SunS Perpetrators: Abby, Dianne, Heather, Julie, Kiki, Lizbet, Maureen, Perri, Tina, Val
Non-SunS Perpetrators: Adam, Amy, John M., John W., Miriam, Phoenix, Rachel, Tara, all of the players in the Unchained Twilight Buffy LARP
Special Guest Perpetrators: Chris Demetral, Mike Cole, the other auctioneers/participants in the MediaWest art auction, various and assorted congoers, vid show attendees, and several more-or-less innocent bystanders
"You have the empty, tawdry life where you pick up women in bars... and why can't one of them be *meeeeeeeeeeee*?"
"She has scalpel scapulas?"
"The sushi need to ascend to a higher plane too! You're going it a favor! It's the Circle of Life, o.k.?"
"Kewl. It's not that I'm obsessive and in desperate need of validation, it's that.... okay, I'm obsessive and in desperate need of validation."
"This is the Trip O' Fatigues."
"Are you trying to defend yourself?"
"I'm your wife. That entitles me to half your Frosty."
"I am so sleep deprived. And isn't that such a reassuring thing to hear from your driver."
"Where will we put the wine?"
"On our last trip to Florida, I spent most of it going, 'I could break through this security if I really wanted to.'"
"You know it takes three people working in tandem to do me."
"I think you could even turn Don Davis, dear."
"Why do I have to get ice?"
"Is there a sledgehammer here or are you just happy to see me?"
"What are you talking about, because it sounds obscene?"
"This wasn't designed to come off the wall, but it does."
"You're mostly blow drying my butt."
"Oh sure, blame the Horsechick. That'll keep you alive."
"You could do it in a small enclosed space. But then you have to clean it up."
"You could meet the puppy. Of doom."
"She ascended to a lower plane."
"I already let you put glop in my hair."
"You're going to need this." < hands over extra paper > "It's like she knows us."
"I'm going to create an army of willing backrub zombies."
"Yes, I have been an extremely good girl."
"Brian doesn't wear fishnets."
"Pervie Hobbit Fancier."
"I have a witch on my head."
"I have to ask why there's a ruler with Sentinel pictures on it, and what it's intended to measure."
"Yes, but you went there while I was touching it."
"We're the fringe element tonight."
"We're close friends."
"You'll be the anonymous gnat with the confused personality disorder."
"That is one chicken that will never become a vampire."
"Havoc: the Early Years."
"Please do not tease or feed the cleavage."
"It's a breast quote. You really have to have two."
"There are some people who would buy it just because it's on sale, but they are lame and scary people."
"I'm on time delay from Dianne's brain."
"Somebody think of another quote!"
"She looks like a constipated Cabbage Patch doll, honestly."
"It worked! I have the pie!"
"Not water buffalo wings. American buffalo wings are much tastier."
"I don't want to go back to work."
"I have a dying hummingbird on my butt?"
"I was the victim of a drive-by knighting."'
"One rub to rule them all."
"Although 'I married a Cousin' sounds wrong outside of the deep South."
"You can be obscene with corpses without blood magic, y'know."
"Vampire backwash. That's so beyond gross."
"He was so cute. Floppy, but cute."
"It's Bo Kent's worst nightmare."
"Did you know that John Schneider played the Devil on Thwapped Upside the Head by an Angel? Not to be confused with Seventh Circle of Hell. Can I tell you how much I want to drown all of the Camden children like kittens?"
%~This is the vid show that never starts...~%
"I did not intend to billow in front of people I know."
"Trust vidders to turn childbirth into a competition reel."
"If it was childbirth, I'd have to put it in the 'mature' category -- way too much blood and way too much screaming."
"You just like watching us suffer."
"Yes, Death wears a purple tank top."
*****
Unchained Twilight Buffy LARP Quotes
"He was brought across in 1880.Preyed on Slayers for blood. Now he wants to repay society for his sins.To get this damn chip out of his skull.To emerge from his endless, forever Buffy."
"If you hand that to him when I am not in the room, I will kill you dead."
"Here's Anya's character sheet."
"Can I kiss your glowy little ass?"
"Wow, Angel's going to be very soggy."
"And of course, you can't have sex with a jellyfish."
"So there was this guy who was an ascended jellyfish of light...."
"These people need to get lives that don't involve having virtual sex with Jack O'Neill."
"Yeah, that's all we need, a drunk Halfrek."
"I just got bunnied!"
"I can be taught!"
"Stop cracking up the demons."
"Oh, he's got a chip in his head. He can't hurt anyone."
