Beauty and the Beasts

B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, C=Cordelia, O=Oz, A=Angel
J=Joyce, PS=Principal Snyder, F=Faith, Sc=Scott

P=Pete, D=Debbie, MP=Mr. Platt

W: "He was sounding the deeps of his nature, and the parts of his nature that were deeper than he, going back into the wombs of time. The rabbit could not..."
O: < snarl >
W: Okay, uh, maybe we should try a less stimulating passage.
X: Private Harris reporting for Oz-watch.

X: Ah, "Call of the Wild." Aren't we reading the Cliff's Notes of this in English?
W: Some of us are. Anyway, it'll help you stay awake. It's good, and very wolfy. It seems to sooth the savage beast. < whispers > Except for the part about rabbits.
O: < growl >
X: Rabbis?

X: No worries, I can handle the Oz full monty. I mean, not handle handle, like hands to flesh handle.
W: Okay, well, it's not for you. It's for me, 'cause I'm still getting used to the half monty.
X: Oh, good. Half? You and Oz? Which half?
W: Wouldnąt you like to know?

F: Nice place. Do you ever catch kids doing the diddy out here?

F: Bet you and Scott have been up there kicking the gear shift.

F: But you like him, and when you think about him, you get that good down-low tickle, right?
B: Yeah, I guess, but... how low?
F: You tell me.
B: How about not?

B: But he is... nice, and he's funny.
F: And quite a muffin.
B: Blueberry. That crunchy, munchy stuff on top. But my most favorite thing so far is that he doesn't seem to be any kind of hell beast.
F: All men are beasts, Buffy.
B: Okay, I was hoping to not get that cynical 'till I was at least forty.
F: It's not cynical. I mean, it's realistic. Every guy, from Manimal to Mr. I-love-The-English-Patient has beast in him. And I don't care how sensitive they act. They're all still just in for the chase.

Sc: Hey, Buffy. That's what I stopped you for, basically. Hey.
B: Okay. Hey.

D: Hi, Oz. Hey, you're not doing jazz band this year?
O: Oh, can't take the pressure. It's not the music that's hard, it's the marching.
B: We have a marching jazz band?
O: Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational, we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats. Scary.
W: He's just being Oz.
O: Pretty much full-time.

Sc: Well, we're not up to flowers. Are we? Up to flowers? Did I miss flowers?
B: No. We're pre-posy. Definitely.

D: But I'm flunking senior bio, and my teacher says I have "success issues."
O: Senior bio? I kind of aced that final.
W: And how did you do that? Oh, right, you showed up.

G: Right. It's good to see you. Um, no need to panic.
O: Just a thought: Poker, not your game.
W: What's the deal, Giles?
G: Now, bear in mind, most likely, there is no deal, but if -- if there was a deal, then it would concern murder last night.

W: Wolf-you, not you-you.

X: Not to freak, I rested my eyes now and then, that's all.
G: How long, exactly, did you rest your eyes for?
X: A little now, a little then.

B: Buffy Summers, reporting for sanity.

B: Not too crazy? Those are your credentials?

MP: Everybody has demons, right?
B: Got to say I'm with you on that.

MP: Lots of people lose themselves in love. It's no shame. They write songs about it. The hitch is, you can't stay lost. Sooner or later, you have to get back to yourself.
B: And if you can't?
MP: If you can't... Well, love becomes your master, and you're just its dog.

B: I'm afraid to ask.
C: Oz ate someone last night.
W: He did not!
X: Oz does not eat people. It's more werewolf play. You know, I bat you around a little bit, like a cat toy. I have harmless wolf fun. Is it Oz's fault that, you know, side effect, people get cut to ribbons, and maybe then he'll take a little nibble and... I'm not helping, am I?

G: We could ask Faith to watch over him.
O: What, you're having a Slayer watch me? Oh, good, we're not overreacting.

