As You Were

B=Buffy, X=Xander, W=Willow, S=Spike, A=Anya, T=Tara, D=Dawn
R=Riley, Sa=Sam Finn

DP Guy: And the gum under the tables, be sure to give it a good scrape before you go.
B: May I?

DP Guy: See you tomorrow.
B: Yes you will. And the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that...

Vamp: What's that smell? Geeze, Slayer, is that you?
B: I've been working.
Vamp: Where, in a slaughterhouse?
B: Doublemeat Palace.
Vamp: Ohhh... You know what? Let's just call it a night. If it's all the same to you, and you've been eating that stuff, I'm not so sure I want to bite you.
B: You're dead. You smell like it. How do you get to say I'm the one who's stinky?

B: Oh, for pete's sake. Spike?
S: It's a fair cop. You caught me Slayer. However, in all honesty, I think we have to say this one doesn't count. After all, I wasn't exactly hiding.

S: So it's the fear of getting caught then, is it?
B: Reason number one on a very long list.

W: Dawnie and I are headed out to the Bronze.
D: Do I have your permission, and wanna come along? You like how I slipped in that permission request like that?
W: Very smooth.

B: Have a good time. Somebody should.

X: I'm starting to have dreams of gardenia bouquets. I am so glad my manly coworkers didn't just hear me say that.

A: Will you stop wolfing down those chips? One more bag and you'll pop right out of your cummerbund. You're not even hungry, you're just nervous.
X: Yeah! Wedding, one week. We have friends, family, demons flying in, a to-do list getting no shorter, and do not... take my chips.

W: So how are Mr. and Mrs. High-Strung?
D: I'm betting they explode.

W: But if I did call, she wouldn't hang up on me.
D: That's progress.
W: Hence the happy.

D: Bronze was fun last night. In a total home-by-elevenish kind of way.

R: Hey.
B: Huh?

B: You're here.
R: I know.
B: And, were you always this tall?

R: This isn't the way I wanted it, but something's come up, something big, and we don't have much time. You understand?
B: Not a word you've said so far.

R: I want to explain, I just don't have time. I've been up for 48 hours straight tracking something bad, and now it's come to Sunnydale.
B: My hat has a cow.

R: Suvolte demon - rare, lethal, nearly extinct. But not nearly enough.

B: So they're like really mean tribbles.

R: You ready for this?
B: Yes, please.

R: National Forestry Service, we got a wild bear!

B: Nice wheels.
R: Came with the car.

R: How you doing?
B: Complicated question.
R: I just meant...
B: I know.
R: I hear you. I got some, uh, big stories to tell you, too. If we ever get half a second.
B: Did you die?
R: No.
B: I'm gonna win.

R: No offense, but this is black ops and you look like a pylon.
B: Ninja wear.
R: Battle gear. Lightweight kevlar. State of the art.
B: What a surprise.
R: Boys like toys. Put it on. Thank me later.

A: I think we died in this car on the way to the airport, and now we're stuck in hell.
X: The radio said no traffic.
A: It's a hell radio. Of course it said so.

A: We'll never get to the airport in time to pick up your stupid uncle.
X: It just gives my Uncle Rory more time at the bar. Trust me, he'll be happy.
A: Great. So he can sleep off his drunken stupor on our newly reupholstered couch.

X: I hate my uncle. I hate my whole family. That's why I'm marrying you, to start a new family, have children, make them hate us. Then one day, they'll get married, we'll sleep on their couch. It's the circle of life.

A: Well, the gnarols are teleporting in in 20 minutes. If I'm not there to greet them, somebody's getting incinerated.
X: Why did we ever agree to have your friends, who are demons, and my family, who are monsters, stay at our place?

A: Planning this marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy.
X: Without the laughs.

A: It's going to be our perfect, perfect day if I have to kill every one of our guests and half this town to do it.

Sa: What exactly are you doing with my husband?
B: Husband? Wife. And those aren't code names like Big Dog or Falcon or...?

B: How long have you been married?
R: Four months, almost.
B: Mazel tov. Any children?

B: So, you guys do this often, you know, the whole husband-
wife tag-team demon-fighting thing?
R: It's what brought us together.

Sa: You got a safe-house?
B: I have a house. I think it's safe.

W: Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.

W: Please - let me carry the hate for the both of us.
B: Go nuts.

B: Which means we have to find the nest, and fast, before Sunnydale turns into the Troublemeat Palace. I wish I'd said something else.

B: So who's hungry? We got...
D: Ice cubes.
B: All you can eat.

Sa: Patrolling with the real live Slayer. You're like Santa Claus or Buddha or something.
B: Fat and jolly?

S: I don't usually use the word delicious, but I've got a wager this little tableau must sting a bit, hey?

S: What can I say? The girl just needs a little monster in her, man.

R: Glad to be back in Sunnydale. The locals all speak English, and I know who to beat for information.

R: We can do this the hard way or we can do this the fatal way.

B: He's too incompetent. It's just Spike, Riley.
R: Right. Deadly, amoral, opportunistic. Or have you forgotten?

R: Can you shut him up?
B: Not so far.

B: I'm not exactly gun girl.
R: You want to live, learn fast!

X: But granted, I have a hard time imagining Nick and Nora Fury hiding out from their own relatives in a bathroom.

A: So our wedding... is not our marriage.
X: Separate things. One fills me with a dread akin to public speaking engagements.
A: And that would be the wedding.

B: I'm sleeping with Spike.
R: I had actually noticed that.

R: Hey! You want me to say that I liked seeing you in bed with that idiot? Or that blinding orange is your very best color? Or that that burger smell is appealing?
B: You smelled the smell?

R: You're still the first woman I ever loved, and the strongest woman I've ever known. And I'm not advertising this to the missus, but you're still quite the hottie.

Sa: Well, the wedding itself was held in a military chopper just before a hairy night drop into hostile territory.
X: Huh. And just curious, what's a chopper rental run these days?

W: What a bitch.

S: I've memorized this tune, luv. I think I have the sheet music.

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