What's My Line II

B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, A=Angel, C=Cordelia, O=Oz
JC=Ms. Calendar, J=Joyce, PS=Principal Snyder, S=Spike, D=Druscilla

K=Kendra, WW=Willie

B: Okay, one more time. You're the who?
K: I am the Slayer.
B: Nice cover story. But here's a tip - you might want to try it on someone who's not the real Slayer.

B: Could you stop with the Slayer thing? I'm the damn Slayer!

B: Okay, a scenario: You back off, I'll back off. But you promise not to go all wiggy until we can go to my Watcher and figure this out.
K: Wiggy?
B: You know, no kicko, no fighto.

B: What, so he's a real guy, as in non-fictional?

G: And you are called?
K: I am the vampire Slayer.
B: We got that part, honey. He means your name.
K: Oh. They call me Kendra. I have no last name, sir.
B: Can you say, "stuck in the '80's"?

K: Identify yourself!
B: Back off, Pink Ranger. This is my friend.
K: Friend?
B: Yeah, as in person you hang with? Amigo?
K: I don't understand.
B: You try. I'm tapped.

K: But the Slayer must work in secret, for security.
G: Of course, b-b-but with Buffy, however, it's-it's, um, some flexibility is required.

G: Good lord... you were dead, Buffy.
B: I was only gone for a minute.

K: She died?
B: Just a little.

G: This is completely unprecedented. I'm quite flummoxed.
B: What's the flum? It's a mistake. She isn't supposed to be here, she goes home.

B: I'm not dead, and frankly, having you around creeps me out just a little bit.

B: And what's your great plan for finding this dark power? You just going to attack people randomly until you find a bad one?

K: I thought you were a vampire.
B: Oh, a swing and a miss for the novice.

K: Did I not see you kissing a vampire?
W: Buffy would never do that! Oh... except for... sometimes you do that. But only with Angel. Right?
B: Yes, right!

B: Look, you saw me with Angel, and he is a vampire, but he's good.
K: Angel? You mean Angelus. I've read about him - he is a monster.
G: No, no, no, he's good now.
W: Really.
B: He had a gypsy curse.
K: He had a what?
B: Just trust me on this one, okay? He's on the home team now.

WW: There you go, friend. He'll be as good as new in a day or so.

S: What's the matter, Willie, don't you trust me?
WW: Oh, yeah, like a brother.
S: *slap* Talk, and I'll have your guts for garters.
WW: Wild horses couldn't drag it!

WW: What are you going to do with him, anyway?
S: I'm thinking... maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know?

C: Do you have anything in raisin? I know you wouldn't think so, but I'm both a winter and a summer.
BuG: $9.99, tax included.
C: You said that already. Do you have anything in the berry family?
BuG: Are there more ladies in the house?
C: Oh, no, they're not home. You know, nothing personal, but maybe you should look into selling dictionaries, or...

X: Okay, Mary Kay, time to... time to run!

C: Here! I don't do worms.
X: Cover me!

K: So, I did not kill him.
B: Then I don't need to kill you.
WW: Whoa! There's a lot of tension in this room.

B: Doesn't anyone just say 'hello' where you come from?
K: This one is dirty. I can feel it.
B: That's really good for you, Percepto Girl. But we're not going to get anything out of him if he's, oh, say... unconscious.

B: Where's Angel?
WW: My buddy Angel? You think I'd let him fry? I saved him in the nick! He was about five minutes away from being a crispy critter.

WW: I swear on my mother's grave... should something fatal happen to her, god forbid.

B: I don't take orders. I do things my way.
K: No wonder you died.

WW: I have to ask. Has either of you girls considered modeling? I have a friend with a camera -- strictly high-class nude work. You know, art photographs, but naked. You don't have to answer right away.

D: I was dreaming.
S: Of what, pet?
D: We were in Paris. You had a branding iron.
S: I brought you something.
D: And there were worms in my baguette.

S: My black goddess. My ripe, wicked, plum.

D: You've been a very bad daddy.

K: Then we will stop Spike.
B: Ooh, good plan. Let's go, charge!
G: Buffy...
B: It's a little more complicated than that, John Wayne.

W: There's a Slayer handbook?
B: Wait, handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
W: Is there a t-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool.

G: After meeting you, Buffy, I realized that the handbook would be of no use in your case.
B: Well, what do you mean it would be of no use in my case? What's wrong with my case?

G: I must admit, I've never been able to get through that book. It's a bit stodgy.
K: It was difficult. All those footnotes!
//both laugh//
B: Hello, and welcome to planet pocket protector.

K: And I imagine she's a cheerleader as well.
G: Well, actually, she had to give up her cheerleading. It was quite an amusing story, actually...

B: Get a load of the She-Giles.
W: Creepy.
B: Eww.

B: Bet Giles wishes I were more of a book geek.
W: Giles is enough of a book geek for the both of you.

B: I can say, "Kendra, you slay, I'm going to Disneyland."
W: But, not forever, right?
B: No. Disneyland would get boring after a few months.

X: Could you sit down, or change your pattern or something? You're making me queasy.

X: I have a plan. We wait. Buffy saves us.
C: How will she even know where to find us?
X: Cordelia, this is Buffy's house. Odds are she'll find us.

C: Sorry! Forgot I was stranded with a loser!
X: And yet, I never forgot that I'm stuck with the numb-brain that let Mr. Mutant in the house in the first place!
C: He looked normal!
X: What, is he supposed to have an arrow with the word 'assassin' over his head?

