Rules of the Road | Special Handling/Waivers | TGUT Blacklist
While we at TGUT are in favor of anarchy as the only rational form of planetary government, here in our offices we tend to prefer petty dictatorship as a management strategy. Translation: Our Way or the Highway. Breaking of any of these rules will result in the immediate ejection of the offending parties from the tour (by the DRDS, Commander Crichton, Officer Sun, Ka D'Argo or Larry the Razor-Toothed Vorlag, in ascending order of severity of infraction. Trust us, you don't want to see how Larry throws people offship). All fees and payments are nonrefundable, of course.
Rule #1: Terms of Payment
TGUT accepts cash, Sebacean and Delvian Express, Luxan HyperCard, and Hynerian gold bars, as well as chocolate. All fees due in advance. We do *not* accept funny green bills with pictures of guys in wigs on them, and anyone attempting to pass said funny money will be turned over to Officer Sun. Anyone attempting to pass counterfeit or otherwise unacceptable forms of payment will be turned over to Dominar Rygel.
Rule #2: Customer Service
The customer is always right.
Rule #3: Owner Service
Kiki and Perri are always right.
Rule #4: Customer Disputes
If Rule #2 and Rule #3 conflict, Kiki and Perri control the station, the airlocks, the ships, the power supply and the air supply. We win.
Rule #5: Intercustomer Disputes
Any disagreements between passengers will be moderated by our Understanding and Tolerant Crew Members (see Rule #4). Customers who are unhappy with the Crew's rulings are invited to work out their frustrations during sword practice with Ka D'Argo.
Rule #6: Bail
All customers en route to revolutions, seeking to join the Committee to Free Rygel XVI, or actively wanted by the Peacekeepers for any reason must either post extra bail money with the main TGUT offices or sign a waiver stating that we don't have to get you out of jail. We're not going to interfere with anyone else's idea of a good time, but we aren't going to be drawn into other species' political conflicts, either. Any bail needed to cover the cost of being arrested for non-politically based crimes while on our Tour is of course accounted for under your standard TGUT bail warranty, which can be paid for in advance along with your ticket.
Rule #7: Emergency Drills
All species must participate in our Luxan rage, fire, PK carrier attack, hull decompression, and pregnancy drills while on board the ship. In the event of an actual emergency, we want you prepared to save lives (often your own) through quick thinking and appropriate action. Follow the instructions of Pilot and the Crew during these drills, and you'll be ready to hide from D'Argo, treat an exploding Sheyang, initiate Starburst, administer a killshot, and deliver a baby Leviathan. After all, learning new things is part of the fun of travel!
Rule #8: Gambling
Gambling is allowed during our Tours, as long as all games are reported to our Chief Financial Officer, Dominar Rygel, before they begin. Beings who wish to lay bets on events which may occur during our journey must also give the house a 10% cut of all wagers, under the assumption that if you're betting on anything we might do, we should get paid for it. If any customers are caught cheating on games of chance or on any bets laid while on-ship, we reserve the right to drop you off on the nearest blasted asteroid we encounter, since if you can't cheat well enough to avoid getting caught, you've got no business playing on our tours.
Rule #9: Contraband/Unauthorized Cargo
Any customers who transport unregistered quantities of any of the forbidden cargos aboard a Leviathan will be ejected into space immediately, along with their cargo. If we're in a really bad mood, we'll make you eat the cargo first. All of it.
All other contrabands (drugs, weapons, small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri, bad fruit) will be dealt with on a case-by-case basis, depending on how much of a financial accomodation the transporter is willing to make, and how obnoxious the cargo is. TGUT may decide that your property is now *our* property, if said property threatens the life, comfort, or continued economic health of our agency or staff. (If we really, really just like your property, we suggest that you bring enough for everyone on the Tour.)
Rule #10: Playing Well With Others
Many of our customers value their privacy for various reasons, and others are trying to get away "from it all", so the sending of signals to outside parties about members of the Tours is strictly forbidden. The use of any and all unlicensed and unreported recording and transmitting devices during our Tours will result in the ejection of the equipment and probably the customer from the Tour by D'Argo. The use of devices which could harm or otherwise interfere with shipboard communications or operations, without express permission of the Crew or Pilot, will result in the offender being turned over to Officer Sun for lessons in remedial pod-piloting. Any form of sabotage, attempted hijacking, or interference with normal Tour activities will be dealt with in various ways by Larry the Vorlag. So don't say we didn't warn you.
Rule #11: Villains and Other Hostile Parties
Villains, please note! Many of you have expressed an interest in the total destruction of the leviathan Moya and her crew (specifically Commander Crichton, who seems to have quite a gift for ticking people off). You must take a number and get in the queue forming to the right of the aft airlock -- each request to exterminate this ship and her passengers will be dealt with in the proper order. No pushing! Your compatriots are also armed and dangerous. No one here is more special than anyone else.
(Just so you know, you don't have a snowball's chance in hezmana of being allowed near Moya, since they're our most profitable crew. But hey, this gives you the opportunity to meet up with people who feel the same way you do about them.)