O: Okay, you know that thing where you bail in the middle of an upsetting conversation? I have to do that. It's kind of dramatic, I know, but... sometimes it's a necessary guy thing.
W: And I want you to do the guy thing, but...

X: We're doing crime here. You don't sneak up during crime.

C: Okay! Scarred for life. Oh god.

X: This guy is pretty barf-worthy. Can't we be elsewhere?

W: There are a lot of incised wounds, but they could be from anything.
C: Anything with big, sharp teeth, and vicious...
X: Do you want to go back to the car and wait?

X: Okay, little too much excitement for the Willster here.

F: Buffy, are you okay? What are you doing here?
B: Uh, bleeding internally, but I'll live.

F: I was going kind of crazy in here, but I can get in a few stakings before sunrise.
B: Knock yourself out. Not literally, though.

B: Oh, boy, Faith and her nutty books.
G: "Exploring Demon Dimensions," and "History of Acathla."
B: Yeah, and she still listens to heavy metal. Freaky-deaky.

B: This was vivid. Really vivid. Three-dimensional, sensurround, the hills are alive.

G: In my experience, there are two types of monster. The first can be redeemed, or more importantly, wants to be redeemed.
B: And the second type?
G: The second is void of humanity... cannot respond to reason or love.

W: Glazed or cake? It's fun to watch them make them. They use this spritzy thing, and they drop the batter into this...
B: Couldn't sleep, huh?
W: I've been at Mr. Donut since the tv did that snowy thing. How come you're the wakey-girl? I mean, this time it's not your boyfriend who's the cold-blooded... Jelly donut?

Sc: I can't back you on that lunch. Nutritional demerits.
B: Oh, my stomach doesn't want hard food today. But there's fruit in it.
Sc: Those are marshmallows.

D: He'll make you start a dream journal.
P: What's that, like a Barbie thing? "Dear Dream Journal, how come Ken hasn't come around since he got that earring?"

B: He definitely marches to the beat of his own drummer. Actually, I think he makes his own drums.
Sc: My mom says that therapy can be completely helpful.
P: Yeah, but your mom has the wattage of a Zippo lighter, Scott.
Sc: I hope you realize I don't actually know these people. I just, I thought you would like me better if I had friends, so I hired them.

P: Check out Scotty liking manic-depressive chick.

G: This creature is especially brutal. I believe the phrase coined by the coroner when describing Mr. Platt was "pureed."

F: Which means that he was killed during the day.
W: Yes! Sorry, I got... I've just been... It's horrible, horrible.

G: Clearly, we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal.
O: Present. Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable.

G: We have two victims... Jeff Orkin and now Platt. Maybe there's something they had in common.
F: Missing internal organs.
G: Besides that.

G: Faith, you and I team. Willow, stick with Buffy.
O: And I'll... go lock myself in the cage.

B: It's tricky, covering a fresh shiner like that. You know what works?
D: What?
B: Don't get hit.

D: I didn't ask for your help.
W: Well, when are you going to? I mean, if Pete kills you, it'll pretty much be too late.

O: This is kind of a bad time.
P: Well, I guess you didn't think about that when you put the moves on Debbie.
O: We talked, yeah, but it was move-free.

O: I'm serious. Something's gonna happen that you probably won't believe. Or you might.

D: He does love me. He does love me.
W: I think we broke her.
B: I think she was broken before this.

O: Time's up. Rules change.

G: Ow!
B: Sorry!
G: Oh, right. Bloody priceless.

W: It's all over school what happened with Debbie and Pete. Except for the Pete-was-a-monster part.
O: Yeah, a freshman told me that Pete had eight iced cafe mochas and just lost it.
B: That's better than the estrogen theory. I heard he took all of his mother's birth-control pills.
C: He didn't? Pete was a monster? Where have I been?
X: In your special place, Cor, which is why I adore you.

C: So it was a real killing? He wasn't under the influence of anything?
B: Just himself.

C: Great. Now I'm going to be stuck with serious thoughts all day.

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