dammit!) -- Gina


The voice rang out absurdly loud in the reasonably-hushed library, echoing amongst the racks of books.

"Who is that?" Jenny asked as Buffy sprang automatically to her feet and assumed a fighting stance, prepared to battle... whatever.

Front and center, everyone!

"I... I believe it's Dianne," Giles sighed deeply, removing his glasses to wipe at the pristine lenses.

"He's right," Angel agreed, sounding no more thrilled.

Come on!

"So, who spiked her iced tea?" Xander groused, reluctantly sliding off the table and moving to stand more-or-less at attention beside Willow.

Cordelia followed, hands on her hips and a look of annoyance on her face. "So who died and made her God?"

"Well," Willow offered, looking carefully around the ceiling for the source of the voice, "She's a ListOwner, which kinda sorta already makes her God." Noting Buffy's rebellious look, she quickly qualified, "Well at least on the List."

O.k., now you guys aren't doing any more eps for the next eight weeks...

"Yes! Party-time!" Xander enthused, taking Cordy by the hand and turning back to Buffy and Willow. "Race you to the pool...."

Get back here Harris!

Reluctantly Xander shuffled back into place, muttering under his breath.

That's better. Now, in order to keep the List from losing what's left of its sanity, not to mention providing fodder for various zines, you all are now on fic duty.



"Like bloody _Hell_!"




("What is she now, 'The Great and Powerful Oz'?" Cordy muttered to Jenny.)

I _heard_ that!

"Like I so care...."

"Yo, Voice Girl," Buffy shouted back before there could be a response, "Have you ever tried decaf?"

The Voice ignored this.

So, we have various fic on-tap, and it's been reported to me that several of you are holding out, being difficult, or ditching altogether. This must stop!

"Or what?" Jenny asked bitterly. "The end of the world? Endless heartache? Torture and certain death? Sorry, been there, done that, burned the damned t-shirt."

O.K., so it's been really rough on you, Jenny. I know.

"Hell, I didn't work this hard when I was alive!"

I know, but Tina's almost done....



"I said, 'No'! Have you read what's happening to me there?"

"I'm not doing it either!"


"No! What they made me do on-screen was bad enough, but this???" He shuddered visibly.

Look, I didn't ask if you wanted to, you *need* to. Otherwise it's just going to hang there. Jenny, Angel...?

The voice waited until they looked up.

Go talk to Tina, get it over with, o.k.?

They glared at nothingness in rebellious tandem.

If you do, Jenny, I'll personally beg Elaine for more of her Nice Jenny story...."

She appeared to consider the offer. "You mean the one where I fell asleep on Rupert's chest?"


"Wait? What about me?" Angel protested.

Um... I'll lobby for some nice Angel fic, o.k.? There are plenty of Angel droolers around. I'm sure they'll write something nice for you soon....

"Some deal," the vampire pouted.

Jenny took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "O.K. We go, we finish it, and it's over, right?"


"Like we could tell if she were crossing her fingers," Xander muttered as Jenny dragged a still-reluctant Angel off with her, stage right.

"I hate being lined up like this," Buffy whispered to Willow.

"Yeah, kinda like cosmic dodge ball," Willow agreed.


Xander jumped at least a foot, then gathered his most accomplished 'I'm cool, I'm calm' look.

Put down the cheezy chips, Harris, and report to Gina-- on the double, soldier!

Xander almost saluted, then looked at the rest of the room, grinned half-heartedly in embarrassment, and scurried off.

"My hero," Cordelia groused.

Cordy, you're with me. We've got a Chaos story to write.

"You know, Voice, I'd love to, but I have to get my nails filled and...."

Give it up, Chase. Consider yourself volunteered.

"Imagine my rapture," she responded, heading nonetheless out the library door.

"Um, Dianne?"

Yes, Willow?

"Uh, what about the rest of us?"

I'm sure someone will be by for you shortly. In fact, as I recall, someone was looking for you earlier... so lay off the caffiene this time, o.k.?

Willow blushed a few shades darker, then nodded.

As you were, everyone!

"We're holding our breaths," Giles muttered, as the Voice faded away.

"Giles!" Buffy turned on him in mock-awe. "That was almost a joke!"

"Very close" Willow agreed with an encouraging smile.

"Well, I'll almost thank you then..."

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