MediaWest 22 Quote List

Vidding and LARPing and Harry Potter, oh my! The quote list actually started in the midst of post-production hell five days before the con, and continued forward until the respective rides home. The usual profanity and perversion warnings apply -- small people were not present and that should continue.

SunS Perpetrators: Abby, Dianne, Heather, Julie, Kiki, Lizbet, Maureen, Perri, Tina, Val

Non-SunS Perpetrators: Adam, Amy, John M., John W., Miriam, Phoenix, Rachel, Tara, all of the players in the Unchained Twilight Buffy LARP

Special Guest Perpetrators: Chris Demetral, Mike Cole, the other auctioneers/participants in the MediaWest art auction, various and assorted congoers, vid show attendees, and several more-or-less innocent bystanders

"You have the empty, tawdry life where you pick up women in bars... and why can't one of them be *meeeeeeeeeeee*?"

"She has scalpel scapulas?"

"The sushi need to ascend to a higher plane too! You're going it a favor! It's the Circle of Life, o.k.?"

"Kewl. It's not that I'm obsessive and in desperate need of validation, it's that.... okay, I'm obsessive and in desperate need of validation."

"This is the Trip O' Fatigues."
"Yeah, guess we're all pretty tired." < smack > "And MediaWest truly begins when the quote list starts and Adam gets hit simultaneously."

"Are you trying to defend yourself?"
"No, I'm trying to defend your stupidity."
"Ooo, dinner *and* a show."

"I'm your wife. That entitles me to half your Frosty."
"I was maid of honor. I get fries."

"I am so sleep deprived. And isn't that such a reassuring thing to hear from your driver."

"Where will we put the wine?"
"We'll drink it all and make room for more."
"Yet another reassuring thing to hear from the driver and the navigator."

"On our last trip to Florida, I spent most of it going, 'I could break through this security if I really wanted to.'"
"And a reassuring thing to hear from the guy in black leather."

"You know it takes three people working in tandem to do me."

"I think you could even turn Don Davis, dear."

"Why do I have to get ice?"
"Because you're a perky bug and you're pissing us off."

"Is there a sledgehammer here or are you just happy to see me?"

"What are you talking about, because it sounds obscene?"
"You should be so lucky."

"This wasn't designed to come off the wall, but it does."

"You're mostly blow drying my butt."

"Oh sure, blame the Horsechick. That'll keep you alive."

"You could do it in a small enclosed space. But then you have to clean it up."

"You could meet the puppy. Of doom."

"She ascended to a lower plane."
"Without me?!"

"I already let you put glop in my hair."

"You're going to need this." < hands over extra paper > "It's like she knows us."

"I'm going to create an army of willing backrub zombies."

"Yes, I have been an extremely good girl."
"Yes, but you just ruined it by lying heinously."

"Brian doesn't wear fishnets."
"What? He's not in Marketing?"

"Pervie Hobbit Fancier."

"I have a witch on my head."

"I have to ask why there's a ruler with Sentinel pictures on it, and what it's intended to measure."

"Yes, but you went there while I was touching it."

"We're the fringe element tonight."

"We're close friends."
"On a molecular level, at this point."

"You'll be the anonymous gnat with the confused personality disorder."

"That is one chicken that will never become a vampire."
"You never know, it could rise from the grave and stalk the night, sucking the blood of unwary livestock."

"Havoc: the Early Years."

"Please do not tease or feed the cleavage."
"You never let me have any fun."

"It's a breast quote. You really have to have two."

"There are some people who would buy it just because it's on sale, but they are lame and scary people."

"I'm on time delay from Dianne's brain."
"Tell me what I'm thinking about now."
"Give her two hours and she will."

"Somebody think of another quote!"
"As long as she's writing, she can't kill us."
"Somebody think of something funny."

"She looks like a constipated Cabbage Patch doll, honestly."

"It worked! I have the pie!"
"One pie to rule them all."

"Not water buffalo wings. American buffalo wings are much tastier."

"I don't want to go back to work."
"There are more people to pass you to."
"That works!"

"I have a dying hummingbird on my butt?"

"I was the victim of a drive-by knighting."'

"One rub to rule them all."

"Although 'I married a Cousin' sounds wrong outside of the deep South."

"You can be obscene with corpses without blood magic, y'know."
"Or horses."

"Vampire backwash. That's so beyond gross."

"He was so cute. Floppy, but cute."

"It's Bo Kent's worst nightmare."

"Did you know that John Schneider played the Devil on Thwapped Upside the Head by an Angel? Not to be confused with Seventh Circle of Hell. Can I tell you how much I want to drown all of the Camden children like kittens?"

