B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, C=Cordelia, O=Oz, A=Angel, J=Joyce, PS=Principal Snyder

L=Larry, Li=Lily, K=Ken

W: That's right, big boy. Come and get it.
X: I got him! Go! Any time now...

W: He's getting away! And, ow.

O: That really never works...

X: First of all, what was with the acrobatics? How did that happen?
O: Wasn't Andy Hoelich on the gymnastics team?
X: That's right, he was. Cheater! Okay, and the second problem I'm having... "Come and get it, big boy"?
W: Well, the Slayer always says a pun or a witty play on words, and I think it throws the vampires off and it makes 'em frightened because I'm wisecracking, okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one but you try it every time!
O: If I may suggest: "This time, it's personal." I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic.
X: I've always been amazed with how Buffy fought, but in a way, I feel like we took her punning for granted.
W: Xander! Past tense rule!?

W: Oh, I'm going to be busy a lot, but only 'til three, and that's when you usually get up.

X: I can't wait to see Cordelia! I can't believe I can't wait to see Cordelia.
W: I wonder what our first homework assignment's going to be! < pause > Hey, you're excited over Cordelia, okay? We've all got issues.

B: How did you find me here?
A: If I was blind I would see you.
B: Stay with me?
A: Forever. That's the whole point. I'll never leave. Not even if you kill me.

W: We still have some glitches in the system... like vampires getting away. But I think we're improving!
G: For god's sake be careful. I mean, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but if anything should happen to you... you should be killed, I'd take it somewhat amiss.
W: You'd be cranky?
G: Entirely.
W: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement: "Don't get killed."

C: Las Palmas was a nightmare resort. They order you around, and make you have organized "fun". And I use sarcastic quote marks. Plus the fact, there are cockroaches in Mexico big enough to own property.

C: He didn't meet anybody over the summer, did he? No! Who's he gonna meet in Sunnydale? But monsters and stuff... but then again, he's always been attracted to monsters... How's my hair?

O: Well, it's sort of a funny story. You remember when I didn't graduate?
W: Well, I know you had a lot of incompletes, but that's what summer school was for.
O: Yeah. Well, you remember when I didn't go?

Teacher: Whoa! Slow down, people. Summer is over. Be somber.

W: But you never said anything! How am I supposed to react to this rather alarming news?
O: Well, actually, I was pretty much banking on you finding it cute.
W: Well, traditionally, you know, repeating a grade isn't exactly a turn-on. And you're practically a genius! You're Mr. Test-Scores. It's all a little weird.
O: So the cute thing is out?

X: I don't want to come on too geeky, but, uh... okay, I'm psyched. There's gonna be some heat, if you know what I mean, so you guys might want to duck and cover. And I'm starting to be geeky. Okay, bye. How's my...
W: Your hair is fine.

L: I'm so in shape, I'm a rock. It's all about egg whites. If we can focus, keep discipline, and not have quite as many mysterious deaths, Sunnydale is gonna rock!

W: I'm trying to get to cute, really, but I'm still sort of stuck on strange.
O: Well, I'd be willing to bargain down to eccentric, with an option on cool.

Li: Chantarelle was part of my exotic phase.
B: It's nice. It's a mushroom.
Li: It is? That's really embarrassing.
B: Well, it's an exotic mushroom, if that's any comfort.

X: Boy, I'm glad we showed up for depressing night.
W: I wonder what she's doing right now?
X: Oh, I know what she's doing. Gabbing to all of her friends about her passionate affair with Pedro the cabana-boy. Laughing about me, thinking how she still might have feelings about me. Oh, it's possible you're talking about Buffy.
W: It's possible.

X: Yeah, the slaying isn't getting any easier, either.
O: I don't know, I think we're kinda getting a rhythm down.
X: We're losing half the vamps.
O: Yeah, but... rhythmically.
W: We just need to work on our timing, I think.
X: Well, I know what we need.
O: A vampire Slayer?
X: Next best thing... bait.

G: Joyce, you mustn't blame yourself for her leaving.
J: I don't. I blame you.

Li: We gave blood lots of times 'cause you get a few bucks. And they have cookies!
B: You're a fan of the sugar rush.
Li: It's nice.

B: So, probably go faster if we split up.
Li: < nods > Can I come with you?
B: Okay, where did I lose you on the whole splitting up thing?

Nurse: What are you doing?
B: Breaking into your office and going through your private files.

B: I don't want any trouble. I just want to be alone and quiet in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don't even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one.

C: Why do I have to be bait? I'm always bait. Why can't Willow be bait?

X: Go away - this is my hiding spot.
C: Where do I hide?
X: You don't hide - you're bait. Go act bait-y.
C: What's the plan?
X: The vampire attacks you.
C: And then what?
X: The vampire kills you. We watch, we rejoice.

B: You know, I just, I woke up, and I looked in the mirror, and I thought, "Hey, what's with all this sin?" I need to change. I'm... I'm dirty. I'm bad, with the sex, and the envy, and that loud music us kids listen to nowadays. Oh, I just suck at undercover!

Monster: Who are you?
Victim1: No one.
Monster: Who are you?
Victim2: No one.
Monster: Who are you?
B: I'm Buffy. The vampire Slayer. And you are?

B: Anyone who's not having fun here, follow me.

Li: I'm sorry I said this was your fault before.
B: Lily, this can wait.
Li: Well, in case we die.

K: Humans don't fight back! That's how this works!

K: That was not permitted.
B: Yeah, but it was fun.
K: You've got guts. I think I'd like to slice you open and play with them.

B: Okay, this works the abs, and the glutes...

B: Hey Ken, want to see my impression of Ghandi? < bash! >
B: Well, you know, if he was really pissed off.

B: Let me give you the tour. This concludes our tour.

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