B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, C=Cordelia, O=Oz, A=Angel
J=Joyce, PS=Principal Snyder, WP=Wesley, M=Mayor Wilkins
L=Larry, Jon=Jonathan, F=Freddie

B: You demons can't resist a run & stumble, can you?

W: So scabby demon got away?
B: Scabby demon #2 got away. Scabby demon #1, big check in the "slayed" column.
W: I don't like this whole "no mouth" thing. It's disquieting.
B: Well, no mouth means no teeth... unless they have them somewhere else.

B: What do we know?
X: What DON'T we know. Tell her, Giles.

G: ...I've cross-referenced...
X: He's a cross-referencing fool.
G: It's not the ritual flaying of the demon Azareth, nor the, um... I don't know what's going to happen.
O: That was kind of an anti-climax.

G: I was just filling Buffy in on my progress regarding the research of the Ascension.
WP: Oh. And what took up the rest of the minute?
G: Touche.

W: He only kissed her for the greater good.
B: I don't know... to the naked eye it looked like fun.

W: Too bad you're patrolling, 'cause we're all going - Oz, Xander, everybody.
B: Great. Everybody who isn't currently Buffy.

G: You touched one of the demons.
B: A good touch, not a bad touch.

G: Is this the demon in question?
B: In the disgusting flesh.
G: Hmm.

G: It says they can infect the host.
B: Infect? Infect?! Giles! Infect??

B: Is it me, or is this really lame?
O: I don't know - I usually enjoy lame, but this is leaving me kinda cold.

W: According to Freddy's latest editorial, "the pep rally is a place for pseudo-prostitutes to provoke men into a sexual frenzy, which, when thwarted, results in pointless athletic competition."
X: And the down-side being?

W: The school paper is edging on depressing lately. Have you guys noticed that?
O: I don't know. I always go straight to the obits.

W: What are you doing, Buffy?
B: Nothing. Checking for horns!

B: I'm suddenly going to grow this demon part, and we don't even
know what it is. It could be claws, or scales... what?
W: Was it a boy demon?

X: Oh my god, he's looking at her! He's got his filthy, adult, Pierce-Brosny eyes all over my Cordy.
O: You're a very complex man, aren't you?

A: Sorry.
B: It's okay. I didn't see you, so I should have known you were there.

A: I mean, sometimes demons, they just exaggerate their power.
B: Demon hype.

A: Hey, I love you. Even if you're covered with slime.
B: I liked everything until that part.

O: It was intense.
X: Yeah, for a minute there, I thought you were going to make an expression.
O: Well, I felt one coming on, I won't lie.

C: It was an incredible game. I've never cheered so hard in my life. I still have knee-marks on my back. (pause) From the pyramid?

W: Yeah, well, I still bet patrolling was way better, 'cause, wow, important.
B: Well, I thought I saw a four-legged demon. But it was just a dog.

B: Is this the thing? The aspect thing? 'Cause I gotta say, if it is, it is way better than a tail. I mean, I have a hard enough time as it is finding jeans that fit right.

B: When I walked in a few minutes ago, you thought, "Look at her shoes. If a fashion magazine told her to, she'd wear cats strapped to her feet."

B: The boys of this school are seriously disturbed.

W: Buffy did the reading? Buffy understood the reading?

A: I've been with dozens of girls like her. More.
B: Oh, this honesty stuff is fun.

A: A lot of things that seem strong, and good, and powerful - they can be painful.
B: Like, say, immortality?
A: Exactly. I'm dying to get rid of that.
B: Funny.
A: I'm a funny guy.

O: I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me, and she becomes me. I cease to exist.

X: What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help! 4 times 5 is 30. 5 times 6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me!
B: God, Xander, is that all you think about?
X: Actually? 'Bye!

WP: Look at Cordelia. No, don't look at Cordelia! She's a student.
Oh, I am bad. I'm a bad, bad, man.

O: No one else exists, either. Buffy is all of us. We think, therefore she is.

O: If you don't need me, I'm gonna follow the redhead.

B: Guess I won't be writing that book, "Winning Friends Through Telepathy."

O: Are you sure they meant it?
X: Yeah, I mean, who hasn't just idly thought about taking out the whole place with a semi-automatic? (pause) I said idly!

X: I'm still having trouble with the fact that one of us is just
going to gun everybody down for no reason.
C: Yeah, because THAT never happens in American high schools.
O: It's bordering on trendy at this point.

B: You had sex with Giles? You had sex with GILES?
J: It was the candy. We were teenagers.
B: On the hood of a police-car?
J: I'll be downstairs. You feel better.
B: Twice?!?

C: I think I should work with Wesley.
X: You have no shame.
C: Oh, please. Like shame is something to be proud of?

C: Hi, Mr. Beech. I was just wondering, were you planning on
killing a bunch of people tomorrow? Oh, it's for the yearbook.

X: Okay, so turn-offs include smoking, insensitive men, and Birkenstocks.

L: Man, I'm out. I'm so out, I've got my grandma fixing me up with guys.

X: Today's editorial - titled, "Big game draws mindless, brain-dead mob."
C: Does he mention the cheerleaders? Because we were ON.

F: You're not here about the review?
O: the review?
F: Yeah. Last Thursday...
O: "Dingoes Ate My Baby played their instruments as if they
had plump polish sausages taped to their fingers."
F: Sorry, man.
O: No, it's fair.

X: Can you hear thoughts? (Buffy shakes her head) Just when I wasn't thinking about sex!

X: Ooh, jello!

Jon: You think I just want attention?
B: No, I think you're up here in a clock tower with a high-powered
rifle because you want to blend in.

B: Believe it or not, Jonathan, I understand about the pain.
Jon: Oh, right. 'Cause the burden of being beautiful and athletic, that's a crippler.

Jon: I just wanted it to stop.
B: Yeah, well, mass murder? Not really doctor recommended for that kind of pain. Besides, prison? You know, it's a lot like high-school, only instead of noogies...
Jon: What are you talking about?
B: Actions having consequences, you know, stuff like that.

Lunch-lady: Vermin. You're all vermin! You come in here, and you eat, and you eat filth!
B: I don't see this being settled with logic.

W: So you're feeling better about Angel?
B: Well, we talked. And then he ripped out the heart of a demon and fed it to me, and then we talked some more.
W: See, that's how it should work.

B: It's nice to be able to help someone, in a non-slaying capacity. Except he's starting to get that look. You know,
like he's gonna ask me to Prom.
G: Well, it'd probably be good for his self-esteem, if you...
B: Oh, come on, what am I, Saint Buffy? He's like three feet tall!

G: Feel up to some training?
B: Sure. We can work out after school. You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my MOTHER.
G: //thud!//

Back to Quotes | Back to SunS