Graduation II
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, C=Cordelia, O=Oz, A=AngelJ=Joyce, PS=Principal Snyder, WP=Wesley, F=Faith, M=Mayor Wilkins
H=Harmony
X: Here's your coffee, brewed from the finest Columbian lighter fluid.
G: Thank you. Horrible.
X: Aren't you supposed to be drinking tea, anyway?
G: Tea is soothing. I wish to be tense.
X: OK. But you're destroying a perfectly good cultural stereotype here.
G: Look through the Kepler volumes. Any reference to the demon Olvikan: powers, weaknesses, hat size. There has to be something.
X: Still batting zero? But I mean, uh, in cricket?
C: I demand an explanation.
X: For what?
C: Wesley.
X: Uh... inbreeding?
C: So very funny. Any minute, I'm sure to laugh.
G: Buffy no longer needs a watcher.
C: But does he have to leave the country? I mean, you got fired and you still hang around like a big loser. Why can't he?
A: I can't leave you. I was wrong. I need you.
W: Oh! You mean you need Buffy!
A: Willow?
W: Yes! Right! Willow!
O: Any change?
W: He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy.
O: You, too, huh?
M: Murderous little fiend. Did you see what she did to my Faith?
A: Hadn't made any plans to weep over that one.
M: Well, looks like somebody's been eating his spinach.
M: The show's not over, but there will be a short intermission. Don't want to miss the second act. All kinds of excitement.
A: I'll be there.
X: Well, it's just good to know that when the chips are down and things look grim, you'll feed on the girl who loves you to save your own ass.
X: Gosh, I'm really gonna miss him when he leaves town.
F: Miles to go. Little Miss Muffet counting down from 7-3-0.
B: Great. Riddles.
B: Is this your mind or mine?
F: Beats me.
B: Is Angel here?
O: He had to go. Got kinda sunny.
B: That's the basic plan. So. Am I crazy?
W: Well, crazy is such a strong word.
G: Let's not rule it out though.
B: You don't think it can be done?
G: I didn't say that. I might, but not yet.
C: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
O: We attack the Mayor with hummus.
C: I stand corrected.
O: Just keeping things in perspective.
C: Thank you.
C: My point is, crazy or not, it's pretty much the only plan. Besides, she's Buffy and she's Slay Gal. Little Miss Likes to Fight. So . . . .
X: I think there was a Yay vote buried in there somewhere.
X: Key? Me? Okay, pride . . . humility . . . and here's the mind-numbing fear. What do I have to do?
X: Ooo! Rocket launcher?!
B: Faith told me to play on his human weakness.
W: Faith told you? Was that before or after you put her in a coma?
B: After.
W: Oh.
C: Of course! That's it! We'll attack him with germs.
B: Great! We'll get him cornered and then you can sneeze on him.
C: No! No. We'll get a container of Ebola virus and . . . and . . . or, it doesn't even have to be real. We can get a box that says Ebola on it and . . . um . . . chase him! //silence//
With the box.
X: I'm starting to lean towards the Hummus Offensive.
O: They'll never see it coming.
A: At the hospital, he was grieving. Seriously crazed and not just in a homicidal-I-want-to-be-a-demon way.
WP: You haven't an enormous amount of time.
X: Hey! It's Mr. States the Obvious!
B: The council is not welcome here. I have not time for orders. If I need someone to scream like a woman, I'll give you a call.
WP: So there is something I can do? Besides . . . scream like a woman?
M: The transformation should begin at exactly 3:28. I'll just be finishing my speech. You know, it's too bad you fellows are going to miss that because I think it speaks to every one of us. I mean, heck, I've been working on it for 100 years, it better be good.
B: You and Xander are going to have to work together now. Can you guys handle that?
X: I'm still Key Guy, right?
B: Right.
X: Great. Then Angel, in his non-Key Guy capacity, can work with me.
A: What fun.
X: Hey, Key Guy's still talking.
B: Oh, that's good. Start bickering. That's gonna work great for us. You guys are like little old ladies.
M: No snacking! I see blood on your lips and it's a visit to the wood shed for you boys.
O: Who's gonna stoke it up?
B: Feel up to it?
G: I suppose it should be I. Strangely fitting in a grotesque fashion.
M: Remember, fast and brutal. It's gonna be a whole new world come nightfall, don't want to weaken now. And boys? Let's watch the swearing.
X: Harmony, listen, I need to talk to you for a sec.
H: You mean in front of other people?
WP: With Buffy no longer working for the Council, there's really no place for me here.
C: Guess not.
WP: No reason to stay.
C: No.
WP: No. No cause to hope that . . . I might be needed. . . .
C: Needed. . . .
WP: Or wanted . . . .
C: Wanted
[Kiss attempt #1]
[Kiss attempt #2]
C: Good luck in England.
WP: Yes, well, I'll drop you a line some time.
C: That'd be great.
O: Are you nervous?
W: Only in a terrified way.
O: We're gonna make it through this.
W: Are you sure?
O: I sound pretty sure, don't I?
W: Yeah.
O: Well, then I must be sure.
W: Is that just a comforting way of not answering the question?
PS: Congratulations to the Class of 1999. You all proved more or less adequate.
PS: This is a time of celebration. So sit still and be quiet. Spit out that gum.
PS: Please welcome our distinguished guest speaker, Richard Wilkins III. I saw that gesture. You see me after graduation.
M: Well. What a day this is. A special day. Today is our centennial. The 100th anniversary of the founding of Sunnydale. And I know what that means to all you kids.... Not a darn thing.
B: My god, he's gonna do the entire speech.
W: Man, just ascend already.
B: Evil.
M: It has begun. My destiny. It's a little sooner than I expected. I had this whole section on civic pride. But I guess we'll just skip to the big finish.
PS: This is not orderly. This is not discipline. You're on my campus, buddy, and when I say I want quiet, I mean //CHOMP//.
B: Hey! Remember this? I took it from Faith. Stuck it in her gut. Just slid in her like she was butter. You wanna get it back from me? Dick?
M: Well gosh!
WP: If I could just get something for the pain. It's rather a lot of pain actually. Aspirin? Anyone? Perhaps I could just be knocked unconscious?
B: I haven't processed everything yet. My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels. It's pretty much 'Fire bad. Tree pretty.'
G: There's a certain dramatic irony attached to all this. A synchronicity that borders on predestination, one might say.
B: Fire bad. Tree pretty.
G: Must go attend to Wesley. See if he's still whimpering.
C: Well, that was the most fun you could have without having any fun.
W: What about the part where we kicked some demon ass? I didn't hate that.
B: If someone could just wake me when it's time to go to college, that'd be great.
O: Guys, take a moment to deal with this. We survived.
B: It was a hell of a battle.
O: Not the battle. High School. We're taking a moment.... And we're done.
X: Well! School's done. That is so cool!
W: Why do demons even come here? I mean, don't they know how bad we are?