The Yoko Factor
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, A=Anya, S=SpikeT=Tara, F=Forrest, An=Angel
Colonel: She's just a girl.
...
S: She's a lot more than that. Slayer's dangerous, is all I'm saying.
Adam: Yes. She makes things interesting.
S: No. See, you're not getting it, Mr. Bits. You're gonna be interestingly dead. Little Miss Tiny's got the habit of bollixing up the plans of every would-be unstoppable bad-ass who sets foot in this town. Just want you to know, when the big ugly goes down, Slayer's going to be right in the thick of it. You ready for that?
Adam: I'm counting on it.
Adam: Two Slayers.
S: That's right.
Adam: And you killed them both.
S: Yeah. I killed the hell out of them.
Adam: You feel smothered. Trapped like an animal. Pure in its ferocity. unable to actualize the feelings within. Clinging to one truth, like a flame, struggling to burn within an enclosed glass: that a beast this powerful cannot be contained. Inevitably, it will break free and savage the land again. I will make you whole again, make you savage.
S: Wow.
S: I get why all the demons all fall in line with you. You're like Tony Robbins. If he was a big, scary, Frankenstein-looking... You're exactly like Tony Robbins.
S: You don't want her Slayerettes mucking about.
Adam: Take them away from her.
S: Well, there's a plan. She's working solo, she won't have a chance to come after us when the wild rumpus begins. Plus, it'll make her miserable. And I never get tired of that.
X: Try those on - you'll feel like a new man.
R: Would this man have a bright red nose and big floppy feet?
R: But as post-apocalypse splendor goes, I've done wonders with the place.
R: I take it you're not an Angel fan, either.
X: It's not like I hate the guy... just, you know, the guts part of him.
X: Angel's an okay guy if he's mopey and sad and brooding, but you give him even one second of pure, real pleasure...
R: And that sets him off.
X: Only in the big old "kill your friends kind of way. And you know what makes Angel happiest? I'll give you a hint: it's not creme brulee.
R: That explains a lot of things that I wish weren't explained.
X: Hey, man, that's all ancient history.
R: She went running to LA to bone up on her history.
X: No, I'm sure it's boneless.
S: You know, for someone who's got "Watcher" on his resume, you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again.
S: What, you think I'd come running over saying "I've got a secret. Beat me till I talk"?
G: What do you want?
S: Year's supply of blood, guaranteed protection, merry bushels of cash, and most important, a guarantee that I'm not to be in any way slain.
S: What makes you think she'll listen to you?
G: Because.
S: Very convincing.
G: I'm her Watcher.
S: I think you're neglecting the past tense there, Rupert.
S: I've seen the way she treats you.
G: Ah, yes? How's that?
S: Very much like a retired librarian.
W: I keep thinking, "okay, that's the cutest thing ever." And then she does something cuter, and completely resets the whole scale.
T: Did you see her yawn earlier?
W: Yes! I thought I was gonna die!
W: Maybe something fun, like drama. I could be dramatic. "You cannot have more catnip! You have a catnip problem."
T: Definitely drama.
W: I used to assume we'd be roomies through grad school, well into little old ladyhood. You know, cheating at Bingo together, and... forgetting to take our pills.
B: You joined the circus?
R: Xander took my clothes to clean them, left me these. Does he, uh, hate me in some way I don't know about yet?
R: It's the pants, isn't it? It's okay, I couldn't take me seriously in these things, either.
R: I have to recharge them every two hours or they go dead on me.
S: This is just... swell.
A: Wow - the chip in your head means you can't even point a gun? How humiliating.
S: I'm taking a risk here, you know?
X: Can I tell you how much I really don't care?
A:
X: It happens that I'm good at a lot of things. I help out with all kinds of... stuff. I have skills, and... stratagems.. I'm very... help me out.
X: Xander got fired from Starbucks. Xander got fired from that phone-sex line.
F: You killing humans now?
F: Family's tearing apart.
S: A couple of them make me on the way out, but I took care of them.
S: Can you fix 'em?
Soldier: They're going to start tearing each other apart.
R: Way I heard it, you were all peaceable now. You didn't by any chance go and lose that pesky soul again, did you?
An: Think you're going to stop me?
An: Can I come in?
B: Let me guess: you thought of something else really hurtful to say and, well, you couldn't tell me on the phone because the funniest part is that look on my face.
B: Running your car into a tree is an accident. Running your fist into somebody's face is a plan.
An: Put that gun down.
B: He won't hurt anybody. Tell him!
B: I see one more display of testosterone-poisoning, and I will personally put you both in the hospital.
B: I would really like to know - what the hell are you trying to do?
An: He wasn't real forthcoming with the benefit of the doubt.
An: Oh, and... Riley?
S: Call it the Yoko factor. Don't tell me you've never heard of the Beatles?
B: How bad are you hurt?
R: Xander said...
R: When I saw that he was bad...
R: See? Nuts.
B: Then why with the crazy?
B: Okay, Will, how long before you un-crypt it?
G: Whatever happened to Latin? At least when that made no sense, the Church approved.
W: Right, and then maybe you'll get lucky and he'll still be there, and he can rip your arms off for you.
G: You never train with me anymore. He's going to kick your ass.
X: I'll stay behind and putter around the Batcave with crusty old Alfred here.
W: Oh, wow, we're already getting in the way. We're pretty good at this, Xander, huh?
W: Besides, when is ther any "us two"? You two are the two who are the two. I'm the other one.
B: Are you drunk?
G: I, for one, am not missing a minute of it...
T: You think this will go on for a while?
W: No, you'd be wonderful in the Army. Do you think the umbilical cord between you and Anya will stretch that far?
X: Tara's your girlfriend?
B: Judgemental? If I was any more open-minded about the choices you two make, my whole brain would fall out.
X: Just because you're better than us doesn't mean you can be all superior.
B: We'll walk into that cave with you two attacking me and that funny drunk drooling on my shoe.
X: Okay, one: ow. Two: where'd you get that idea? Three: ow!
A: He's a viking in the sack.
A: They look down on you.
X: And they hate you.
A: But they don't look down on me.
B: Not yet. Beating you senseless should do just fine.
B: Family? What kind of family are you, Corleones?
G: Gave them a good running-away-from, did you?
W: Crack a government encryption code on my laptop? Easy as really difficult pie.
S: You're not exactly the whiz these days, either. God, I'm never gonna get paid.
W: I am a whiz.
T: She is a whiz.
W: If ever a whiz there was.
Colonel: I have no problems with that scenario.
R: I surely do.
B: I guess.
An: I need a little more than that.
R: It's pretty much all I got left, so I'm thinking not.
An: Might hurt you.
R: Oh, please try.
An: Huh, some threat. You can barely stand.
R: My trigger finger feels okay.
An: You actually sleep with this guy?
An: I was trying to make things better. It's, uh, going pretty good, don't you think?
B: Swell.
B: Yeah?
An: I don't like him.
B: Thank you.
Adam: I have. I like "Helter Skelter".
R: Dunno yet. The night's still young.
B: Xander? Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.
B: He's... not bad.
R: Seriously? That's a good day? Well, there you go. Even when he's good, he's all Mr. Billowy-coat, king of pain, and girls really...
R: Because I'm so in love with you I can't think straight.
B: Tell me about it.
W: Hours? Days maybe. Anyone suggesting months would not be accused of crazy talk.
B: Giles!
G: Sorry. Was it a bit honest? Terribly sorry.
G: Ah, no, I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget, Alfred had a job.
G: Yes, quite a bit, actually.
B: Well, stop it.
A: Hard to say.
T: Nice bathroom.
A: Like the tile.
G: Bloody hell!