B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, S=Spike, A=Anya, D=Dawn
T=Tara, J=Joyce, H=Harmony

W: Tell me a story.
T: Okay. Once upon a time, there was a kitty. She was very little and she was all alone and nobody wanted her.
W: This is a very upsetting story.
T: Oh, oh, but it gets better. 'Cause one day the kitty was running around the street and a man came and swooped her up and took her to the pound. And at the pound there were lots of other kitties, and there were puppies, and some ferrets.
W: Were there dolphins?
T: Yes, many dolphins at the pound.
W: Was there a camel?
T: There was the front of a camel. A half-camel.
W: Did the kitty get chosen by some nice people?
T: Well, now you've ruined the ending.

W: I don't need to be snuggled.
T: Vixen.

Glory: Okay. Now I'm upset.

X: Ow! Thumb. Necessary opposable thumb.
R: Sorry. Crybaby.

A: But we just helped her move the stuff in a few days ago. //turns, sees Buffy// And it was fun!
G: People help each other out, Anya. One of our strange customs.
B: Giles, I noticed you're doing the smallest amount of helping that can actually be called helping.
G: Well, I saw myself in more of a patriarchal sort of role. You know, lots of pointing and scowling. //points, scowls// You two, stop that.
R: He started it!
X: He called me a bad name. I think it was bad. It might have been Latin.
G: Stop it, or you're going to break something.
//X & R continue wrestling//
B: Or I'm going to break something.
//X & R stop immediately//

B: Nothing like getting your ass kicked to make your ass hurt.

T: Yeah, you learn her source, and we'll introduce her to her insect reflection. //everyone stops & stares at her// Th-that was funny if you, um, studied taglarin mythic rites... and are a complete dork.
R: Then how come Xander didn't laugh?
X: I don't know that taglarin stuff.
R: Oh.

A: We have to bring presents, right? Birth is a present thing?

A: Thank you for coming. We value your patronage. Please come again for more purchases!
G: Could we perhaps be a little less effusive, Anya? We don't want to frighten the people.
A: I'm just so excited. They come in, I help them, they give us money in exchange for goods, you give me money for working for you. I have a place in the world now. I'm part of the system. I'm a workin' gal.
G: Yes. Well, why don't you start organizing the shipping orders?
A: Oh, no, that's boring. I just want to do the money parts.

X: You are gonna be there?
B: Yeah. Barring monsters.

X: Give me sugar. I've come to buy sugar. //kiss//
A: Mmm! We value your patronage.

B: Your definition of narrow is impressively wide.

G: You can't be more specific about what she's like?
B: She was kind of like Cordelia, actually. I'm pretty sure she dyes her hair.
G: Ah, yes, that one, of course. Our work is done.

X: I'm helping, I'm reading, I'm quiet.

B: You said you got a present already.
X: Yeah, that was a tangled web of lies, sweetie.

B: There's just... that thing.
X: That thing.
B: That thing of not understanding...
X: Half of what she says?

X: But Tara, I just know she likes Willow, and she already has one of those.

B: Uh! I have a present-buying headache.

G: Come up with anything yet?
X: Well, candles maybe, or bath oils of some kind.
B: I saw a really cute sweater at Bloomies, but I think I want me to have it.
G: And you are talking about what on earth?
B: Tara's birthday. We're at a loss.
G: You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid.

X: What, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball?
G: You bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped.

B: You're a god. You're like the god of boyfriends.
R: Nah, I just like it when you owe me favors.
B: Well, this earns you a big favor. There could be outfits.
R: Oh, be still my heart.

D: I'm going to Melinda's for dinner.
B: Since when?
D: Nowish.
B: You can't. It's not safe for you to walk there.
D: It's across the street.

B: Besides, Melinda's a bad influence. I don't like you hanging out with someone that... short.

B: She makes me crazy.
R: That's kinda the word I was searching for.
B: What? She shouldn't be going over there.
R: Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness. Gotta nip that in the bud.

Glory: blonde. short. Strong for a human... and massively rude! Broke my shoe, took my monk. Do you have any idea who I'm talking about?

Glory: Oh god, please don't tell me I was fighting a vampire slayer! How unbelievably common. If I had friends and they heard about this...

Glory: You have the cutest little suppurating sores. Has anyone ever told you that?

W: Am I late? Did I miss any exposition?

R: What can I say? The place just reeks of class.

Sandy: This place is such a dive.
R: No, no, it's great. You just have to close your eyes, plug up your nostrils, it's fine.

Sandy: We could go somewhere else. Someplace more... private.
R: Oh, Sandy, Sandy. It's no good. My heart belongs to another. Besides, I don't go out with vampires. They're never interested in my intellect.

H: Apparently he got recruited by some big nether-wig, and now he's on a mission. You think they might actually do it? Kill her?
S: God, that would be... pleasant.
H: Well, if they do, I think we should do something... like a gift basket or something.

Dad: What in god's name is that?
S: Lei-ach demon. Fun little buggers. Big with the marrow sucking.

B: You want her, Mr. Maclay? You can go ahead and take her. You just gotta go through me.

B: You want to take Tara out of here against her will, you gotta come through me.
D: And me.
Dad: Is this a joke? I'm not gonna be threatened by two little girls.
D: You don't want to mess with us.
B: She's a hair-puller.
G: And... you're not just dealing with two little girls.
X: You're dealing with all of us.
S: 'Cept me.
X: 'Cept Spike.
S: I don't care what happens.

Dad: *We* are her blood kin. Who the hell are you?
B: We're family.

Donny: Tara... if you don't get in that car, I swear by god I will beat you down.
X: And I swear by your full and manly beard you're gonna break something trying.

Cousin Beth: Well, I hope you'll all be happy hanging out with a disgusting demon.
A: Excuse me... what kind?
CB: What?
A: What kind of demon is she? There's a lot of different kinds. Some are very, very evil, and some have been considered to be useful members of society.

S: Why don't I make this simple. //punches Tara//
T: Ow!
S: Ow! //clutches head//

S: There's no demon in there. It's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line? You're a piece of work. I like you.

T: He hurt my nose.
S: Yeah, you're welcome.

T: 'Cause your insect reflection reflects your insignificance in terms of the karmic cycle.
A: //thinks// But it's still not funny.

D: This place is so cool. Except I have to wear this stupid stamp on my hand.
X: That's to keep you from boozing it up.
D: Oh, please. Only losers drink alcohol.
//everyone lowers their cups//

T: Even when I'm at my worst, you always make me feel special. How do you do that?
W: Magic.

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