%~This is the vid show that never starts...~%

"I did not intend to billow in front of people I know."

"Trust vidders to turn childbirth into a competition reel."

"If it was childbirth, I'd have to put it in the 'mature' category -- way too much blood and way too much screaming."
"And then there's the mother...."

"You just like watching us suffer."
"No, we just like making you suffer. There's a difference."

"Yes, Death wears a purple tank top."


Unchained Twilight Buffy LARP Quotes

"He was brought across in 1880.Preyed on Slayers for blood. Now he wants to repay society for his sins.To get this damn chip out of his skull.To emerge from his endless, forever Buffy."

"If you hand that to him when I am not in the room, I will kill you dead."

"Here's Anya's character sheet."
"You could give it to me and I could give it to Dee."
"And you could kiss my ass, but you're not going to."

"Can I kiss your glowy little ass?"

"Wow, Angel's going to be very soggy."
"At least his hair won't stand straight up."

"And of course, you can't have sex with a jellyfish."

"So there was this guy who was an ascended jellyfish of light...."

"These people need to get lives that don't involve having virtual sex with Jack O'Neill."

"Yeah, that's all we need, a drunk Halfrek."

"I just got bunnied!"

"I can be taught!"

"Stop cracking up the demons."

"Oh, he's got a chip in his head. He can't hurt anyone."
"But he can be Buffy's orgasm friend."

"They need to get laid or something -- the entire office."
"Didn't do anything for Lilah."

"I was starting a new marketing program."
"For evil people?"

"Assistant? Change the rules on the doors. No Evil Witches Allowed."

"Sucking? You mean like a Wesley/Giles sucking kind of thing?"

"She sucked the ink out of my books."
"That can't be good for your skin." [Ed. I have no memory of committing this quote. Cordelia temporarily took over my brain.]

"The hell with Willow, this is more important. What did you do to your hair?"

"Stay away from me. And Xander. And Buffy. And the world!"

"Well done, Perri! You broke the storytellers!"

"This is Mr. Teddy."
"Which looks *nothing* like Mr. Pillow."

"You're going to work off every one of those books."
"Can you say indentured servitude?"
"For centuries."

"Shouldn't a spell to find insane vampires be something you keep around?"
"Usually they find us."

"Now she's an evil witch rat."
"Spike wanted to snack on the WillowRat!"

"Roleplay amongst yourselves."
"But then there won't be a room left when you come back."

"I have teleported away for a backrub."

"Willow couldn't regurgitate into the books?"

"We're volunteering that you could sit on Willow's lap."
"We're volunteering that you could sit *in* Willow's lap."

"With friends like that, you don't need a life."

"How to tame a vengeance demon."

"Dark side, light side, dark side, light side. Advil!"

"So, what's your present?"
"Some British guy."

"Tara discovered her inner snark after she died."

"I will call the fires of hell down on your head and make your eyeballs pop from your head and... that will really suck."
"Oh. Really?"

"A toad with a gun? Now this will be interesting."

"There was no fight. There was me hitting Buffy and Buffy hitting the ground."

"Wes, we need you over here. Dawn's having a cow."
"Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, rogue demon hunter and cow obstetrician."

"Don't ask me to make any... bad... hopeful... thoughts."

"Some demon chick, I don't know, Halogen or something!"

"Resurrected blondes pop up all the time. Don't ask how."

"I wasn't a demon when we dated during that momentary forgettable moment."

"See aforementioned resurrected blonde."

"Xander has a friend?"

"I'm a vampire slayer, I'm a demon slayer, I don't know about cows."

"Buffy the cow tipper."
"Demon cow tipper."

"Why don't you find a word that rhymes with vanish?"
"Panish! No, that doesn't work...."

"Oh. My. God. It was like the fourth annual convention of Out-of-Town Hellmouth Demons."

"Fred, let's get back here. This is another case of the resurrected blondes."

"Once Angel is done being Sith Lord, he'll come back to Sunnydale."

"Somebody gives British guys as a gifts and it's not as appreciated any more."

"You know that whole demon glowy thing?"
"Cordelia, you start glowing."
"God, is my timing good or what?"

"You tried to end the universe?"
"Don't you feel betrayed by that?" < desperate giggles > "We're trying to have a serious scene over here!"

"Is Timmy out of the well?"

"I'm giving it all up!"
"Go, Cordy!"
"Damn skippy!"

"And then a ball of jellyfish flies out of Cordelia's chest."

"I could give you your memory back."
"I lost my memory?"
"You don't remember."

