Tina got married and sucked many, many other SunS into the black hole of Wedded Bliss with her. Between showers, the rehearsal and dinner, the wedding itself and the aftermath, much fun was had by all, the World's Cutest Flower Girl as corrupted, and much quoting happened.
General warnings about profanity, punning, and other possible perversions apply.
Top SevenWays You Know It's A Horsechick Wedding:
7. The bride is running around with pretty hair, pretty makeup, a leopard print bra and BDUs.
6. There's singing. Better yet, there's filking.
5. The bride has to shush the bridesmaid peanut gallery. During the ceremony.
4. The bride stops on the way to her reception to use someone's PalmPilot. 3. Dressing the bride involves a knife.
2. It takes two people to dress the bride, and one to write down the quotes.
1. Nobody swears in English and half of them don't swear in Human.
"Okay, here's the plan. Tina looks out the window and yells, 'Hey look, it's the Pope!' and the three of us run for it."
"I had two thoughts."
"Yes. They scared each other, and one went out that ear and one went out that ear."
"I wasn't connecting the fact that it was 5:30 with the fact that it was 5:30."
"Then again, it is a Wedding Party. Sort of like a Raiding Party. Except that Adam's already been reserved as Tina's Love-Slave, so the rest of us would have to make up for her being occupied."
"Aww, sweetie, didn't I tell you? The Wedding preparations and Wedding are the obstacle courses they make you run to prove you're *serious* about this marriage thing. Sort of like the Olympic Trials."
"He jumped up on the bed and said, 'Hi, I'm Gambit.' And I said 'Hi, I'm sleeping.'"
"Move, move, fuck you, move."
"Willow killed Kenny! ...You go, girl!"
"I know not'ing, I see not'ing, I say not'ing, and I lie like underground cable."
[to the groom's mother] "No, you can't use the camera during this."
"There's handwaving involved. Say no more."
"Hey look, it's Elvis!"
"Look at the camera, look fabulous for the camera..."
"We're posing, we're posing."
"It's the first time in your life you've ever been tall."
"We're gonna need a bigger notebook."
"I lopped some guy's head off. It was fun."
"I wanted to be pretty."
"You are pretty."
"Yes, but I have a scrape on my hand."
"That doesn't make you any less pretty."
"I had nothing to do with it, except for the part where I participated."
"There's really no room in here for a Quickening."
"Okay, she can't have any more of these little pink drinks."
"She's dying. This is entertaining."
"This sounds more like your lesbian best friend than anything else."
"That is no longer a skirt; that's a belt."
"It's not that I'm so much better, it's that they have very high standards of perversion."
"You can kill it; it doesn't have a soul."
"I'm still astonished that my internal alarm went off."
"I'm still annoyed that the external alarm didn't go off."
"A vertical butterfly kicked me!"
"We were listening to 'Jekyll and Hyde' to keep from killing people."
"And then singing about a homocidal manic who kills everyone who disagrees with him wasn't cathartic enough!!!"
"Oh, that's who I was quoting. I was trying to do Ray. Of course, we're always trying to do Ray."
"[Unintelligable but very pissed-off noises with mouth shut]"
"Wash your mouth out for saying that!"
"Especially since it got stuck in there."
"Hello, I just slept with a stranger in a bar and I took a shower and he doesn't know I left so don't tell him please."
"I realized as I was saying it that it was beginning to have a Seussian quality."
"The blonde leading the visually impaired."
[call from the other room] "Perri!"
"My hands are very busy!"
"Her hands are full of hair!"
"We need your mouth."
"Can you go up the aisle backwards?"
"We don't have a bondage quote yet. What's up with that?"
"It's a wedding, we're being demure."
"No, we're not."
"We're paying lip service to it while more freakable adults are in the room."
"I want to be romantic, not Medusa."
"The butterfly was swaying."
"I was? I didn't notice..."
"Kiki, will you marry me?"
"Sorry, I have to be free to join a convent at a moments' notice."
"There's high maintenance, and then there's handcuffs."
"You have massage oil and you're not afraid to use it."
"I want someone other than an O'Hare janitor to flirt with me."
"The Goddess of Peasants in 'The Seven Year Itch'."
"Adam was very flattered when you said he was on the design team for the Forces of Evil."
"Now I look like Faith mugged someone and walked off with her jewelry."
"Could someone go get garters for me?"
"And the producers expected us to believe Sam was wearing that bra under her uniform (which she *so* wasn't). 'Cause, wow, there's gravity on that planet. We know this because we saw people fall down."
"We are sweet and demure, and we will kick the ass of anyone who says otherwise."
"Adam, are you nervous?"
"The butterflies in my stomach are throwing up."
"There will be no bloodshed during this wedding."
"There will be no *excessive* bloodshed during this wedding."
[Mother of the groom] "The only way we're going to get Adam down the aisle is with a knife."
[Father of the bride] "Time to get rid of her!"
"The whole bridal party can take turns thwipping me with a wet napkin."
"I'm just told, in general, that there is something on my butt."
"Horsechicks in Purple sounds like our new rock band."
"Ah! More weaponry!"
"Official pillow of the wedding party."
[chorus] "Awww, they're so cute!"
"They've got the costumes to be cute."
"The Wedgie of Doom."
"Now we have the blind groom and the blind bride."
"I can see well enough to lob this bouquet at you. And it's *not* tossing time."
"Your bridesmaids need naps."
"Your groomsmen need food and alcohol."
"We'll settle for that."