"They need to get laid or something -- the entire office."
"I was starting a new marketing program."
"Assistant? Change the rules on the doors. No Evil Witches Allowed."
"Sucking? You mean like a Wesley/Giles sucking kind of thing?"
"She sucked the ink out of my books."
"The hell with Willow, this is more important. What did you do to your hair?"
"Stay away from me. And Xander. And Buffy. And the world!"
"Well done, Perri! You broke the storytellers!"
"This is Mr. Teddy."
"You're going to work off every one of those books."
"Shouldn't a spell to find insane vampires be something you keep around?"
"Now she's an evil witch rat."
"Roleplay amongst yourselves."
"I have teleported away for a backrub."
"Willow couldn't regurgitate into the books?"
"We're volunteering that you could sit on Willow's lap."
"With friends like that, you don't need a life."
"How to tame a vengeance demon."
"Dark side, light side, dark side, light side. Advil!"
"So, what's your present?"
"Tara discovered her inner snark after she died."
"I will call the fires of hell down on your head and make your eyeballs pop from your head and... that will really suck."
"A toad with a gun? Now this will be interesting."
"There was no fight. There was me hitting Buffy and Buffy hitting the ground."
"Wes, we need you over here. Dawn's having a cow."
"Don't ask me to make any... bad... hopeful... thoughts."
"Some demon chick, I don't know, Halogen or something!"
"Resurrected blondes pop up all the time. Don't ask how."
"I wasn't a demon when we dated during that momentary forgettable moment."
"See aforementioned resurrected blonde."
"Xander has a friend?"
"I'm a vampire slayer, I'm a demon slayer, I don't know about cows."
"Buffy the cow tipper."
"Why don't you find a word that rhymes with vanish?"
"Oh. My. God. It was like the fourth annual convention of Out-of-Town Hellmouth Demons."
"Fred, let's get back here. This is another case of the resurrected blondes."
"Once Angel is done being Sith Lord, he'll come back to Sunnydale."
"Somebody gives British guys as a gifts and it's not as appreciated any more."
"You know that whole demon glowy thing?"
"You tried to end the universe?"
"Is Timmy out of the well?"
"I'm giving it all up!"
"And then a ball of jellyfish flies out of Cordelia's chest."
"I could give you your memory back."
"You know your face exactly matches the color of your dress?"
"It's a reverse aquarium."
"And Tara discovers previously unknown pockets."
"Bondy's into Buffage."
"Wesley stole the anti-rat book."
"You were doing things with Wesley and Fred."
*****
"You guys are a whole other plane."
"667 --neighbor of the Beast."
"What I loved was that my beloved.... I can't remember his name."
"Context is... not necessary to make that funny."
"She gets a quote writing exemption to quote reading."
"With caffeine, all things are possible."
"Okay, where are you hiding the engines?... Quote that."
"Snarf the wine!"
"You know, there are programs to help with that."
"He parted the waters of fandom."
"The natives are getting restless."
"Lizbet is petting Dee's cleavage."
"I have a non-conformist cup? It's a rebel cup."
"I advise you not to ignite that the way you're currently holding it."
"Adam has to die now. That's all."
"You can't see her and if I get behind her, you can't see me either."
"The disembodied purple tank top of death."
"Why do you think they put decaff on the table? They were hoping we'd make the right choice."
"Tina has Goa'uld tech and she's not sharing."
"It's the evil menu."
"Very S&M butter."
"There was some serious hookage."
"Wesley gets prickly when he gets upset."
"There was a really bad incident with latex."
"Spit take!"
"You're not a higher being, you're an overcaffeinated being!"
"Where there will be no VCRs, so you're all kinds of screwed."
"I know, Captain Link Hogthrob is going to come save him! It's a Muppet thing."
"And Amy gets the syrup combo."
"Would you want to lead this crew? It'd be the prototypical case of 'I'm their leader, which way did they go?'"
"Apparently you haven't had enough caffeine to warp your Buffy yet. Have you warped your Buffy today?"
"I am Horsechick. See me come down on you in righteous fury. Hah, hah, hah."
"Hold for a minute while I kill my husband. I brought black, it's appropriate."
"Invisible bangs would be really annoying, and confusing for hairstylists."
"... and I'm sorry, but pansy-ass elf guy? *Not* hung to his knees."
"You *hissed* and *flailed* when sunlight entered the room! And you say you're not a vampire!"
"Damn! And we don't have any crosses because we're all *pagan*!"
"Pat, pat, pat..."
