Mental Wanderings

by havocthecat
Copyright 1998

They all belong to Joss (who is evil), blah, blah, blah...

Great. Uncle Creepy didn't think I was being a good little Rom, so he'd decided to pay me a visit. Hell. I can never seem to get far enough away from them. That's what I get for being born Gyspy. In my next incarnation I'm going to be a fucking polar bear. If I have to hear one more rant about my great Gypsy heritage, blah, blah, blah, I'm going to scream.

I hate this. Rupert's gotten more and more curious lately. Where's your family, Jenny? Where are you from, Jenny? It's hard to resist that pleading look in his eyes, but what am I supposed say? I don't know where I'm from because we didn't even stay a year? You can't meet my family because they're busy fleecing unsuspecting gadje? Yeah, I'm Rom; my name's actually Janna, stop calling me fucking Jenny? By the way, I was sent here to make sure that what's turned out to be a pretty nice guy suffers for the rest of eternity?

I'm sure he'd love that.

I'm glad my paper ID holds up. Of course, my family's had more than a few years of forging credentials. Just a few more months of hacking and I'll be able to pull off a whole new identity. That would mean leaving Rupert, though, and I don't know if I could do that. Leaving Rupert, leaving Willow--Gods, she's just starting to bloom--I don't know if I can.

Goddamn it. I grew up with all the stories of Angelus. Angelus-the-monster-who killed-your-beloved-ancestress. Beloved *and* stupid. What did the girl think, going out with a gadje in the middle of the night in vampire-infested areas? Angelus the slaughterer of your great-great-grandparents. Well, I'm sorry, but that's what you get for giving some dumb seventeen year old the key to the wards. None of this would have happened if not for that. Angelus and Darla, the slaughterers of a tribe.

I was ready. I'd heard all the stories. I knew everything about Angelus that the elders did. I didn't like it, but it was a chance to get away. They never send the happy ones to do their dirty work. They send ones like me out--the discontented ones, women and men who long to get away from the stultifying aura of tradition. They send us out to do a task that binds us closer.

I never expected a vampire to be so...human. Angel... Well, he isn't Angelus; he can't make up for the deaths. They weren't his crimes. An innocent is suffering, and I'm the one who has to hurt him.

I've always loved how expressive Rupert's face is. I don't think I could handle seeing him look at me in disgust. It nearly killed me the last time I hurt him.

I might be able to find a way out. Goddess, I want to get away. Before it's too late.

The only thing Uncle forgot to remind me of is that I'm in line for clan elder. I don't think I could ever forget.

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