"You sound like Giles on speed!"
"After I get rid of the bouquet, the shoes are going!"
"We figured out that O'Hare was built by the Goa'uld. And it's run by Niirti. It explains so much."
"Hey, I'll meet you under the table."
"Okay, let's go."
"I'm not kissing *her*!" [bride re: bridesmaid]
"I'm not kissing *her*!" [groom re: bride, 10 seconds later]
"We were having a cannoli moment."
"Yes! We have pictures of the quote list!"
"Frell! Frell! ...Okay, good."
"She's talking, it could take her days to notice."
"It makes great sense to have the bachelorette party after the wedding. Without the bride."
"Just the bachelorettes. And the non-bachelorettes."
"She's a bachelorette for the weekend."
"She's an honorary bachelorette."
"Jack-less and fancy free."
"I volunteered mine, but they turned it down because it was too big and wide and it would have been too much."
"Your boobs are clean now."
"I missed Peter Wingfield. I am shocked. I am amazed. I am a... a... a... depressed."
"Kiki has China orbiting her head."
"I would have thought Japan was orbiting her head."
"Ha! I have you wrapped around my finger."
"I don't think it's your finger I'm wrapped around."
"What are you doing with that candle?"
"I think it's illegal in several states."
"It's not really as much fun if I'm not stealing it."
"Contain it, retain it, do *something* with it!"
"Tina has stories to tell!"
"Y'know, this is the second time I've heard that people are talking about me."
"Maybe they are."
"Oh, I think someone's getting beaten by my boyfriend."
"I see a wave of purple assaulting us."
"You missed the dervish bridesmaids."
"Who da pimp?"
"Your waistcoat's turned up."
"Who da freakish-looking pimp?"
"All right, the flower girl has been duly harassed."
"My husband, the vampire."
"Tony *will* be found. Excuse me while I stalk my brother."
"I think I learned enough from my first to pay attention."
"No fixing up your friends with fixer-uppers."
"There was just a whole discussion of catching the bouquet in football terms, and I have to see how much of it I can remember."
"You had first possession."
"Off-sides, loss of five yards, repeat first down."
"Illegal use of hands."
"Okay, we've had SG-H partying."
"Now we need SG-H partying on Abydos."
"'Hey, Anise! Metabolize this!'"
"Cleavage jousting! Cleavage jousting!"
"Who's getting spanked? And how much is the fee?"
"It's 'Shout, the Exhausted Horsechicks Version'."
"Surprise shrimp is bad. You must be prepared to shrimp."
"Did you see Catie shimmy? All the way down!"
"I think she is no longer a Horsechick in Training. She has graduated!"
"It's time to get out of the dress and into the hot tub."
"This is why evil will always win over good... because good is tired."
"I've gotten a lot older in the last three days. And I was 31 to start with."
"We outlasted the five-year-old."
"If I marry Jeff, do I get Catie?"
"Is that a good enough reason to marry him?"
"~%I am the Goddess of chocolate ice cream...%~"
"Is my neck green?"
"They gave early and gave often and never gave up."
"Well, they're known for their stamina."
"My liberated woman mentality is gonna kick your ass."
"I didn't know butterflies migrated from bed to bed."
"The bed had assumed subjects."
"Spastic Horsechick Grammar 101."
"How to smother a butterfly: don't hold a pillow over her head, just drop it there and she'll hold it for you."
"We're not laughing at you, we're laughing near you."
"No people in my head. People on my bed, but not in my head."
"Y'know, she has yet to put a subject and a verb in the same sentence. It's really very entertaining. Conservation of parts of speech."
"Repeat after me: bite."
"See -- subject-verb."
"I have come far too far along the road of the skeletally doomed."
"The bathroom is over there. Why can't we bring it over here?"
"You'd tell me if I had a 'Komchack Me' vibe, right?"
"Let me think."
"Don't do it if it hurts."
"It's the decaffeinated version of the Horsechick warcry."
"Oooo, yummy man come back."
"He went to the patio."
"With a girl."
"With the waitress."
"Ooo, we return to singular crap."
"Would that I had a boyfriend I could beat up for doing this to me."
"If anything happens to California, Las Vegas becomes primo beach-front property."
"She's a highly-caffeinated kind of car."
"I'm sure if you could bend down every toe except the middle one, you would be."
"You do have dirty toes. There are prurient thoughts in your dirty toes."
"I didn't have anywhere to stick it, so I stuck it in my top."
"I get confused, there are fluttery things."
"But you participated, aren't you happy?"
"The phone was attacking me, though that wasn't a quote."
"It is now."
"See, it's Benny, only evil and stupid!"
"I'm not the only one who barps like a guy! Burps! God, I've been having problems with letters and words lately!"
"High-pitched girlie llama scream."
"Llama Dissing: The Untold Story."
"Thank you for bouncing on my breast."
"Your new name: Doesn't Flop With Chicks."
"Sprinkle her ashes over the Rockies and I won't expect her."
"You just want my car."
"I think that means the floor is the next to get married. Or waxed. I'm not sure."
"Can you get waxed in Illinois without being married?"
"Uffdah. Oy vey."
"If Angel were on the board, we'd need a round of medicinal sex or something."
"There's something about being evil and out to kill everyone that's delightful."
"I don't know what it is when you're beyond happy, but I'm there."
"You two are a dangerous substance that should be controlled. You make everyone around you think getting married might be a good idea. "
"What do you want to bet Tina and Adam keep a quote list on their honeymoon?"
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