"Honey, why are you trying to eat my tank top?"
"Why do you think evil was winning? Good was drunk!"
"Artificially induced white-boy dancing."
"...Okay, I'm done now." < chorus > "No, you're not."
"I don't think I can do anything else to this picture."
"Are you going to take that from a woman? < boos, hisses > The answer is 'Yes'."
"You, too, can own your very own patented Peter Meter."
"You can use it to draw straight lines, and that's the only straight thing about it."
"$1,200."
"We'll fake his autograph."
"Do you *want* to kill Jessie?"
"There is far too much llama in this room."
"Adam the Champagne Slayer."
"Adam?"
"I'll get the mead, you're being humiliated."
"I looove my Mama."
"Fire bad, massage oil pretty."
"We've got her nicely oiled up now, should we just throw her in the oven?"
"I'm starting to Trill with Adam. I really need my brain Lysol'd."
"Parting is such sweet... going somewhere else."
"Be glad I'm a nice person. I could have gotten both of you."
"All I did was turn it from arctic to, like, cold."
"I feel no desperate need for validation from an evil dude."
"You married me. That entitles me to half your Frosty."
"Yeah, guess we're all pretty tired." < smack >
"No, I'm trying to defend your stupidity."
"Ooo, dinner *and* a show."
"I was maid of honor. I get fries."
"We'll drink it all and make room for more."
"Yet another reassuring thing to hear from the driver and the navigator."
"And a reassuring thing to hear from the guy in black leather."
"Because you're a perky bug and you're pissing us off."
"You should be so lucky."
"Without me?!"
"Yes, but you just ruined it by lying heinously."
"What? He's not in Marketing?"
"On a molecular level, at this point."
"You never know, it could rise from the grave and stalk the night, sucking the blood of unwary livestock."
"You never let me have any fun."
"Tell me what I'm thinking about now."
"Give her two hours and she will."
"As long as she's writing, she can't kill us."
"Somebody think of something funny."
"One pie to rule them all."
"There are more people to pass you to."
"That works!"
"Or horses."
"And then there's the mother...."
"No, we just like making you suffer. There's a difference."
"You could give it to me and I could give it to Dee."
"And you could kiss my ass, but you're not going to."
"At least his hair won't stand straight up."
"But he can be Buffy's orgasm friend."
"Didn't do anything for Lilah."
"For evil people?"
"That can't be good for your skin." [Ed. I have no memory of committing this quote. Cordelia temporarily took over my brain.]
"Which looks *nothing* like Mr. Pillow."
"Can you say indentured servitude?"
"For centuries."
"Usually they find us."
"Spike wanted to snack on the WillowRat!"
"But then there won't be a room left when you come back."
"We're volunteering that you could sit *in* Willow's lap."
"Sex."
"Some British guy."
"Oh. Really?"
"Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, rogue demon hunter and cow obstetrician."
"Demon cow tipper."
"Panish! No, that doesn't work...."
"Cordelia, you start glowing."
"God, is my timing good or what?"
"Don't you feel betrayed by that?" < desperate giggles > "We're trying to have a serious scene over here!"
"Go, Cordy!"
"Damn skippy!"
"Hey!"
"I lost my memory?"
"You don't remember."
"Wahoo!"
"You were doing PG-13-rated things with Wesley and Fred. G-rated."
"747?"
"666."
"669 -- transportation of the Beast."
"Huh?"
"It made sense when I said it."
"You can't quote that!"
"'Stops, looks down shirt for ten minutes' is a valid description."
"They'll make the tea for me?"
"No, the aliens are getting restless. The natives are getting scared."
"I'm not petting Dee's cleavage, I'm petting her pendant."
"That's a new thing to call it."
"Yes, but now my cup is Darth Vader."
"I'm gonna have to get some more toast."
"And we're so not asking."
"Man, she's gonna be hyper."
"You always wear black."
"I'm wearing red! The color of blood! It's still morbid."
"No, *Adam*. I thought you'd know that by now."
"Damn, I've gotten you confused with my secret lover."
"It was just amazing...!"
"Well, we could close the door..."
"Can I have your job?"
"It'll go up in value."
"I specifically ordered chicken."
"From the seventies."
"Yes, dear? ...Okay, that's just not right."
"You've got him trained well."
"I wonder why."
"Because she's a slut."
"Witches talking about putting someone in the oven?"
"Don't forget to insert the meat thermometer."
"Hey!"
"I was maid of honor. I get fries."
"And we have four days of MediaWest ahead of us...."