Bring on the Night
B=Buffy, D=Dawn, X=Xander, W=Willow, S=Spike, A=AnyaG=Giles, An=Andrew, AB=Annabelle, M=Molly, K=Kennedy, FE=First Evil, PW=Principal Wood
X: It's a loop -- like the mummy hand. I'm doomed to replace these windows for all eternity.
A: Nothing. And nothing. Cliff's Notes to nothing. Nothing abridged.
A: Please, how many times have I heard that line in my demon days. "I'm so rotten they don't even have a name for it. I'm bad. Baddy, bad, bad, bad. Does it make you horny?" Or terrified. Whatever.
X: I wish sleeping ugly would come to.
W: Hey, here, the First! ...Bank of Delaware. Sorry.
FE (Drusilla): Little girls tear so easily... like pink paper.
B: If you don't tell us what we need to know, then I'm gonna offer you to the First on a platter and let him chop you into tiny pieces.
An: The First what?
A: The name of the evil thing that pretended to be Warren to get you to kill Jonathan.
An: Oh. Not very ominous sounding.
An: Evil names should be, like, Lex, or Voldemort, or...
B: Hey! I was intimidating here.
An: Oh, sorry. Go ahead.
X: Whoa, check out the goat-headed badness.
D: There's blood on this. Lots.
D: Looks like the First made another sacrifice. Or a music video.
X: Thanks for cleaning that up, because otherwise we might have thought you were up to no good here at the satanic manhole cover.
B: Boys, can we save the encounter session?
An: This place gives me the creeps. It's like in Wonder Woman, issue 297/299--
X: "Catacombs", yeah, with the skeletons.
X & An (in unison): That was cool.
PW: I thought that you were, um...
D: Sick? She was. Oh, vomiting and oozing from various places, and--
PW: Yeah. I remember, so, please, don't go on.
B: That's full-service principaling.
PW: I try.
B: We buried a time capsule.
D: Hello, people of the future. Kids today like Red Bull and, uh, "Jackass"!
B: I'll be there tomorrow. No problem. One-hundred-percent ooze-free.
G: Sorry to barge in. I'm afraid we have a slight apocalypse.
G: When I learned what was happening, I... stole them.
A: And you blew the Council up! See, this is what happens when you're all stuffy and repressed. You overreact.
G: There wasn't time for bureaucracy or debate. The Council knows no other way.
An: And it cost them their lives! [pause] Go on.
B: Can we gag him?
G: It's not corporeal. It can't touch or fight on its own. It only works through those it manipulates. And its followers, the Bringers.
K: Those freaks in the black robes.
M: Yeah, with the hoodies and the crazy alphabet eyes.
G: You're the only one who has the strength to protect these girls... and the world, against what's coming.
X: But no pressure.
K: If this thing is the root of all evil, isn't the Hellmouth its number one vacation spot?
B: We need more muscle. That's why we need to find Spike.
A: Yeah, he'll help. You know, if he's not crazy, or off killing people, or dead. Or, you know, all of the above.
FE (Drusilla): That's why our kind make such good dollies. Hard to kill.
B: Giles, this is bad, isn't it? A new kind of bad.
G: Just in time for Christmas.
B: You know, I didn't even realize it was December. Maybe when we get home we should decorate the rubble.
B: Think you'll ever show up for a real visit? The kind where the world isn't about to end?
G: If we survive this, I promise.
An: So, how long have you followed Buffy?
X: I don't follow her -- she's my best friend.
An: Huh. She seems like a good leader. Her hair is shiny. Does she make you stab things?
G: Good lord, are you all right?
B: Peachy, except my knees bend backwards now.
M: What does it want?
B: All of us dead.
B: Somehow I don't think taking on prehistoric evil comes with nap time.
G: How do you plan to research something as ill-defined as the First?
B: I have the best plan ever... [types "evil" into web search page]
PW: "Manifestations of evil"?... "In the movies." You're searching for evil movies?
B: I know it's not the all-time most kosher use of my office hours. but, you know, when I get some down time, and what can I say? Just love those evil, evil movies. Like "Exorcist", you know, "Blair Witch"...
PW: Hmm. As opposed to Rob Schneider's oeuvre?
B: Different kind of evil.
B: What kind of movies do you like?
PW: Oh, me. Mysteries. I love finding out what's underneath it all at the very end.
FE (Drusilla): Think of it as a game. A fun, funny game... without all the rules or any of the bothersome winning part, but still, there are sides.
FE (Drusilla): Then we can fly, be free and visit all our friends as they come squirming up from out the earth. I know you like a good wriggle, and a giggle, and a squiggle.
S: You're not Drusilla.
FE (Drusilla): No, I'm really not.
S: She was crazier than you.
FE (Drusilla): What do you say?
S: Dru, love... get bent.
G: This day is almost over and the sun will go down in 17 minutes.
X: Hey, junior Slayers, don't look so worried. I mean, sure, we don't know where Spike is, or how to fight the First, or if and when the super-style vampire is gonna attack us all. However, house -- boarded up. Now all we gotta do is trap this uber-vamp in the pantry and it's game over.
W: Xander -- newbies. Let's ease them into the whole jokes-in- the-face-of-death thing.
X: Who's joking? That pantry thing could work. You saying M. Night Shyamalon lied to us?
W: I want you to know that I'm really sorry for letting you down. You know, here, before, with the magick going all "ahh!" and me going all "eee!" and everything getting all "rrr!"
K: Hey, are we getting weapons? Trained fighters, badness coming. I've heard worse ideas.
AB: We'll be armed when the Slayer feels we're ready.
M: I feel ready.
AB: You're frightened. You must learn to control your fear.
K: Hey, you know what would help with that? Weapons.
AB: We're with the Slayer. Safe as houses.
K: You see the house we're in?
An: Listen to me, man, I've got a bad feeling about this.
X: Of course you got a bad feeling, dude, you're tied to a chair.
An: Okay, I know what you're thinking: "Andrew, bad guy." You think I'm a super-villain like Dr. Doom or Apocalypse or the Riddler. But I admit I went over to the dark side, but just to pick up a few things, and now I'm back. I've learned. I'm good again.
B: And when were you ever good before?
An: Okay, technically, never. Touche. But I'm like Vader in the last five minutes of Jedi, with redemptive powers of... mine is a redemptive struggle... of... epic redemption... which chronicles... These ropes itch.
G: We are back to square one.
X: Which square would that be, exactly?
B: I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell, and it's going to swallow me whole. And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Oh, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run... do it now. Because we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them and cut out their hearts one by one until the First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There's only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil. And that's us. Any questions?