C: I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself.
X: Not just any girl. You're special.

C: Coward!
X: Moron!
C: I hate you!
X: I hate you!
X: We *so* need to get out of here.
C: Uh-huh!

B: That guy over there is totally checking you out.
W: Oh, that's Oz. He's expressing computer-nerd solidarity.

W: Your hair is brown.
O: Yeah, sometimes.

O: Well, I sort of test well, you know, which is cool. Except that it leads to jobs.

W: Don't you have some ambition?
O: Oh yeah, E-flat diminished ninth.
W: Huh?
O: Well, the E-flat, it's do-able, but it's that diminished ninth, you know. It's a man's chord. You could lose a finger.

W: He's shot! Are you okay?
O: I, um, I'm shot, you know. Wow! It's odd. And painful.

X: Who sponsored career day today, the British soccer fan association?

X: You want to talk Order of Taraka? We just met the king freak of the... hello!

X: A slayer, huh? I knew this 'I'm the only one. I'm the only one' thing was just attention-getter!

X: So, you're a Slayer, huh? I like that in a woman.

B: You and bug people, Xander. What's up with that?
X: No, but this dude was completely different than praying mantis lady. He was a man _of_ bugs, not a man who was a bug.

C: Oh God, I'm showering!

X: Man, that guy got major neck in his day.

X: Hey, Angel's our friend! Except I don't like him.

B: I've had it. Spike is going down. You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend.

G: There are 43 churches in Sunnydale? That seems a little excessive.
W: It's the extra-evil vibe from the Hellmouth. Makes people pray harder.

K: Did anyone explain to you what secret identity means?
B: Nope. Must be in the handbook. Right after the chapter on personality removal.

G: Is everything all right?
B: It's okay. Kendra killed the bad lamp.

B: When this is over, I'm thinking pineapple pizza and teen movie video fest. Possibly something from the Ringwald oeuvre.

X: Oh, here we go. I am the bug man, coo-coo ka-choo.

X: Okay, he can only be killed when he's in his disassembled state. Disassembled. That means when he's broken down into his little buggy parts.
C: I know what it means, dork head.
X: Dork head? You slash me with your words!

B: Don't get me wrong, you really do have potential.
K: Potential? I could wipe the floor with you right now!
B: That would be anger you're feeling.

K: I'm not permitted to speak with boys.
B: Unless you're pummeling them.

K: Your life is very different than mine.
B: You mean the part where I occasionally have one?

K: You tink he might help us?
B: I tink we might make him.

S: I'll see him die soon enough. I've never been much for the pre-show.
A: Too bad. That's what Drusilla likes best, as I recall.

D: Shh. Rrruff. Bad dog.

S: Aren't you a "throw himself to the lions" sort of sap these days? Well, the lions are on to you, baby.

K: Just hit him, Buffy!
B: She likes to hit.

B: He could die!
K: He's a vampire. He should die. Why am I the only one who sees that?

S: Right, then. Now we just let them come to a simmering boil, then remove to a low flame.

WW: You said you wanted her!
S: In the ground, pinhead! I wanted her dead.

B: Angel...
S: Yeah, it bugs me too, seeing them like that. Another five minutes, though, and Angel will be dead, so I forebear.

S: Don't feel too bad for Angel, though. he's got something you don't have.
B: What's that?
S: Five minutes.

S: Who the hell is this?
B: It's your lucky day, Spike.
K: Two slayers...
B: ...no waiting.

X: Hey, larva boy. Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you, you big cootie.

X: Welcome, my little pretties.

C: Die! Die! Die! Die!
X: I think he did, Cordy.

S: I'd rather be fighting you, anyway.
B: Mutual.

K: That's me favorite shirt. That's me only shirt!

S: Where are you going?
WW: Now, there's a way in which this isn't my fault.
S: Oh, they tricked you.
WW: They were duplicitous.
S: Well, then, I'll only kill you just this once.

W: How's your arm?
O: Suddenly painless.

W: You know, I never really thanked you.
O: Oh, yeah, please don't. I don't do thanks. I get all red. Have to bail. It's not pretty.
W: Well, then, forget that thing, especially with the part where I kind of owe you my life.
O: Oh, look, a monkey. And he has a little hat and little pants.
W: Yeah, I see.
O: The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that? You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen. So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity." And you know, the monkey's just, "I mock you with my monkey pants!" And then there's a big coup in the zoo.

W: The monkey is French?
O: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?

X: What happened, there's a total explanation for it.
C: You're a pervert?
X: Me?
C: Yeah!
X: No, no, no, I seem to recall I was the jumpee, my friend.
C: As if! You've probably been planning this for months.
X: Right, I hired a Latvian bug-man to kill Buffy so I could kiss you. I hate to burst your bubble, but you don't inspire me to spring for dinner over at Bucky's Fondue Hut.
C: Fine, whatever. You know, the point is... don't try it again.
X: I didn't try it! Forget about the bugs, okay? The memory of your lips on mine makes my blood run cold.

B: You sit in your seat, you eat your peanuts, you watch the movie... Well, unless it's about a dog or Chevy Chase.

K: Thank you for the shirt. It was very generous of you.
B: Hey, it looks better on...well, me, but no worries.

K: It is too strange that a Slayer loves a vampire.
B: Tell me about it.

B: I guess it's something I really can't fight. I'm a freak.
K: Not the only freak.
B: Not anymore.

K: I don't hug.
B: Right. No. Good. Hate hugs.

D: Don't worry, dearheart. I'll see that you get strong again. Like me.

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