"You know your face exactly matches the color of your dress?"

"It's a reverse aquarium."

"And Tara discovers previously unknown pockets."

"Bondy's into Buffage."

"Wesley stole the anti-rat book."

"You were doing things with Wesley and Fred."
"You were doing PG-13-rated things with Wesley and Fred. G-rated."


"You guys are a whole other plane."

"667 --neighbor of the Beast."
"669 -- transportation of the Beast."
"It made sense when I said it."

"What I loved was that my beloved.... I can't remember his name."

"Context is... not necessary to make that funny."

"She gets a quote writing exemption to quote reading."

"With caffeine, all things are possible."

"Okay, where are you hiding the engines?... Quote that."
"You can't quote that!"
"'Stops, looks down shirt for ten minutes' is a valid description."

"Snarf the wine!"

"You know, there are programs to help with that."
"They'll make the tea for me?"

"He parted the waters of fandom."

"The natives are getting restless."
"No, the aliens are getting restless. The natives are getting scared."

"Lizbet is petting Dee's cleavage."
"I'm not petting Dee's cleavage, I'm petting her pendant."
"That's a new thing to call it."

"I have a non-conformist cup? It's a rebel cup."
"Yes, but now my cup is Darth Vader."

"I advise you not to ignite that the way you're currently holding it."

"Adam has to die now. That's all."

"You can't see her and if I get behind her, you can't see me either."

"The disembodied purple tank top of death."

"Why do you think they put decaff on the table? They were hoping we'd make the right choice."

"Tina has Goa'uld tech and she's not sharing."

"It's the evil menu."

"Very S&M butter."
"I'm gonna have to get some more toast."

"There was some serious hookage."

"Wesley gets prickly when he gets upset."

"There was a really bad incident with latex."
"And we're so not asking."

"Spit take!"

"You're not a higher being, you're an overcaffeinated being!"

"Where there will be no VCRs, so you're all kinds of screwed."

"I know, Captain Link Hogthrob is going to come save him! It's a Muppet thing."

"And Amy gets the syrup combo."
"Man, she's gonna be hyper."

"Would you want to lead this crew? It'd be the prototypical case of 'I'm their leader, which way did they go?'"

"Apparently you haven't had enough caffeine to warp your Buffy yet. Have you warped your Buffy today?"

"I am Horsechick. See me come down on you in righteous fury. Hah, hah, hah."

"Hold for a minute while I kill my husband. I brought black, it's appropriate."
"You always wear black."
"I'm wearing red! The color of blood! It's still morbid."

"Invisible bangs would be really annoying, and confusing for hairstylists."

"... and I'm sorry, but pansy-ass elf guy? *Not* hung to his knees."

"You *hissed* and *flailed* when sunlight entered the room! And you say you're not a vampire!"

"Damn! And we don't have any crosses because we're all *pagan*!"

"Pat, pat, pat..."
"No, *Adam*. I thought you'd know that by now."
"Damn, I've gotten you confused with my secret lover."

"Honey, why are you trying to eat my tank top?"

"Why do you think evil was winning? Good was drunk!"

"Artificially induced white-boy dancing."

"...Okay, I'm done now." < chorus > "No, you're not."
"It was just amazing...!"

"I don't think I can do anything else to this picture."
"Well, we could close the door..."

"Are you going to take that from a woman? < boos, hisses > The answer is 'Yes'."

"You, too, can own your very own patented Peter Meter."

"You can use it to draw straight lines, and that's the only straight thing about it."

"Can I have your job?"

"We'll fake his autograph."

"Do you *want* to kill Jessie?"
"It'll go up in value."

"There is far too much llama in this room."
"I specifically ordered chicken."

"Adam the Champagne Slayer."
"From the seventies."

"Yes, dear? ...Okay, that's just not right."
"You've got him trained well."

"I'll get the mead, you're being humiliated."

"I looove my Mama."
"I wonder why."
"Because she's a slut."

"Fire bad, massage oil pretty."

"We've got her nicely oiled up now, should we just throw her in the oven?"
"Witches talking about putting someone in the oven?"
"Don't forget to insert the meat thermometer."

"I'm starting to Trill with Adam. I really need my brain Lysol'd."

"Parting is such sweet... going somewhere else."

"Be glad I'm a nice person. I could have gotten both of you."

"All I did was turn it from arctic to, like, cold."

"I feel no desperate need for validation from an evil dude."

"You married me. That entitles me to half your Frosty."
"I was maid of honor. I get fries."
"And we have four days of MediaWest ahead of us...."

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